Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Trying to appeal to the highest common denominator. I can't give you 110% effort, but I will give you 107.4% effort. If you're a spammer and leave me a comment, I will make fun of you. I use twice as many semicolons compared to most other bloggers

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Location: Smyrna, Tennessee, United States

As the title implies, I am Brent K. Moore. I married MariLynn Simons on Sept. 25, 1999. we attend Stewart's Creek Church of Christ. We have five pets, a dachshund, Slinkie, a malamute, Juno, and three rabbits, Ebunny and Ifurry, and now Houdini.

Monday, December 31, 2007

What's in store for 2008

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If you thought this blog was great in 2007, then 2008 will be even better!
If you thought this blog was lousy in 2007, then 2008 will be even better!
I say this because it's a completely unverifiable claim. Take my word for it. The level of effort I put into it will be exactly the same, but for some unknown reason, the level of enjoyment you, the reader, will get out of my blog in '08 will increase by approximately 28.3%.

There are some minor changes in store for 2008.
To begin with, Brenternet (The World as Seen by Brent K. Moore) is going green in 2008. Here's a preview of what to expect:


So exactly, what does this mean other than the pixel pigmentation? The print version of the blog will no longer be available in print at your local newsstand. From this point forward, the only version of this blog will be the online version (until I get a lucrative book deal). This means that no more trees will be cut down to make the print version. (A tree has committed no crime except being valued for it's paper. Who is there to speak for the trees? Being a tree is not a crime!) So, being green means being pro-environment and not cutting trees is good for the environment. Until you start thinking about it. Who plants the most trees? Paper companies. They plant a tree every time they cut down a tree. Otherwise they'd eventually run out of trees on their land. So the environment doesn't get helped a whole bunch when I don't buy paper. So, if I'm not buying paper, I'm being green by saving money! That's the kind of green I want! But seriously, this blog's never been in print form. (But still, I'd like a lucrative book deal.)

Side note: If your employer says they will no long provide paper versions of paycheck stubs and will have online stubs because they're being green, the previous point is still valid. I've had two employers that did this.

Another new feature to the blog in 2008 will be in honor of the forthcoming Presidential election.
Most of my posts will include some variation of this blurb:

New Years Resolutions

My new years resolution for 2008 is to quit smoking. I should have no trouble keeping this resolution because thus far in my life, I haven't started smoking, nor have there been any plans to begin smoking anytime soon. A year from now when I'm not smoking, my 2008 resolution will have been a success! (One could argue that you can't quit something you haven't started, meaning my resolution has been a failure. In response to that, I say that arguing with you would require putting more effort into this blog than I did in 2007, so I'm not going to argue with you.)

Honestly, I've never made New Years Resolutions. I had been doing this subconsciously until an 8th grade teacher gave us an assignment to write down our New Years Resolutions and turn it in. I wrote then that I don't believe in New Years Resolutions because if you identify something in your life that needs to be changed, you shouldn't wait until the start of a new year to make the change. I didn't fail that assignment and my position hasn't changed in the last 16 years either. With that being said, my other New Years resolutions include quit drinking whiskey, quitting pipe smoking and quitting heroin.

An Unexpected New Years Eve invitation.

Remember DJ Flapjack? My very fake turntablist alter ego received possibly a very real invitation to play a New Years Eve concert:

Hey this is Alex, I do new artist relations for [Company name removed]. I saw your page and i wanted to let you know that we specialize in helping local artists--in fact most of us at [removed] are artists ourselves. It's our passion to help local artists solve their problems by teaching them how to find the right strategies that will work best for them--articles on growing your mailing list faster, selling more cds, etc.

Ryan (our Nashville booking director) has a couple openings December he has the 31st at Rocketown also for January he has the 13th at the Muse, i think youd be good for, they're all ages like we usually do. if that wouldnt work, he'll have other dates for Feb/Mar/Apr so get him an email and we can see which shows you'll fit best for.

For their sake, I won't take them up on their offer. Me playing a concert would essentially be me loading songs onto an MP3 player and onstage shimmying for a couple of hours. I can't even recall the last concert I've been to, but amazingly, I actually know where Rocketown is, as seen in my photo here:
Our Coffee is Okay

Another local venue has run radio ads advertising the feature performer for their New Years Eve concert is "John Ford Coley of the group England Dan and John Ford Coley." This is just a guess, but if the name John Ford Coley is not familiar to you, neither is England Dan and John Ford Coley.

Christmas Presents

One year my parents received a Bible that had a Thomas Kinkade painting on the cover.

I call it the "Let There Be Light" Version.

This year, one of my friends gave another friend this T-Shirt:

Ninjas? Pirates?

Happy New Year from the entire staff of Brenternet (The World According to Brent K. Moore) blog and gift shop, as well as Waxy Buildup records, the record label of DJ Flapjack. The entire staff consists of me, your host, Brent K. Moore.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Christmas at Centennial Park

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As usual, click any image to enlarge.
Christmas at Centennial Park #10: Red and Green Parthenon & reflection

I went to Centennial Park last night. Every year these days, they put red and green over the lights used to illuminate the Parthenon at night. In the view here, the Parthenon reflacts in Lake Watauga at Centennial Park. This is a 6 second exposure. There are two ducks in the lake in this picture. One was still for 6 seconds as another duck next to it was swimming and looks like a blur.

Christmas at Centennial Park #9 U.S. Flag lights. Christmas at Centennial Park #8:  Parthenon and 2 trees

One of the decorations they had out was of a U.S. Flag. I'll pull this picture out again when it's time for Independence Day. They also had several trees decorated with Christmas Lights of a solid color. I this photo, the all-yellow and the all-cranberry trees are shown. There were also Green, red and blue lit trees, with an all white tree the tallest in the center.

Christmas at Centennial Park #7: Abstract Christmas at Centennial Park #6: Red and Green Parthenon

Have you ever wondered what it would like like to take a picture of Christmas Tree lights while spinning the camera? That's what I'm doing in the above left picture.

Into the 1950's, Harvey's Department Store had a spectacular nativity scene on the lawn in front of the Parthenon. I wish I could have seen it.

Christmas at Centennial Park #5:   Bunny Lights Christmas at Centennial Park #4: Flag and Tenn. Air Guard

Around the park, but mostly in the sunken garden are different animal shaped lights, as we see with the bunny in the foreground and chipmunk in the background. Also, there were lit reindeer, butterflies, squirrel, etc. The flag was near the Tennessee Air National Guard plane.

Christmas at Centennial Park #3: Season's Greetings Christmas at Centennial Park #1: Self portrait with Flag lights

The sign on the left is closer to the parks main entrance. The Parthenon is in the background. I'm posing with the flag lights. The idea started as I wondered if I could block the light coming from 500 feet away which was distracting in the image (you can see it in the image above.)

Christmas at Centennial Park #2: Duck lights and reflection

These lights were on the edge of the lake (and the Parthenon peeks in from the background.) The lit duck on the far left and on the far light appear to be missing their heads as those lights must not be working.


This final image of the word Peace (formed by which office lights are on) is not at Centennial Park, but downtown Nashville. The Tennessee Tower (also known as the William R. Snodgrass Tower) . This building used to spell words almost on a daily basis into the mid to late 90's but other than rare occasions do not do it anymore.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

2007 Christmas Buying Guide

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Are there any hard to shop for friends and relatives in your buying plans this year? If so, this 2007 Holiday gift shopping guide is not for you and you've come to the wrong place. (You should probably be at Wal-mart and not surfing the Internet.) But since you're here, go ahead and give it a read. These products won't actually be good gifts for anybody, but you can rest assured that you won't have a dull Christmas.

Politics Silencer

the presidential race seems to get longer every election cycle, and next year it will last all year long. While most concerned citizens vote, many people don't enjoy listening to political talk all the time. The NoX 1104 Politics Silencer* slips comfortably over the ears, and when activated removes the sound of political discussion that seems to be everywhere. There is a setting† that will also mute all references to Anna Nicole Smith, Paris Hilton, Drew Peterson or whoever becomes the next overexposed celebrity‡.

*also known as noise canceling headphones.
†This setting is called "on."
‡The early front-runner is Jamie Lynn Spears.


One of 2007 theater blockbusters was Beowulf. With its late in the year release, the DVD will not be available this holiday season. This has resulted to fans clamoring to the previous version of the movie from the mid 80's starring an actor fresh off his role as Chachi from TV's Happy Days. From 1985, it's Baiowulf starring Scott Baio.

For all baseball fans! The 2007 World Series in a new deluxe DVD Box Set! The games have been digitally enhanced to remove all players listed as steroid users by the Mitchell Report.

Honorable Mention:
The Price is Right: Season 11: The Complete 1983 Series 32-disc set. Starring Bob Barker, the Plinko board.

Batman: Still Here


Led Zeppelin - Mothership
Frank Sinatra: Vegas (5 disc box set)
U2 - Joshua Tree (Remastered & Expanded)
Eric Clapton - Complete Clapton
Garth Brooks - The Ultimate Hits
The Beatles - Help! (Special Edition DVD)
Ken Burns Jazz: The Story of American Music (5 Disc Box Set)

Notice a trend here? All of these are new releases featuring older music. That's right, because today's music generally isn't very good.

One notable exception to this is Middle Tennessee's very own DJ Flapjack and his brand new Greatest Hits CD, Gold and Platinum: Songs Inspired by the Periodic Table. Available at finer Cd stores and torrent portals everywhere!
Dj Flapjack logo Gold  & Platinum CD


Rachel Ray's Guide to Making a Complete Christmas Feast Using Only Three Ingredients

"If I Broke Into a Las Vegas Hotel Room with a Bunch of Guys who had Guns Drawn so I Could Get My Sports Memorabilia Back and Did It" by O.J. Simpson

Miss Teen South Carolina's Guide to like Fixing U.S. Americans Problems and Stuff

Sweeney T's Book of Meat Pie recipes

YouTube: The Novel


One recent clothing trend to emerge is ladies sweatpants with words written across the backside

Consumer Electronics

Console Games are all the rage with the young folk these days, but let me make a huge warming. Watch out for those cheap and unlicensed video game console knock-offs. These consoles are carefully designed to resemble legitimate gaming consoles, but their quality and game play are severely lacking when compared to the real manufacturers. Common knock-offs include the XBOX 64, Whi, Ploystation, Sega Genesis, and the gamekid DDT. No Wiibates will be honored!

Once you secure an actual Gaming Console, some of the more popular titles out right now include:
-Don't Tase Me, Bro
-NFL Patriot's Spy
-Square Dance Revolution Party
-Violin Hero 3: Legends of Baroque
-Texas Holdem Solitaire
-Mario's Tea Party
-ESPN SportsCenter the game (Includes Mascot Rumble, Who's Now, Pretender or Contender, etc...)
-Halo 5

Another popular consumer electronics item is the iPod, which is Apple's current cash cow. The current generation of iPods is in the same multimedia line that followed the success of the iBoom boombox in the 1980's and started back with the iVic turntable. The newest iPod is the iPod Pico, which is the size of a postage stamp. Other multimedia devices that Apple is making right now include the iPhone, iTunes, iDish, and the iCB Transceiver. There are rumors suggesting Apple will begin manufacturing computers, soon.


There is a small but growing trend of novelty salsas that tend to appear in gift shops and touristy areas. Many of these salsas use the Habanero pepper as its primary ingredient, because they* say it is 500 times hotter than the Jalapeño.
*The sadists that developed the Scoville Organoleptic Test

Somewhere out there is a madman who decided to take the spiciest thing known to mankind (other than Nordihydrocapsaicin), turn it into a dipping sauce and slap a cutesy label on it. Examples include:
-Satan's Armpit Sweat
-Terrorists want you to eat this

GIW salsa edit inconvenient salsa

Green Christmas Presents

You might ask, "Since green and red are the two colors closely associated with Christmas, aren't all Christmas presents green?" The answer is No, you inconsiderate destroyer of the Earth! All of the following items are specifically designed to reduce unwanted carbon emissions while saving the planet insomuch that we can celebrate Christmas in 2008 or make you feel like you are helping the planet.

Dolce & Gabbana brand Solar panels. Tapping into nature's most renewable energy source has never been so fashionable. Install one of these gold-plated photovoltaic panels on the roof of your 20,000 sqft mansion and watch as your energy bill decreases by 2%. As you run your wine cooler, be happy that somewhere you are saving the life of a penguin.

One of the most expensive costs of the electric bill comes from your water heater, which heats your water even when your not using it. The fashion designers at Gucci have the solution. The Gucci pipe warmer acts like a sweater for your water valve! Each one is handcrafted from authentic Alpaca mohair and dyed into your choice of colors (Gerbera, Chantarelle, Coriander, Araucana and Wainscot). Enjoy your electrical efficiency as the pipes underneath your house are as trendy as your high heels and evening gown, knowing that a polar bear can live another day.

Since you were a kid, you've known what happens when you drag your feet across a carpet and then touch a metal object, such as a door knob. You get a slight shock. Haven't you always wondered if there was a way to harness that static electricity. Well, good news, as the research team at The Sharper Image have done just that! Just install the EcoSmile® TouchKnob to any of the affected doors of your house and convert that tiny jolt into happy appliance juice*. You can Smile your EcoSmile as you have done your part to save the planet.
*studies show that a typical day's use of the TouchKnob will power a fluorescent light bulb for 16 seconds.

My House

What a better way to say I love you this Christmas that to buy your loved ones my old house which is for sale! Not only for Christmas, but my house would make a wonderful gift for any occasion. Located in Beautiful, Sunny Antioch, TN. It won't last long! It's only $112,431 and if you buy it, you'll save the life of a baby seal. Look here for all of the spectacular details.

Looking for even more great gift ideas? Read my 2006 Holiday Gift Guide.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

1980's survey (rarely do I do surveys!)

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1. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
No. but unfortunately my wife STILL does.

2. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
yes, but not until the fad was over and you could get them at the everything's a dollar store.

3. The Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High?
Drat. I see a lot of girlie questions fast approaching. To answer this question: neither.

4. Salute Your Shorts or Hey Dude?
Neither, but I don't even recall salute your shorts.

6. Did you want Dylan to end up w/ Brenda or Kelly?
not particularly invested in either choice

7. Who was ALF?
Furry creature from Melmac. I even watched the stupid saturday morning alf cartoon

8. Do you remember the show Dinosaurs?
Yes, but it was on tv on wednesday nights when I was at church, so I never saw it.

9. Do/did you know the words to the Fresh Prince theme song?
Yes, but only because every other week, someone posts a myspace bulletin where you take turns adding a word.

10. Kimmie Gibbler or Urkel?
I detested Urkel and don't remember Kimmie Gibbler.

11. Blossom or Clarissa Explains It All?
You will be surprised that I actually have an opinion here. Blossom.

12. Did you have a crush on JTT?
I had to google JTT. I, in fact, never had a crush on Jonathon Taylor Thomas. Only had a crush on Blossom.

13. Bobby Brown or Tevin Campbell
On a scale of 0-10, Tevin Campbell = 0 and Bobby Brown = 0.2, Thus, Bobby Brown wins.

14. Step By Step or Full House?
I think I saw Full House on TV once or twice.

15. Did you listen to Milli Vanili?
Yes, but probably not until 1995. Since Rob & Fab lip synched, I always wondered if the Actual musical performers (the artists formerly known as Milli Vanilli) could release an album.

16. Mr. Rogers or Reading Rainbow?
Mr. Rogers. I liked the land of make believe.

17. Did you own a glo-worm?
No, but I think I once saw an episode of G.L.O.W.

18. Paula Abdul: better now or then?
Then. I miss her much.

(let me pause to say my wife didn't realise I was making a joke here. I don't actually miss Paula Abdul. I vaguely miss her 1980's career. Her biggest song was "Miss You Much.")

19. Wild 'n' Crazy Kids or Double Dare?
I watched Double Dare sometimes when we had free cable TV for a year. It got old after a while. I liked it when they had smart kid contestants on there and they could answer the trivia questions and no dares had to be performed, thereby undermining the show.

20. Remember Legends of the Hidden Temple?
no. I guess it wasn't that legendary!

21. The Mighty Ducks or The Little Giants?
didn't care for either

22. Did you watch Saved By The Bell?!
On unusual circumstances, I might

23. Who was hotter: Zack or Slater?
I have no opinion here. My wife might think Slater is still hot.

24. Camp Nowhere or House Arrest?
Neither. I did watch Mr. Belvedere.

25. Did you own a pair of Reebok Pumps?
Ha ha ha ha. I probably never had shoes that cost more than $20.

26. Rainbow Brite or Srawberry Shortcake?

27. Did you watch Miami Vice?

28. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes
Yes. SIKE!!!! ha ha ha. Not really.

29. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Yes. It's where I kept those pesky trappers and other miscellaneous papers.

30. Atari or Nintendo?
We had an Atari 600 and 6 games. I loved Joust. Later, we had a coleco-vision which would take Atari 2600 games.

31. Were you in love with MENUDO?
Does "Love to make fun of the concept of Menudo" count? otherwise, no.

32. Which was better: Jem and The Holograms or She-ra?
Once for halloween, I dressed up as He-Man. a neightbor on my street asked if I was She-ra. This didn't sit well with me. Answer: neither

33. G.I. Joe or He-Man?.
Finally a guy question! G.I. Joe. I watched both, but Cobra and lasers that never hit anything was better than brute force and orko.

34. What was better Micro Machines or Hot Wheels?
Hot wheels has been around since my brothers were kids, So I got a lot of hand-me-down cars and tracks and stations.

35. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
I knew the guy stuff questions wouldn't last.

36. Did you watch Punky Brewster?
Once, I saw an episode where Punky and the Henry guy buy Cubs tickets from a street vendor and when they go to enter the turnstiles, find the tickets were counterfeit and not allowed admittance to the day game. When the cubs found that a girl's day was about to be ruined, They let Punky and Henry sit in the Cubs during the ballgame, despite the fact this violates MLB rules and common sense. Otherwise, no.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I Dream of...

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I Dream Of...
I Dream of Weenie

This took a lot of hallucinating, I'm sure, to envision this name for a hot dog stand. This is in East Nashville on Woodland St. They have another sign out front, "Nashville's only full service Weenery!" They converted the yellow VW bus into the hot dog stand. All in all, it gets my vote for awesomeness.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Bumper Sticker

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O.K., so I'm about 5 years behind with this joke.

I went Christmas shopping today

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I went Christmas shopping today!

Someone was naughty this year.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Ask your doctor.

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Ask your Doctor if
is right for you.

Fine print:
After conducting a double-blind study, Side effects just may include, but are not limited to: Fatigue, Nausea, Anxiety, Hives, Weight loss, Weight gain, Weight staying the same, Hair Loss, Heart Palpitations, Slow and painful death, Diarrhea, slurred speech, Dizziness, Muscle and joint pain. Side effects are usually mild to severe and may go away on their own. If any of these side effects persist longer than two months, consult a physician immediately. Do not take this medicine with alcohol. Do not take this medicine with Diet Coke and Mentos. Don't take this medication if you are pregnant, nursing, or wish to have children ever. Do not operate lightweight or heavy machinery if you are taking this product. Do not take this product if you are allergic to this product. (It's amazing that here in America, something that should be blatantly common sense such as the preceding warning has to be spelled out for the chronically stupid.) Only your doctor can determine if this medicine is right for you, and if your doctor says it isn't right for you, get a new doctor. See our ad in Polar Bear Collector magazine. Visit our website and get a free pen and stationary.

Esbolikitorsilvomerkinedserivumlanitaticore comes in an over-the-counter form!
Introducing Minimum Strenghth 100mg tablet
Esbolikitorsilvomerkinedserivumlanitaticore at finer drugstores everywhere!