2007 Christmas Buying Guide
Are there any hard to shop for friends and relatives in your buying plans this year? If so, this 2007 Holiday gift shopping guide is not for you and you've come to the wrong place. (You should probably be at Wal-mart and not surfing the Internet.) But since you're here, go ahead and give it a read. These products won't actually be good gifts for anybody, but you can rest assured that you won't have a dull Christmas.
Politics Silencer
the presidential race seems to get longer every election cycle, and next year it will last all year long. While most concerned citizens vote, many people don't enjoy listening to political talk all the time. The NoX 1104 Politics Silencer* slips comfortably over the ears, and when activated removes the sound of political discussion that seems to be everywhere. There is a setting† that will also mute all references to Anna Nicole Smith, Paris Hilton, Drew Peterson or whoever becomes the next overexposed celebrity‡.
*also known as noise canceling headphones.
†This setting is called "on."
‡The early front-runner is Jamie Lynn Spears.
DVD's
One of 2007 theater blockbusters was Beowulf. With its late in the year release, the DVD will not be available this holiday season. This has resulted to fans clamoring to the previous version of the movie from the mid 80's starring an actor fresh off his role as Chachi from TV's Happy Days. From 1985, it's Baiowulf starring Scott Baio.
For all baseball fans! The 2007 World Series in a new deluxe DVD Box Set! The games have been digitally enhanced to remove all players listed as steroid users by the Mitchell Report.
Honorable Mention:
The Price is Right: Season 11: The Complete 1983 Series 32-disc set. Starring Bob Barker, the Plinko board.
Batman: Still Here
Music
Led Zeppelin - Mothership
Frank Sinatra: Vegas (5 disc box set)
U2 - Joshua Tree (Remastered & Expanded)
Eric Clapton - Complete Clapton
Garth Brooks - The Ultimate Hits
The Beatles - Help! (Special Edition DVD)
Ken Burns Jazz: The Story of American Music (5 Disc Box Set)
Notice a trend here? All of these are new releases featuring older music. That's right, because today's music generally isn't very good.
One notable exception to this is Middle Tennessee's very own DJ Flapjack and his brand new Greatest Hits CD, Gold and Platinum: Songs Inspired by the Periodic Table. Available at finer Cd stores and torrent portals everywhere!
Books
Rachel Ray's Guide to Making a Complete Christmas Feast Using Only Three Ingredients
"If I Broke Into a Las Vegas Hotel Room with a Bunch of Guys who had Guns Drawn so I Could Get My Sports Memorabilia Back and Did It" by O.J. Simpson
Miss Teen South Carolina's Guide to like Fixing U.S. Americans Problems and Stuff
Sweeney T's Book of Meat Pie recipes
YouTube: The Novel
Apparel
One recent clothing trend to emerge is ladies sweatpants with words written across the backside
Consumer Electronics
Console Games are all the rage with the young folk these days, but let me make a huge warming. Watch out for those cheap and unlicensed video game console knock-offs. These consoles are carefully designed to resemble legitimate gaming consoles, but their quality and game play are severely lacking when compared to the real manufacturers. Common knock-offs include the XBOX 64, Whi, Ploystation, Sega Genesis, and the gamekid DDT. No Wiibates will be honored!
Once you secure an actual Gaming Console, some of the more popular titles out right now include:
-Don't Tase Me, Bro
-NFL Patriot's Spy
-Square Dance Revolution Party
-Violin Hero 3: Legends of Baroque
-Texas Holdem Solitaire
-Mario's Tea Party
-ESPN SportsCenter the game (Includes Mascot Rumble, Who's Now, Pretender or Contender, etc...)
-Halo 5
Another popular consumer electronics item is the iPod, which is Apple's current cash cow. The current generation of iPods is in the same multimedia line that followed the success of the iBoom boombox in the 1980's and started back with the iVic turntable. The newest iPod is the iPod Pico, which is the size of a postage stamp. Other multimedia devices that Apple is making right now include the iPhone, iTunes, iDish, and the iCB Transceiver. There are rumors suggesting Apple will begin manufacturing computers, soon.
Salsa
There is a small but growing trend of novelty salsas that tend to appear in gift shops and touristy areas. Many of these salsas use the Habanero pepper as its primary ingredient, because they* say it is 500 times hotter than the Jalapeño.
*The sadists that developed the Scoville Organoleptic Test
Somewhere out there is a madman who decided to take the spiciest thing known to mankind (other than Nordihydrocapsaicin), turn it into a dipping sauce and slap a cutesy label on it. Examples include:
-Satan's Armpit Sweat
-Terrorists want you to eat this
Green Christmas Presents
You might ask, "Since green and red are the two colors closely associated with Christmas, aren't all Christmas presents green?" The answer is No, you inconsiderate destroyer of the Earth! All of the following items are specifically designed to reduce unwanted carbon emissions while saving the planet insomuch that we can celebrate Christmas in 2008 or make you feel like you are helping the planet.
Dolce & Gabbana brand Solar panels. Tapping into nature's most renewable energy source has never been so fashionable. Install one of these gold-plated photovoltaic panels on the roof of your 20,000 sqft mansion and watch as your energy bill decreases by 2%. As you run your wine cooler, be happy that somewhere you are saving the life of a penguin.
One of the most expensive costs of the electric bill comes from your water heater, which heats your water even when your not using it. The fashion designers at Gucci have the solution. The Gucci pipe warmer acts like a sweater for your water valve! Each one is handcrafted from authentic Alpaca mohair and dyed into your choice of colors (Gerbera, Chantarelle, Coriander, Araucana and Wainscot). Enjoy your electrical efficiency as the pipes underneath your house are as trendy as your high heels and evening gown, knowing that a polar bear can live another day.
Since you were a kid, you've known what happens when you drag your feet across a carpet and then touch a metal object, such as a door knob. You get a slight shock. Haven't you always wondered if there was a way to harness that static electricity. Well, good news, as the research team at The Sharper Image have done just that! Just install the EcoSmile® TouchKnob to any of the affected doors of your house and convert that tiny jolt into happy appliance juice*. You can Smile your EcoSmile as you have done your part to save the planet.
*studies show that a typical day's use of the TouchKnob will power a fluorescent light bulb for 16 seconds.
My House
What a better way to say I love you this Christmas that to buy your loved ones my old house which is for sale! Not only for Christmas, but my house would make a wonderful gift for any occasion. Located in Beautiful, Sunny Antioch, TN. It won't last long! It's only $112,431 and if you buy it, you'll save the life of a baby seal. Look here for all of the spectacular details.
Looking for even more great gift ideas? Read my 2006 Holiday Gift Guide.
Politics Silencer
the presidential race seems to get longer every election cycle, and next year it will last all year long. While most concerned citizens vote, many people don't enjoy listening to political talk all the time. The NoX 1104 Politics Silencer* slips comfortably over the ears, and when activated removes the sound of political discussion that seems to be everywhere. There is a setting† that will also mute all references to Anna Nicole Smith, Paris Hilton, Drew Peterson or whoever becomes the next overexposed celebrity‡.
*also known as noise canceling headphones.
†This setting is called "on."
‡The early front-runner is Jamie Lynn Spears.
DVD's
One of 2007 theater blockbusters was Beowulf. With its late in the year release, the DVD will not be available this holiday season. This has resulted to fans clamoring to the previous version of the movie from the mid 80's starring an actor fresh off his role as Chachi from TV's Happy Days. From 1985, it's Baiowulf starring Scott Baio.
For all baseball fans! The 2007 World Series in a new deluxe DVD Box Set! The games have been digitally enhanced to remove all players listed as steroid users by the Mitchell Report.
Honorable Mention:
The Price is Right: Season 11: The Complete 1983 Series 32-disc set. Starring Bob Barker, the Plinko board.
Batman: Still Here
Music
Led Zeppelin - Mothership
Frank Sinatra: Vegas (5 disc box set)
U2 - Joshua Tree (Remastered & Expanded)
Eric Clapton - Complete Clapton
Garth Brooks - The Ultimate Hits
The Beatles - Help! (Special Edition DVD)
Ken Burns Jazz: The Story of American Music (5 Disc Box Set)
Notice a trend here? All of these are new releases featuring older music. That's right, because today's music generally isn't very good.
One notable exception to this is Middle Tennessee's very own DJ Flapjack and his brand new Greatest Hits CD, Gold and Platinum: Songs Inspired by the Periodic Table. Available at finer Cd stores and torrent portals everywhere!
Books
Rachel Ray's Guide to Making a Complete Christmas Feast Using Only Three Ingredients
"If I Broke Into a Las Vegas Hotel Room with a Bunch of Guys who had Guns Drawn so I Could Get My Sports Memorabilia Back and Did It" by O.J. Simpson
Miss Teen South Carolina's Guide to like Fixing U.S. Americans Problems and Stuff
Sweeney T's Book of Meat Pie recipes
YouTube: The Novel
Apparel
One recent clothing trend to emerge is ladies sweatpants with words written across the backside
Consumer Electronics
Console Games are all the rage with the young folk these days, but let me make a huge warming. Watch out for those cheap and unlicensed video game console knock-offs. These consoles are carefully designed to resemble legitimate gaming consoles, but their quality and game play are severely lacking when compared to the real manufacturers. Common knock-offs include the XBOX 64, Whi, Ploystation, Sega Genesis, and the gamekid DDT. No Wiibates will be honored!
Once you secure an actual Gaming Console, some of the more popular titles out right now include:
-Don't Tase Me, Bro
-NFL Patriot's Spy
-Square Dance Revolution Party
-Violin Hero 3: Legends of Baroque
-Texas Holdem Solitaire
-Mario's Tea Party
-ESPN SportsCenter the game (Includes Mascot Rumble, Who's Now, Pretender or Contender, etc...)
-Halo 5
Another popular consumer electronics item is the iPod, which is Apple's current cash cow. The current generation of iPods is in the same multimedia line that followed the success of the iBoom boombox in the 1980's and started back with the iVic turntable. The newest iPod is the iPod Pico, which is the size of a postage stamp. Other multimedia devices that Apple is making right now include the iPhone, iTunes, iDish, and the iCB Transceiver. There are rumors suggesting Apple will begin manufacturing computers, soon.
Salsa
There is a small but growing trend of novelty salsas that tend to appear in gift shops and touristy areas. Many of these salsas use the Habanero pepper as its primary ingredient, because they* say it is 500 times hotter than the Jalapeño.
*The sadists that developed the Scoville Organoleptic Test
Somewhere out there is a madman who decided to take the spiciest thing known to mankind (other than Nordihydrocapsaicin), turn it into a dipping sauce and slap a cutesy label on it. Examples include:
-Satan's Armpit Sweat
-Terrorists want you to eat this
Green Christmas Presents
You might ask, "Since green and red are the two colors closely associated with Christmas, aren't all Christmas presents green?" The answer is No, you inconsiderate destroyer of the Earth! All of the following items are specifically designed to reduce unwanted carbon emissions while saving the planet insomuch that we can celebrate Christmas in 2008 or make you feel like you are helping the planet.
Dolce & Gabbana brand Solar panels. Tapping into nature's most renewable energy source has never been so fashionable. Install one of these gold-plated photovoltaic panels on the roof of your 20,000 sqft mansion and watch as your energy bill decreases by 2%. As you run your wine cooler, be happy that somewhere you are saving the life of a penguin.
One of the most expensive costs of the electric bill comes from your water heater, which heats your water even when your not using it. The fashion designers at Gucci have the solution. The Gucci pipe warmer acts like a sweater for your water valve! Each one is handcrafted from authentic Alpaca mohair and dyed into your choice of colors (Gerbera, Chantarelle, Coriander, Araucana and Wainscot). Enjoy your electrical efficiency as the pipes underneath your house are as trendy as your high heels and evening gown, knowing that a polar bear can live another day.
Since you were a kid, you've known what happens when you drag your feet across a carpet and then touch a metal object, such as a door knob. You get a slight shock. Haven't you always wondered if there was a way to harness that static electricity. Well, good news, as the research team at The Sharper Image have done just that! Just install the EcoSmile® TouchKnob to any of the affected doors of your house and convert that tiny jolt into happy appliance juice*. You can Smile your EcoSmile as you have done your part to save the planet.
*studies show that a typical day's use of the TouchKnob will power a fluorescent light bulb for 16 seconds.
My House
What a better way to say I love you this Christmas that to buy your loved ones my old house which is for sale! Not only for Christmas, but my house would make a wonderful gift for any occasion. Located in Beautiful, Sunny Antioch, TN. It won't last long! It's only $112,431 and if you buy it, you'll save the life of a baby seal. Look here for all of the spectacular details.
Looking for even more great gift ideas? Read my 2006 Holiday Gift Guide.
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