MySpace Presidential Debates part 2

Santa to Register Six, Please.

How I spent my Black Friday Vacation 2007

I woke up today hours before the crack of dawn so I could wait in line to be one of the first shoppers in the store and beat others to the incredible sales items. I went to "Everything's a Dollar." This was my first mistake. I went in the store and everything was still a dollar.

Not really. My sleep on an off day is much too precious to be fighting for the best deals. The best deals are the items I can't afford anyway, especially when you have to wait for the rebate to come back. I emerged from the house around noon with no itinerary.

This is the day of the year when all the malls and the retail stores actually have people parking in all those normally unused spaces close to the street. The first stop was K-mart. I would be willing to have the worst parking space at K-mart to shop there. I say this because I have walked to K-mart from my house a couple of times. But, remember, this is K-Mart. They aspire to be WalMart. Plenty of good parking was still available.

As I was walking to the door, a woman was frantically running into the store.
at 12:30 p.m.
Ma'am, I don't know what bargain you're looking to get, but it's probably gone by now.

While there, I did here over the in-store speaker, "Santa to register six, please!"

I bought something not on sale and moved on. I didn't look for the multicultural doll mentioned in my previous blog.

Here are some other random observations from the day:

I was at a used bookstore, and in the computer section was "Macs for Dummies." I really don't know if this should really make me laugh, but Macs are sometimes marketed as the Computers for Dummies. It takes a special breed to not figure out a Mac. If this is you, then you probably don't know which side is up when reading a book. Those people also can't read a blog on the Internet, and therefore aren't offended by this paragraph.
Runner Up:
Lowe's (the home improvement store) Complete Do-It-Yourself Guide to Health and Medicine. I am not making this up, but I can't remember the specific title so I can't find it online anywhere.
2nd Runner Up:
A book by Michael J. Wolf. I thought that this name just had to be made up to sound like Michael J. Fox, but it is indeed a real name.

Big Lots had a sign on their door: Santa's Favorite Store!
Ha Ha Ha. No it isn't.

Sign says:
In observance of Thanksgiving, our Pharmacy will be closed on Friday, Nov. 23
What they mean:
We need our Pharmacists working the registers.

I bought one Black Friday special. While I was at Best Buy, I realized that our DVD rack at home was noticeably barren of the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." I think ownership of this movie is required for graduation at some Universities.

I saw three kinda strange things all in the same parking lot:



Welcome to White Trash America. I'm Brent and I'll be your tour guide. The words I can read say "Honk if U like BIG RED! 1" on the back. "Courtney wuz Here. (heart shape) ya Bruh!" on the side along with "I Love you Baby"



This adult woman was wearing pink girlie pajamas and a kiddie princess tiara. I'm guessing she got her holidays confused and thought it was the day after Halloween.



"Butt scratcher" written in the car window. I had to wait for this guy to not be looking in my direction. I'm pretty sure this guy could beat me up.

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The Enclosed Nickel

Here's something I got in the mailbox today:


Unfortunately, that child died because we mailed the nickel to you.

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Here's a black Friday sale from K-Mart:



This leaves me speechless.

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Has this ever happened to you?

I was in the drive through of a fast food restaurant and was the 4th car in line for the window. The driver of the car at the window got his food and drove off. The second car didn't move. Car #3 started to honk. The fast food lady at the window started to wave, and a minute later started to yell. I was just hoping the driver didn't have a heart attack and die. (he should wait until after he eats a triple cheeseburger to have a heart attack - because that doesn't make me late to work.) After waiting about 5 minutes, the fast food building came out of the building and knocked on the car window. Apparently the guy fell asleep, helped by the fact he had an adorable puppy licking his face.

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Paid Advertisement

Cleon Owens Holdings, LLC wants to remind you that on this Black Friday their flagship restaurant MinitBurger, as well as their sister restaurants Sub Dock and Taco Socko open their doors early at 6 a.m. this year on the day after Thanksgiving! Here are some of the savings that will be available for two days only:
-> 9 cent triple bacon cheese MinitBurger*
-> regular Proscuittini, cappacuolo, and capicola sub for $1.99 **
-> 2 regular crunchy tacos for 77 cents

* regular price $3.99 - $2.50 instant rebate - $1.40 mail-in rebate = $0.09
**minimum quantity of 20 on hand in each store. No rain checks.

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Inappropriate Thanksgiving Greeting 2007

Why did I choose to go this route? It's because my photos of Turkeys aren't very good.



Note: The preceding does not actually reflect my actual Thanksgiving wishes. My actual thanksgiving wishes are that you enjoy Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for God, family, America and the those that serve and defend our freedom.

For the Kids!

What is Tom the Turkey Thinking?
(fill in the speech balloon!)



Feel free to think "Gobble Gobble" or "enjoy your Thanksgiving Ham!"
Or, perhaps you have your own witty saying for Tom the Turkey.

When did Gravel become an endangered species?

Don't take the gravel,
or you'll be hunted by the city

And the State,

And the Feds.
Don't take the gravel.

It does make me wonder what "fullest extent of the law" would entail. My guess is a $10 fine and 15 minutes of community service, plus court costs (the real gotcha). The district attorney must have a tall stack of these cases on his desk, and would be unwilling to plea bargain.

Imagine being pulled over by the cops. "I swear officer! This isn't really gravel from Fisherman's Park! It's really bags of crack!"

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Update on the Spamwriters Strike

By now, you have probably heard of the Spamwriters strike which started on Tuesday, Nov. 6 at 12:01 am. At this point, you are probably wondering how this strike will affect you. Here is a F.A.Q. about what's going on.

Why are the spamwriters going on strike?

As the internet continues to expand, more avenues for advertisement have become available to the Canadian drug importers, reproductive organ enhancers and online diploma services, etc... The Spamwriters have been composing the messages that you get in your email inbox daily. However, the spamwriters are only compensated for the work going into writing the advertisements.

As the agreement stands today between the Guild of American Spammers and the product sellers (the Mercantile Association of Supplement Distributors, Unregulated Financial Consultants, Home-based Employers and Adult-oriented Services, or MASDUFCHEAS), the G.A.S. members would not receive residuals from the advertisements placed on newer types of websites. When the current union contract was written in 1996, the spamwriters were only paid when their ads were sent out in unsolicited bulk emails, Usenet and message boards, as these were the existing advertising methods of the time. Since then, new spamming technologies have emerged, such as SPIM, Splogging, Spamdexing and Spam used in Social Networking sites such as MySpace. The Spamwriters do not get paid whenever their spam messages are reproduced using the new methodologies.

Why should I support the Spamwriters?

Common sense would dictate that Spamwriters make a lot of money for doing very little work. Keep in mind, the Spamwriters only make money when they write the advertisements. Its the members of MASDUFCHEAS that make the money when you buy the products. Most spamwriters do not make very good money. In fact, you may have noticed that most spamwriters cannot even afford to purchase a spell-checker for their messages.

The Spamwriters might briefly make a lot of money, but then they need that money they make to live on for several years. For instance, the spamwriters that made the advertisements for Fen-Phen made a lot of money when this drug first became widely available, but as its popularity subsided, they were forced to live off the income they made during the more profitable time. If the spamwriters can make money off the residuals of the newer spamming technologies, they have more money to survive between their lucrative periods.

Will I continue to receive spam during the strike?

Yes, to an extent. Any spam message that was written before the strike can continue to be sent out in unwanted bulk. However, no new spam can be written until the strike is resolved. At first, it will be difficult to notice because you will keep receiving the same messages (or "reruns") you have always received. However, when new products become available, such as the much anticipated "North Beach Diet" from Seattle, you will not see spam for these products in your email's junk folder until the strike is over.

How can I support the Spamwriters?

The first thing you can do to show your solidarity with us is display this logo on your website:



The next thing you can do is refrain from making any purchases from any affiliated member of MASDUFCHEAS until the strike is over.

Will I continue to get Nigerian letters and Other Scams during the strike?

Yes and no. There are several types of Fraudulent offers that you get in email, such as Nigerian letters, winning lottery announcements, Ponzi schemes, and job offers from Chinese manufacturing companies. The authors of these emails are not Spamwriters, but instead are members of the Pooled Union of Shysters (or P.U.S.). Although G.A.S. and P.U.S. are separate organizations, they share similar ideals and goals. (Both groups, for instance, want all of your money.) Many of the P.U.S. are not crossing the G.A.S. picket lines and are in fact joining with them. They realize that whatever contract resolution befalls G.A.S. will eventually be negotiated into the renewed P.U.S. contract when it expires in 2009.

Can you provide examples of some of the excellent craftsmanship that will be suspended during the Spamwriter strike?

Sure. Start reading here.

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One place you can expect global warming

HELL (AP) - According to some published reports, Hell is getting hotter. "100,000 years ago, when I first got here, the average daily temperature was 1,247 degrees," said well-known scientist and atheist during his life on Earth Boylin Jacoby, from his lake of fire. "Today, the average temperature is 1,288 degrees and hitting 1,300 happens a lot more frequently than it used to. We are going to be here for a long time, and this is a trend that should not continue. Global warming is real this time, and we need to find a way to stop it," he added while weeping and gnashing his teeth.

With no lack of rock musicians in Hell, many of them are organizing benefit concerts synchronized around all the depths of Hell to bring awareness to the problem and let all the lost souls know what they can do to help. There is also no lack of politicians in Hell and they have organized to draft motions and petitions calling on Satan to alter his policies to allow temperatures to fall.

In response to these outcries, Satan responded by saying, "There's not a snowball's chance of that happening." and he proceeded to raise the thermostat to 1,400.

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Church signs vaguely attempting wit

Technically, they're correct. There's also K-Mart, Big Lots and a brand new Kohl's that just opened.

I've never been a fan of the Church signs that try to make clever remarks in their message. Puns for Jesus! I agree with my dad when he suggested the best signs actually quote scripture. Is that really a novel idea for a church to quote Scripture?

Here are some examples of other silly church signs that I have been posted on flickr:

one two three four five six seven eight nine ten

One of the weirdest I'd ever seen was earlier this year when I went to friend's wedding reception in Franklin.

"Sermons and cakes both need shortening"

Yeah, that makes sense. Wait. Huh?
one of two things is happening here with this advertisement. 1) Visit our congregation because our sermons are shorter than anywhere else. 2) Our sermons might run long, but so do all the sermons everywhere else, so visit with us anyway.
It seems to me that this one isn't very well thought out. It's like they are badmouthing their own service.

As someone who now lives in Smyrna, maybe if I ran a church sign, I'd have it say:

Rev. 2: 8 - 11

Before you look up this passage, do you happen to know what it says?

Although not a church sign, there was another sign in town I wanted a picture of, and it was a chick-fil-a sign that said, "Come in dressed like a cow and get a free sandwich."

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