Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Trying to appeal to the highest common denominator. I can't give you 110% effort, but I will give you 107.4% effort. If you're a spammer and leave me a comment, I will make fun of you. I use twice as many semicolons compared to most other bloggers

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Location: Smyrna, Tennessee, United States

As the title implies, I am Brent K. Moore. I married MariLynn Simons on Sept. 25, 1999. we attend Stewart's Creek Church of Christ. We have five pets, a dachshund, Slinkie, a malamute, Juno, and three rabbits, Ebunny and Ifurry, and now Houdini.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

It's Essentially Mayonnaise; stupid with money

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I had purchased a sandwich from the people at Honey Baked Ham, and I was looking for some mayonnaise. They didn't have anything labeled mayo, but they did have some packets labeled "Savory Sauce." Pointing at it, an employee had to explain, "It's essentially mayo." I used it, but it made me suspicious. The Cumberland River is essentially water. If it actually is mayo, why don't they call it mayo?

Two theories:
1) Truth in labeling laws. It may taste like mayo, but it doesn't have actual mayo content, and by law they can't refer to it as mayo.
2) They are so full of themselves that their condiments should transcend ordinary descriptive norms. I think this is the real reason.

At least McDonald's still calls their Ketchup "Fancy Ketchup."


A friend and I once visited a Chili's Restaurant and were the only ones there when they opened. The hostess asked: "Smoking, non-smoking, or first available?"
I said, "It depends. What's the wait for non-smoking?"


It's a pet peave of mine when a preacher or other religious teacher uses the word "Faithfulness" but pronounces it like "Fatefulness"

Faithful = being a good Christian by following God's plan of salvation.
Fateful = Being on the S.S. Minnow stranded on Gilligan's Island.

Preachers also tend to be more likely to say "That's very unique." Well educated men who write theological books and can read ancient Greek must be quite unique.


I did something stupid with money, but it's not what you think.

When the U.S. State quarter program began, I was very interested, So much that I wanted to save every single one I got. After 2 or 3 years, I needed a place to put them all. Somehow, I decided to put about $20 of them in a mostly empty candle. This was not wise.

6 years later, I don't keep every state quarter I find. I just hold onto the first 3 or 4 real shiny ones of each state I get. While packing for my upcoming move, I found this candle with all the quarters in it. Over time, the wax would sometimes heat up, and the quarters would sink. Now, they are long from being collectible quality. In fact, they're all slimy and smelly.

I hate the thought of literally throwing away money, yet I don't want to turn these into a bank or spend them in a story. Obvious solution: vending machines. At work, I wanted a soda, I dropped a quarter in the slot and it stuck to the inside of the machine.

And, so did the next one.


Here's my latest T-Shirt Idea:


While looking for a new car, I went to the dealership and found a car that utilized a perpetual motion machine for its engine. The test drive went fine, but there were no brakes. I had to aim the car at the dealership and jump out the window.


Picture of the week: Fox's Donut Den sign

Animated Gif: Fox's Donut Den

I went across the street to the top of a parking garage and took multiple images, and combined them to make this animated image. (it should look animated. If it doesn't, the problem's on your end.) It came out the way I wanted except for the power lines.

For those of you not familiar with the Donut Den, it's been a mainstay in Green Hills for over a couple of decades, a favorite with the Lipscomb and Hillsboro High School crowd. The Owner, Mr. Fox, used to be a Lipscomb University professor until the store became so popular, he had to run it full time.


Thursday, March 29, 2007

News Brief: Tv Remotes

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NEWS BRIEF: The city council of Carter, Ca has passed a new ordinance banning the use of television remote controls. Mayor Kenneth C. Luther said, "Studies show that the use of TV remotes has contributed to society's negative trend towards obesity and laziness. Also, some studies show that prolonged exposure to the radiation from the remote's signal beam causes cancer in mice and is bad for the environment. The council and I have passed this measure for the benefit of our children." In recent months, the city council has also banned beanbag chairs, school dodgeball, cow milking, bagpipes and Ottomans.

This news brief was brought to you by the Battery Manufacturers Association of America, which reminds you: For maximum protection, the BMAA recommends you change the batteries in your smoke alarm every Sunday.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

What is the longest website name?

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According to This Article, the longest website name is:

Which is indeed named after a real place - as evidenced by this post card:

Which is in Wales. (the Bangor there is not the one in Maine.)

Other long names include: (I guess this is guaranteed to be last in any alphabatized list) (think Pi)

and my personal favorite:

Friday, March 23, 2007

Post Vernal Equinox Joys Random Stuff

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It's the first weekend of spring, and instead of being outside on this beautiful day, I thought I'd sit in front of the computer and share some meaningless drivel.


This week for the first time, I noticed that the safety coordinator where I work is a smoker. This is the guy that ensures that we wear safety glasses and to avoid protuberance via spludger. He doesn't want you to hurt yourself, unless you are incrementally hurting the interior lining of your lung.

It kind of reminds me of the saying about choosing a restaurant, "Don't trust a thin chef."

EDITED TO ADD: I guess if he had to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, You'd die from the second-hand smoke.


Regarding work, you may have noticed that I never mention in my blog that I work for [Company name removed], although most of my friends know I work there. I suppose that part of the reason is that I don't want people to google [company name removed] and find me talking about protuberance via spludger.

Also, the 2007 [company name removed] employee handbook has added a section that blogging about [company name removed] is encouraged, but anytime we do it, we have to add a disclaimer. The previous comments are solely the views of The World as Seen by Brent K Moore blog and do not reflect the views of [company name removed], its management or its staff.


Why should New Hampshire primary get all of the attention in determining who may become the next U.S. President? My question: Why shouldn't they? Here's a thought: If all of the most influential politicians in the country are all located in one state, I would prefer it to not be my state.
Recently, there has been an influx of stories about states, such as Tennessee, California, and Florida considering moving their primaries earlier to make them more important. Before you know it, the primaries are going to be the day after Christmas as the states continue to battle for primary supremacy.
Here's a novel idea: Let's move the Tennessee primary a few weeks later. How about the Tuesday before the National Convention. That'll work for me. There's going to be enough campaign junk mail in my mailbox in October that it's not going to close. Why are we asking to do this twice in the same year? Has everyone already forgotten the stupid Corker and Ford tv ads? I certainly don't want my telephone ringing off the hook with recorded messages about why Barack Obama is better than Hillary Clinton when I may not be voting in that primary.

Completely unimportant side note. New Hampshire also has a vice president primary. The two parties' winners in 2000 were political heavyweights Wladislav D. Kubiak and William Bryk. Who the heck? (suggested slogan: Send a Bryk to the US Naval Observatory)


I am fortunate to live in a city with the Great Escape Half Price Store. One of the things I look for is real weird, offbeat or oddball music. If I can get two casettes for a quarter, what's not to like? One such album I once found was by the group Ed's Redeeming Qualities. It was their CD called Big Grapefruit Clean-up Job. Their music isn't particularly the style I like and I don't even know who their target market is, But I really like the lyrics to the first song. Here's how it starts:

The Princess And a Horseman of the Apocalypse Have Lunch

He cracked another crab leg and said
It's not gonna happen in our lifetime.
He cracked another crab leg and said
The only thing we can be sure of is our own deaths
in our own lifetimes we're apocalypses unto ourselves.
So don't even worry about that song and dance.

And she said...
Are you a Unicorn?

Maybe you just have to hear it, but if you think that's funny, we may have a similar humor.

On the other end of the spectrum is the "So Bad, It's funny, but actually becomes enjoyable on multiple listenings" goes to the Krushin' MC's

On their cassette, the Wonder T raps out songs like "Murder we wrote", "Grab a Book" and "Nightmare on Rhyme Street."

(One, two, Freddies Coming for you. Three, four, better rhyme hardcore. Five, six, better lay down a mix., etc...)


The HBVC Machine Company issued a press release today listing the three finalists in their CEO search. The three finalists are 1) Jordin Tologanak, an Inuit from Nunavut Territory, Canada. 2) Hoku Kawananakoa, a Native Hawaiian 3) Murtaza Frunze from Bashkortostan. The board of directors will be meeting over the next two weeks to make their final selection.

In response to this, the local chapter of the NAACP issued a statement today condemning HBVC for not being racially diverse and including an African American among their finalists.


Today's Ironic pictures:

No Tresspassing:

No Trespassing

I need to make a sign that says "Keep off the Kudzu"

Ripley's Aquarium and Seafood Buffet.

Gatlinburg's Aquarium and Seafood buffet.

The choice is yours:

Church or Gay?


Saturday, March 17, 2007

I'll take "Famous Ties" for $800, Alex. What are the odds:

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For anyone who didn't catch the story, on Friday's episode of Jeopardy! there was something that had never happened before: a Three-way tie.

Click Here for the story.


I've heard people say that if Psychics and other people who could foretell the future really existed, they'd have predicted the winning lottery numbers. I'll take that one step further. If these people could really see into the future, they'd be able to predict the entire NCAA tourney bracket. If each game of the 64 team tournament was a 50/50 chance of either side winning, the odds of getting the whole thing right is 1 in 2^63 (or 1:9,223,372,036,854,775,808 - that's over 9 Quintillion). In fact, it is about 63 billion times easier to win the powerball lottery Jackpot. (63,127,100,745 to be exact.) But if you did "predict" the whole thing right, you'd have to explain why you liked VCU and Winthrop in the first round.

Checking my brackets on ESPN, after the first round, one of them was Better than 98.7% of America and one of them was worse than 91.2% of America. while one of them is doing well now, I think my randomization method will suffer in later rounds.

Since this is my blog and I can keep on calculating stuff and keep on typing whatever I want, I'll say that it's 359 times harder to get the NCAA bracket right than winning both the Powerball AND the MegaMillions lottery jackpots.

I'm not tired of writing yet, so here are some other odds I found on the internet, and I believe everything I see on the internet:

1:38 getting the 00 in Roulette.

1:55 odds of a non-resident of New Hampshire to get a permit to hunt a moose.

1:117 odds of being on a plane with a drunken pilot.

1:563 odds of catching a baseball at a major league game.

1:1,461 being born on leap day.

1:4,473 Odds of dying by falling off furniture.

1:8,000 having triplets

1:11,500 bowling a perfect game

1:12,000 finding a pearl in an oyster

1:12,750 an amateur golfer hitting a hole-in-one.

1:56,439 death by lightning.

1:144,156 death by hot tap water.

1:312,339 odds of dying by a non-venomous insect or arthropod bite

1:374,807 Death by change in air pressure.

1:649,740 being dealt a royal flush

1:1,249,356 death by your sleepwear melting

1:23,000,000 death by drinking a lethal dose of laundry detergent

1:635,013,559,600 Playing spades and being dealt ALL of the spades.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Brent Vs. ESPN experts: Round 2 - NCAA Bracket

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Once again, I will fill out my NCAA Men's basketball tournament, and compete against thousands across the country. Like usual, my bracket will be missing one key ingredient that the masses have: any knowledge of men's basketball*. Also, like in times pass, I have an additional key ingredient that the masses do not: a random number generator. I have more important things to do in my life than read what Dick Vitale has to say about Wright State.

(*I lied. I have minor knowledge of UT. I'd tune in to the end of a handful of games waiting for the talk show that comes on afterward.)

Just like last year, I treat all teams like numbers and not names. Here's how I did last year. (To summarize: I had the eventual winner lose in the first round AND I did better than 2/3 of America.) I don't expect to win the million dollar sweepstakes, I just want bragging rights over the annoying loudmouth at work, not that I have anyone in mind.

Thanks to a suggestion from Eric made after I published my results last year, I have made a slight modification to my formula. It factors in historical data on how certain seeds have done in the past, such as the #1 seed has never lost to a #16, #9's do slightly better than #8s, and #12's have an uncanny ability to do better than they oughta.

And, ESPN lets me fill out five brackets. That lets me play with my calculator longer, and post more in this space. Then at some point in April when I am tired of packing boxes during an upcoming move, I hope to post the good, the bad, and the ugly results here sometime in April.

EDIT 3/14/2007 at 2:45 am:
I've let the random number generator do its thing and here is what I notice after running the ESPN max of 5 brackets. #1 seeds seldomly reach the final 4 using this year's method. Also, by chance using my numbers, Butler reaches the final 4 three times.

maybe my problem was using the same website to generate all my random numbers. Like they say, That's the problem with randomness, you can never be really sure that it's random.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

What not to make your Real Estate picture.

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While my wife and I have been perusing local real estate listings, I came across this home listing:


I guess before the renovation, it was just a milk crate instead of a cinder block.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Another reason I'd like to move...

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So, my wife woke up today, looked out the window and saw this parked in front of the house across from us...

Another Reason I'd like to move...