My Totally Worthless 2008 Election Guide
(sung to the tune of Sesame Street's "Who are the people in your neighborhood")
Who are Candidates in your ballot box?
in your ballot box?
in your ball.....ot box?
Who are those others in your ballot box?
They are easy to defeat,
And a few of them are freaks.
They're the people who won't win today!
------------------------------------------
Over the last few months, all of the Presidential election attention has been focused on McCain and Obama, and for good reason, since they're going to account for about 99% of the vote. However, for those of you that don't like either McCain or Obama or want to be pragmatic and pick the lesser of two evils, yet still desire to exercise your right to vote, have no fear. Whether it's Bob Barr or Cynthia McKinney, or somewhere in between, there's a candidate for you!
At this point, if you feel the need to vote for either Obama or McCain but still can't decide, I can't help you. Everything you've ever wanted to know about either one is out there already. This guide is more for the purpose of mentioning all of those other names that will appear on your ballot, some of which have good ideas for the country and others who don't deserve anybody's vote. If after reading this guide, just one person has decided who to vote for, then I have failed, because my goal is simply to entertain! If I unfairly state a candidates position, get over it; this is the worthless election guide. I'm not trying to be fair to anybody. For most of the candidates, I've picked a few of their positions, usually looking for stuff that is original, or in a few cases, downright stupid.
-------------------------------------
On the newsstands Now!!!
If you like my Totally Worthless 2008 Election Guide Blog, then purchase my Totally Worthless 2008 Election Guide printed version in convenient magazine form. You get everything you see in this blog post, plus the following:
Las Vegas Odds
Scouting Reports
Injury Updates
Current BCS rankings
Coaches Top 25 Poll results
Updates and Information for fantasy and rotisserie political leagues
All this, and more for only $8.95. Get it before it's gone. Also, get it before the election, 'cause afterword, it's really worthless.
------------------------------------
Candidates and Parties you may have heard of:
Bob Barr, Libertarian Party
Out of all of the 3rd party candidates who are running this year, or who have ever run, here's a candidate who has actually won something before. He was elected 4 times as U.S. Congressman from Georgia, so he's actually got a little bit of Washington experience, and wouldn't completely bomb as a president. He's a disenfranchised Republican who is hoping to get votes from other conservatives who don't like McCain. He probably ends up as the biggest loser from when McCain picked Palin as his running mate, since there were a bunch of other disenfranchised republicans that were seriously thinking about voting for him but were then fired up about the Palin VP Pick. Frankly, a bunch of Republicans would still vote for him if it weren't for the fact he wants to pull the military out of Iraq.
Barr narrowly defeated Wayne Allen Root for the Party's nomination, and Root became the VP candidate instead. Root also is a former Republican, who owns a sports gambling business in Las Vegas. He married a beauty queen and owns a tv production company "Cool Hand Root." His life might make for the coolest candidate if Palin wasn't running.
Some of the issues:
Would pull out of Iraq, because it costs too much.
Abolish the U.S. Department of Education
Eliminate the Income tax
Repeal the law allowing anchor babies from having automatic U.S. citizenship.
Other Libertarians who didn't win: Harry Brown from Tennessee, Ron Paul, Michael Badnarik
Cynthia McKinney, Green Party
In 2000, for those of you who didn't think Al Gore spent enough time focusing on saving the Environment, Ralph Nader and the Green Party was for you. For whatever reason, Ralph Nader didn't leave the Green Party, but the Green Party left him. Maybe it's because there was another former U.S. Congressman from Georgia that wanted to run for President this year.
McKinney is as far left as Barr is far right. She spent some of her time in congress leading the charge that President Bush was responsible for the 9-11 attacks, tried to Impeach Bush, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice, and tried to get Congress to investigate the murder of Tupac Shakur. She also believes the U.S. government dumped the bodies of 5000 political prisoners killed by a single gunshot in a Louisiana swamp using Hurricane Katrina as cover.
She made national headlines in 2006 when she was involved in an incident with Capitol Hill police when she went around the metal detectors (as congressmen and women are allowed) and the policeman didn't recognize her. Then the policeman laid the smackdown on her.
She's been endorsed by Roseanne Barr (who's not related to Bob).
Some of the issues:
All of our domestic policy should be controlled by the U.N.
Allow Hawaii's independence from the US.
Stop all Nuclear power
Raise gasoline taxes based on how many MPG the car gets
Other Green Party Candidates that didn't win: Ralph Nader, David Cobb
Ted Weill, Reform Party
It's the political party started by Ross Perot in 1992, and had the best showing of any third party candidate in recent memory. The party did it's best to be the party of moderates, and actually had a candidate win a prominent race, when Jesse Ventura became Minnesota's Governor. However, the party has fallen on hard times. In 2000, two candidates tried to secure the nomination of the moderate party because the candidate would get a bunch of free government money. one candidate was far right and one far left. Now it's 2008 and their website doesn't even have the name Ted Weill on it.
Some of the issues:
Whatever you believe, we believe it too - Join our party.
Wants to appear on the ballot in all 50 states (This year, they're only in Mississippi).
Privatize the TVA.
Institute term limits to the U.S. House and Senate members.
Other Reformers that didn't win: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader
Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party
Guess who's endorsed by Ron Paul? This guy! He's also the third person mentioned here on the parade of people who used to be Republicans. (It's a long line.) He's even gone so far as comparing Bush to Hitler, something that you'll typically only hear from the left. He's a preacher and a talk show radio host in Florida, and that was enough for him to defeat Alan Keyes for the party's nomination. The centerpiece of his platform is that no foreign government should own any U.S. property. He will appear on the ballot as the candidate from the Constitution Party in 19 states, the Alaskan Independence Party in Alaska, the Kansas Reform Party in Kansas, the U.S. Taxpayers Party in Michigan, The Nebraska Independence Party in Nebraska and unaffiliated in 27 states.
Some of the issues:
Eliminate the Food and Drug Administration.
Raise tariffs on all imported goods.
Pull out of NAFTA.
Says he could overturn Roe V. Wade as President.
Other Constitution Party Candidates that didn't win: Michael Peroutka, Howard Phillips
Ralph Nader
Ralph Nader is unsafe at any speed. Actually, that was the name of his first book, "Unsafe at Any Speed" where he first came to national prominence by talking about how the Chevy Corvair would kill you. From there, he was known as an accomplished consumer advocate, which is probably more impressive than what Obama has ever done as a community organizer. After being asked to run for President all the way back in 1972, he finally gave in to the demand in 2000 and ran as the Green Party candidate, and then felt the love from the Reform Party in 2004.
When he was running in 2000, there was a rather large outcry that he was stealing votes from Al Gore. In fact, when Bush won the state of Florida over Gore, the margin was 537 votes. Nader got 97,000 votes in Florida and presumably most of those voters would have gone to Gore if Nader wasn't a choice. Some people say that Nader didn't actually think he got that many votes in Florida and somehow the Republicans stole the election by having a bunch of Gore votes counted as Nader votes instead.
In 2000, someone showed me a website called NaderTrader. The point was if you were a Nader fan, you'd still want Gore to defeat Bush nationally. Nader fans in battleground states would trade their votes with Gore fans in strong democrat states. For instance, a Nader fan in Tennessee would vote for Gore and a Gore fan in Massachusetts would take the trade and vote for Nader. I didn't have an interest in voting for either, but I thought about signing up just so I could screw up somebody else.
So, what party is Nader running as this year? He's on the Independent Party in CT, HI, DE, MD and NM, The Peace and Freedom Party in Iowa, California and Utah, Populist Party in New York, Ecology Party in Florida, The Peace Party in Oregon and the Natural Law party in Michigan. He's not listed with a party in 34 states and is write-in in the other 4. There will be a test on this later. All in all, he is the non-republican-or-democrat likely to get the most votes.
Some of the issues:
Really, really cut the military budget.
Wants to be in the presidential debates (in fact, on his website, he has youtube videos of him answering the actual debate questions).
Start a Carbon pollution Tax and a tax on Securities speculation.
Set up a system for nationwide ballot referendums.
Alan Keyes, America's Independent Party
Alan Keyes does not give up. In 1988 and then in 1992, he ran unsuccessfully as a Republican for Maryland's US Senate seat, but of course it's a highly democratic state. Focusing his attention on the Presidency, he's tried to win the Republican Nomination in 1996, 2000 and again in 2008. He even made it into one of the debates this year. Keyes also already has experience losing big to Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race and will bring that experience to lose big to Obama on the National stage. When he didn't win the nomination of the Constitution Party, he then started America's Independent Party (not to be confused with the American Independent Party, although the two eventually merged). He has always had a small but loyal group of followers and is another former Republican who hopes to draw votes from the conservatives who won't vote for McCain. All in all, he's sort of a fiscal libertarian, strong national defense and social conservative.
Some of the Issues
Pro-Life is the most important issue, and the national director of American Right to Life is the VP choice.
Wants a Marriage protection amendment.
repeal McCain/Feingold.
repeal the 17th amendment which lets the people vote for Senators, instead of Senators being chosen by a state's legislature.
Candidates and Parties you probably haven't heard of:
Gene Amondson, Prohibition Party
A long, long time ago in a political era far, far away, the Prohibition Party was prominent on the American political landscape. As you might guess, the sole focus of the party is to outlaw the sale and consumption of alcoholic beverages. These were some of the people who were behind the 18th amendment which banned the sale and manufacturing of alcohol. This, of course, proved to be very unpopular in the country and was repealed with the 21st amendment, causing the party to dwindle in numbers, because by then it was an unpopular concept. According to him, though, those 13 years were the best years of our country. He says our prisons were empty, illiteracy was low, the US balanced the budget and nobody suffered from cirrhosis of the liver.
Despite the narrow focus of their political platform and a small number of adherents, the party still managed to find a way to split in 2003, with a second party forming under the name National Prohibition Party. Earl Dodge had been the candidate for 5 strait elections and in 2000 received a grand total of 208 votes. In 2004 Gene Amondson stepped in to save the party and at least triple the vote count. When the two explosive personalities decided there wasn't enough room for the both of them in the one party, they split. (side note: The 2004 convention was held at the Tennessee resort Fairfield Glade.) In 04, Gene did indeed up the vote totals, with 1,944. In his spare time, he paints and sells those paintings on his campaign website or he can officiate your wedding.
some of the issues:
95% of all violent crime is alcohol related
Death penalty for repeat DUI offenders.
Alcohol is the biggest spreader of AIDS.
Would ban tobacco, gambling and pornography.
Newt Gingrich would be his top adviser.
Is looking for a wife, if you're interested.
Other Prohibitionists that didn't win: Silas Swallow [insert joke here], John St. John, Herbert Hoover
Róger Calero, Socialist Workers Party
As you might imagine, This is a far-left leaning candidate from a far-left leaning party. He wants to be your president, but there's one teeny, tiny little problem: He wasn't actually born in America. You may have heard of the Constitution; it's an old document that says how our government is run and stuff. One of the lines in the constitution says you have to be born an American citizen to run for President. Thankfully, some five states haven't actually read the Constitution and have allowed Calero (born in Nicaragua) on the Ballot. Sadly, some other 9 states have read the Constitution and won't allow Calero on the ballot, so in those states James Harris will appear on the ballot in his place. Calero is the first presidential candidate who was at one time deported. The website for this happy little political campaign is TheMilitant.com
Some of the issues:
Make all immigrants legalized citizens.
Normalize US relations with Cuba.
Stop cop brutality.
Nationalize the entire energy industry.
Other Socialist Workers who didn't win: Peter Camejo, Farrell Dobbs, Linda Jenness
Charles Jay, Boston Tea Party
Now, there's a name for a Political Party! He is a disenfranchised Libertarian, probably since he couldn't run at the top of their ticket. In 2004, he ran for president on the Personal Choice Party, where he got on the ballot in one state, Utah. Despite the fact that his VP was a porn star in the 70's, he amassed 946 votes, third from last. In 2008, he's at it again on the brand new Boston Tea Party where he's now on three states, including Tennessee. For those of you who think the Libertarians have strayed too far from their original ideals, this may be your guy.
Some of the issues:
Slogan: Party like it's 1773!
Legalize Marijuana and hemp.
Immediate withdrawal from Iraq
Yearly increase of Federal income tax exemptions
Gloria La Riva, Party for Socialism and Liberation
Gloria is no stranger to losing as a 3rd party candidate on the national stage, running most of the time as a candidate for the Workers World Party. If you haven't caught on yet, most of the third party candidates are either far-far-far right and make republicans look like Big Government folks by comparison or far-far-far left and make Democrats look like relatively tax-cutting warmongers. It should be no surprise that Gloria is a far-far-far left Marxist. Among her contributions to society is translating Fidel Castro's books into English.
In 2004, the Worker's World Party split apart and the Party for Socialism and Liberation was born. In 2008, she tried to get the nomination of the Peace and Freedom Party in California, but that went to Ralph Nader. Lucky for Californians, there will be no lack of Socialists on their ballot. There's one to fit every need. The VP candidate is Michael Prysner, an anti-war Iraq war veteran. For what it's worth, the Worker's World Party is not running a candidate this year and throwing their support to Cynthia McKinney.
Some of the issues:
Stop Capitalism, which is ruining everybody's life.
Minimum Wage should be $15 an hour.
One full year of paid maternity leave.
Give Puerto Rico its independence.
Brian Moore (no relation), Socialist Party USA
If you were hoping for more socialists than you could shake a stick at, your dream is starting to come true. In the past, in various elections, he's run as a Democrat, a Republican, the Green Party, and Now calls the Socialist Party his home. In Vermont, he'll appear on the Liberty Union Party.
Some of the issues:
Abolish the FBI, CIA and the NSA, cut military spending in half, only go to war after the U.S. citizens vote for it and unionize the armed forces.
6 weeks paid vacation and 30 hour work week for everyone.
Retirement age set at 55.
Lower the voting age to 15, and let prisoners vote.
Government should run the pharmaceutical industry.
eliminate use of pesticides and genetically engineered crops.
Other Socialists that didn't win: Frank Zeidler, Willa Kenoyer, J. Quinn Brisben
Thomas Stevens, Objectivist Party
Ever read Ayn Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism? If you answered yes, then you have something in common with Thomas Stevens. He agrees with the philosophy so much that on Ayn Rand's birthday this year (which is also groundhog day and my dad's birthday) he started the Objectivist Party, and is running on the principles set forth in her book, which is essentially another form of Libertarianism. One minor detail sticking point here is that Rand is on record objecting to Libertarian candidates or an Objectivist party. Oh well, maybe a party can be formed based on the works of George Orwell. Realistically, most of the electorate can't be counted on to read "Atlas Shrugged" when choosing a candidate.
Some of the issues:
Ok. I read over their platform and I really can't get a grasp on what they're saying. The socialists have clear concise bullet points defining their agenda but the objectivists get their platform by cut-and-pasting paragraphs from Rand quotes.
Jonathan Allen, HeartQuake
HeartQuake? That doesn't sound like the name of a political party, but it sounds more like the name of an 80's hair band. He bills himself as a non-partisan independent, whereas Democrats and Republicans would never get anything accomplished, a career non-politician needs to step up to the plate and show 'em how it's done. He gives himself the nickname "The People's President." He will appear on the ballot only in Colorado.
Some of the issues:
Have the government completely set up the alternative energy infrastructure.
Tax cuts for stay at home moms.
Grants to provide broadband internet to rural communities.
Pull the troops out of Iraq so they can defend us at home.
George Phillies, Libertarian Party
Since the baseball team from the city of Philadelphia (known by the nickname of "Phillies" won the World Series this year of 2008, Candidate George could probably sell his website Phillies2008.org for when he loses his candidacy for president. Unlike Bob Barr and Wayne Allen Root, he's not a disenfranchised Republican looking for a new home; George has been a Libertarian for a long time. When seeking the party's nomination, he wasn't happy that he, a true Libertarian, lost to the party newcomers. Neither were party leaders of New Hampshire, who got him on the ballot in addition to Bob Barr. Not happy about this, the Barr campaign sued the N.H. Sec. of State to remove Phillies from the ballot. The N.H. Sec. of State said that both candidates filed proper paperwork to be on the ballot, and it wasn't his problem. Since that time, the Phillies campaign has spent more time attacking Barr that McCain and Obama, like most other 3rd party candidates. One recent attack was when Barr spent 7% of the money he's raised on Limosine services.
Some of the Issues:
Will not cut taxes until the national debt is erased.
Legalize industrial hemp.
When being sworn in, would place his hand on the Constitution instead of a Bible.
Associate a $5000 per year tax credit for every child to be used for education.
Allow people to opt out of Social Security.
Jeff Boss, Vote Here
Jeff Boss has a website, jeffbossforpresident.org, written in ALL CAPS. I'm reading it so you don't have to. He claims to have witnessed proof that our government was behind 9-11, and if he becomes president, he'll tell us who from the NSA was responsible. If you live in New Jersey, You'll be able to vote for him for President and for the Senate. Oh, and he's also filed an injunction to stop the general election because the NSA is preventing him from having a fair election. He's suing for $400 million. (He's also accepting campaign contributions.) He continues by saying 100 different NSA agents told him the NSA is poisoning cigarettes, and there is an NSA operative in every restaurant to poison food. The NSA tried to kill him twice. He also points out he is the first Jewish Presidential candidate.
Some of the issues:
Bring home all of the troops from Iraq, except some to guard the oil.
Replace electronic voting machines with paper ballots.
quote: "Some type of tax reform"
provide checks and balances on the NSA.
Use NSA satellites to stop illegal immigration and to look for children who are missing.
Government employees should not have to pay federal taxes.
Richard Duncan
He will appear on the ballot only in Ohio this year. He is an urban planner who once argued before the Ohio Supreme Court. He's run for things before, but the only election he ever won was high school freshman class vice president.
some of the issues:
Stay in Iraq but find ways to cut costs.
build a rail system between cities to cut down on auto traffic.
Provide health care to the middle class who needs it most.
maybe a border fence.
Bradford Lyttle, United States Pacifist Party
He and Abraham Bassford make up another ticket that will be on the ballot in Colorado. He's been running each year from his party since 1984. For those of us who are mathematically inclined, he has been kind enough on his website to tell us when our untimely Apocalypse is coming using this formula: AP=1-[1-P]^TxN. Essentially, we need world peace or we're going to bomb each other out of existence. Lucky for him he doesn't publish his home address on his website, or anyone could go rob the place without fear of being harmed.
some of the isues:
Abolish the selective service.
Reduce the military budget to zero.
in favor of one world government.
give a negative income tax rate to the poor (so that they receive money).
completely open borders.
Frank McEnulty
Showing up as the vice presidential candidate of the Reform Party alongside Ted Weill this year just isn't good enough for Frank. He also shows up as a presidential candidate in Colorado, where it's starting to appear as the easiest state in the country to show up on the ballot, apparently. His VP choice, Mark B Graham did appear to be running as a presidential candidate somewhere else. His slogan is "Anything is possible in America." (For $30, you can get that slogan on a T-shirt from his website, frankforpresident.org.) However, what isn't possible is winning the presidency when you only appear on the ballot in one state.
some of the issues:
Taxes shouldn't be lowered or raised. They're juuuuuuust right.
Against a Constitutional Amendment to stop flag burning, taking the approach that if nobody pays attention to flag burners, the problem will go away on it's own.
Death penalty, gun rights and prayer in school should be decided on the state level and not by the federal government.
John Joseph Polachek, New Party
Looking for a candidate that doesn't stand for anything? John Joseph might be your guy. John happens to be the 2nd Chicagoan to be running for president this year. (Well, third if you count Hillary.) So, a funny thing happened on the way to the Illinois Election Commission. He filed notarized paperwork and a petition with the Illinois state board of elections. Illinois state law requires petitions have to have 25,000 signatures on them to be listed on the ballot, and, Oops!, his petition had zero signatures on it, not even his own. However, Illinois state law also requires another candidate or party (presumably a Republican or Democrat) to challenge the notarized paperwork. Oops! Nobody actually challenged the petition with no names on it. Viola, John Joseph, whoever he might be, is now one 7 candidates appearing on the Illinois ballot, and nobody's even certain he's a real person. He can't be any worse than some of the other clowns who are running. Who's with me?
Ron Paul, Louisiana Taxpayers Party
OK, you already know who Ron Paul is. When the Ron Paul Revolution didn't fully revolute to win the Republican Party nomination, he endorsed Chuck Baldwin instead of running in the general election, partially so he could focus in re-winning his seat in congress. That didn't stop the Louisiana Taxpayers Party from placing him on the ballot after all. The nominated VP is the son of a former Republican presidential nominee, a Californian congressman himself, Barry Goldwater Jr. They've been running TV ads claiming their ticket will "Smack Down the Blood Suckers." They'll also sell the ad to your candidate and replace Paul's picture with your candidate for $100.
Not on the ballot? No Problem!
Each of these candidates are running strictly as write-in candidates
Donald K. Allen
He might be the only former professional horseshoer running for President. He focuses on stopping Political Contributions.
some of the issues:
would appoint a Secretary of Agriculture who would stop puppy mills.
Any U.S. Citizen unhappy living here should be offered $25,000 to leave and never come back.
All elected official should be subject to random drug testing.
Every Saturday, have a Purple Heart recipient spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Santa Claus
Yes Virginia (and 15 other states), there is a Santa Claus, and he's running for President. However, it's not the Santa Claus, silly! It's actually the Santa Claus of Incline Village, Nev., who legally changed his name from Thomas O'Connor in 2005. While he doesn't actually appear on any ballot, he registered as a write-in candidate in 16 different states. He's got a website, Santaslink.net, as well as this spiffy youtube video where he announces his candidacy.
Some of the issues:
His primary focus is to help neglected and abused children.
Replace the federal income tax with a consumption tax. That's on a lot of people's wish list!
More nuclear power.
Leonard Habermehl
When asked why he's running, he answered, "I'm over 35 and I'm a citizen, so why not." He is a Maintenance machinest who registered as a write-in candidate in Kentucky. To do that, one must pay a $50 filing fee and provide a list of the 8 people you'd want as your electors. He knows he won't win, but if he did, he'd try to be like Harry Truman. His VP is an old Air Force buddy from Dallas. The issue most important to him is stopping illegal immigration, but to allow immigrants a path to citizenship by serving in the military or a public works program.
Thaddaus Hill, Madisonian-Federalist Party
Along with VP choice Gordon Bailey, he is a write-in candidate in Texas. The key to his campaign is he is running as a Strict Constructionist in the mold of James Madison.
Keith Russell Judd
Do you already feel like all politicians are crooks? If so, you can vote for one candidate who is already in prison. That way, you already know what you're getting. Judd has been locked up in Beaumont Texas since 1999 and is scheduled for release in 2013. With a lot of free time on his hand, and a little bit of money, he researched how to get his name on the ballot in different states. He picked 14 states to fill out paperwork and send in the necessary filing fee to be an official write-in candidate. Half of the states declined his filing, but he was able to actually get on the Democrat primary ballot, along with Clinton and Obama. On the forms, he listed his campaign office phone number as the tip line for the local Beaumont newspaper. He's tried this before, and in 2004, he got 0 votes. For obvious reasons, he isn't actively campaigning and he doesn't have a campaign website, but I suspect that if elected, his first priority would be to pardon himself.
Don Cordell
"How can I smile when America is in trouble?" Don asks this question at the beginning of his webpage. My response is "How can I read your website when you change the font typeface and the colors from red to blue so often?" How can I smile when you drone on and on about the New World Order and the Trilateral Commission? He falls into the category of knowing just enough html code to be dangerous. He also makes the case that George Bush (the first one) ordered the Assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan since John Hinkley was a family friend. Lots of good stuff.
Some of the issues:
Will stop the CIA from importing illegal drugs.
Increase Jury duty pay.
retake the Panama Canal.
Setup a second highway system so we have one for semi-trucks and the other one for the rest of us.
Anyone found writing graffiti can be shot with guns loaded with rock salt.
Ronald E. Gascon
Has run in the past under the pseudonym John Galt Jr. In 2004, he raised all of his campaign funds by asking supporters to send him a $2 bill. 57 people did.
Some of the issues:
Limit ATM fees to $1.
See if radio towers can be converted to windmills.
Change driving age to 18.
The only candidate that composts.
Teachers don't need to make more money because waitresses make a lot less money.
lower the legal drinking age to 18 (just in time to start driving!)
legalize medical marijuana.
Neither pro-life or pro-choice.
Jack Grimes, United Fascist
For the third time, he is running for president so that if he were elected, he could govern using the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein. But then, I suppose our military would have to overthrow him, I guess. He thinks he would make an ideal president because he came from nothing, and isn't that what the American dream is all about? Plus, he has a cool helmet!
Some of the issues:
Rule the entire Earth using a military Dictatorship
Abolish paper money and replace it with Transferable Work Point Cards.
Establish a Universal Price Index to set the price on rent, cars, etc...
Not require vehicle emissions testing.
Strict censorship on the press.
Plans to run again in 2012.
Build a flood wall by the river that runs near his house.
RC "Rob" Jorgensen
He'd like it, if you choose to vote for him with your write-in vote to write "In Rob We Trust." He points out that Bush is the 43rd President and he is 44 years old. Coincidence? I think so. He also talks about how the 9-11 terrorists were mind controlled using nano-technology. He also wrote a letter to the Pope to get him to tell Mexicans to not flood into America illegally. His National defense strategy is called Vidal Onion.
some of the issues:
replace the Latin words on the dollar with "Diversity is our strength"
Send Bush to the Hague to pay for his war crimes.
Build more cars to use Hydrogen Fuel
Frank Moore (no relation)
He was born with Cerebral Palsy and has spent the last several decades as a performance artist, and is best known for his controversial obscene art that was funded by the NEA in the early 90's.
some of the issues:
No Welfare or Social Security, and instead everyone will get a check for $1,000 from the government. Free health care. Free mass transit. Free education. And he is pro-business.
Election Day will be a paid holiday.
Taxpayers can choose what their taxes will go to pay for.
Pot should be legalized, taxed, and sold over-the-counter. Will also provide free substance abuse programs from the government.
Can't get enough? There's more...
At this point, if you still feel like you're lacking the candidate you need, you're just nuts and I can't help you. Well, actually I can help you as there are still a few more candidates you can look up on your own time:
Steve Adams Common Sense for Uncommon Times
Blake Ashby At least he tells the truth.
John K. Bootie The next Lincoln-Reagan
Clark Braxton For a future worth living.
Richard H. Clark Take back America!
Orion Karl Daley (Balanced Party)
Christopher J. Dardzinski Promoting serious debate on the Federal Reserve System
Michael David Elder Goal to replace the Constitution and make us an Imperial Republic.
Cris Ericson (Marijuana Party)
Nick Farmer
Quay Fortuna
Mark B Graham Are you ready for a change
Brian Holland Hope for American Patriots
Bill Ingram
Daniel Kingery
Steve Kissing Put a square in the Oval Office
David Koch
William Koenig
"Pee Wee" Lloyd-Duffle
Brad Lord-Leutwyler
Joe Martyniuk $2 Gasoline for Christmas
Charles T. Maxham (Give Me Back America Party)
James H McCall
Tom Millican Return America to excellence
Robert Milnes The Green Libertarian Progressive!
James Mote
Arthur J.Regan
"Average Joe" Schriner ...Imagine That!
Edward N. Schwarz (Youth International Party) Abbie Hoffman inspired Yippie
Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey(Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party) "Impale George Bush"
Diane Templin (The American Party)
Da Vid (Light Party) the Holistic New Paradigm Party
Lanakila Washington (Humanistic Party)
Jerry White (Socialist Equality Party)
Ruth Bryant White More than a woman presidential campaign
Kelcey Wilson
Too cheap to spring for a website; Campaigning from MySpace:
Desmond Ravenstone
Charles Symonds
Can't even do that; No web presence whatsoever:
Lawson Mitchell Bone (From Tennessee); Ted Brown, Sr.; James D. Criveau; Michael L. Faith; John Greenspon; Yonyuth Hongsakaphadana; RaeDeen R. Heupel; Ronald G. Hobbs; Paul Jensen; Lou Kujawski; Kevin Mottus; Gary Nettles; John Leroy Plemons; David Jon Sponheim; Lynne A. Starr; Blaine Taylor
Parties not running a candidate this year:
America First Party is endorsing Bob Barr and Chuck Baldwin
American Heritage Party
American Patriot Party endorsed Chuck Baldwin.
American Reform Party.
The Centrist Party.
Communist Party USA didn't endorse Obama, but they really like him.
Independent American Party endorsed Chuck Baldwin.
Independence Party of America endorsed McCain.
Jefferson Republican Party (they ran a candidate for TN Governor in '06, nobody for president)
Labor Party
Libertarian National Socialist Green Party (Nazi.org)
Moderate Party
Modern Whig Party
National Socialist Movement endorsed Brian Holland
New Union Party
Populist Party of America
Working Families Party endorsed Obama
And finally...
You could always vote for me!
Who are Candidates in your ballot box?
in your ballot box?
in your ball.....ot box?
Who are those others in your ballot box?
They are easy to defeat,
And a few of them are freaks.
They're the people who won't win today!
------------------------------------------
Over the last few months, all of the Presidential election attention has been focused on McCain and Obama, and for good reason, since they're going to account for about 99% of the vote. However, for those of you that don't like either McCain or Obama or want to be pragmatic and pick the lesser of two evils, yet still desire to exercise your right to vote, have no fear. Whether it's Bob Barr or Cynthia McKinney, or somewhere in between, there's a candidate for you!
At this point, if you feel the need to vote for either Obama or McCain but still can't decide, I can't help you. Everything you've ever wanted to know about either one is out there already. This guide is more for the purpose of mentioning all of those other names that will appear on your ballot, some of which have good ideas for the country and others who don't deserve anybody's vote. If after reading this guide, just one person has decided who to vote for, then I have failed, because my goal is simply to entertain! If I unfairly state a candidates position, get over it; this is the worthless election guide. I'm not trying to be fair to anybody. For most of the candidates, I've picked a few of their positions, usually looking for stuff that is original, or in a few cases, downright stupid.
-------------------------------------
On the newsstands Now!!!
If you like my Totally Worthless 2008 Election Guide Blog, then purchase my Totally Worthless 2008 Election Guide printed version in convenient magazine form. You get everything you see in this blog post, plus the following:
Las Vegas Odds
Scouting Reports
Injury Updates
Current BCS rankings
Coaches Top 25 Poll results
Updates and Information for fantasy and rotisserie political leagues
All this, and more for only $8.95. Get it before it's gone. Also, get it before the election, 'cause afterword, it's really worthless.
------------------------------------
Candidates and Parties you may have heard of:
Bob Barr, Libertarian Party
Out of all of the 3rd party candidates who are running this year, or who have ever run, here's a candidate who has actually won something before. He was elected 4 times as U.S. Congressman from Georgia, so he's actually got a little bit of Washington experience, and wouldn't completely bomb as a president. He's a disenfranchised Republican who is hoping to get votes from other conservatives who don't like McCain. He probably ends up as the biggest loser from when McCain picked Palin as his running mate, since there were a bunch of other disenfranchised republicans that were seriously thinking about voting for him but were then fired up about the Palin VP Pick. Frankly, a bunch of Republicans would still vote for him if it weren't for the fact he wants to pull the military out of Iraq.Barr narrowly defeated Wayne Allen Root for the Party's nomination, and Root became the VP candidate instead. Root also is a former Republican, who owns a sports gambling business in Las Vegas. He married a beauty queen and owns a tv production company "Cool Hand Root." His life might make for the coolest candidate if Palin wasn't running.
Some of the issues:
Would pull out of Iraq, because it costs too much.
Abolish the U.S. Department of Education
Eliminate the Income tax
Repeal the law allowing anchor babies from having automatic U.S. citizenship.
Other Libertarians who didn't win: Harry Brown from Tennessee, Ron Paul, Michael Badnarik
Cynthia McKinney, Green Party
In 2000, for those of you who didn't think Al Gore spent enough time focusing on saving the Environment, Ralph Nader and the Green Party was for you. For whatever reason, Ralph Nader didn't leave the Green Party, but the Green Party left him. Maybe it's because there was another former U.S. Congressman from Georgia that wanted to run for President this year.McKinney is as far left as Barr is far right. She spent some of her time in congress leading the charge that President Bush was responsible for the 9-11 attacks, tried to Impeach Bush, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice, and tried to get Congress to investigate the murder of Tupac Shakur. She also believes the U.S. government dumped the bodies of 5000 political prisoners killed by a single gunshot in a Louisiana swamp using Hurricane Katrina as cover.
She made national headlines in 2006 when she was involved in an incident with Capitol Hill police when she went around the metal detectors (as congressmen and women are allowed) and the policeman didn't recognize her. Then the policeman laid the smackdown on her.
She's been endorsed by Roseanne Barr (who's not related to Bob).
Some of the issues:
All of our domestic policy should be controlled by the U.N.
Allow Hawaii's independence from the US.
Stop all Nuclear power
Raise gasoline taxes based on how many MPG the car gets
Other Green Party Candidates that didn't win: Ralph Nader, David Cobb
Ted Weill, Reform Party
It's the political party started by Ross Perot in 1992, and had the best showing of any third party candidate in recent memory. The party did it's best to be the party of moderates, and actually had a candidate win a prominent race, when Jesse Ventura became Minnesota's Governor. However, the party has fallen on hard times. In 2000, two candidates tried to secure the nomination of the moderate party because the candidate would get a bunch of free government money. one candidate was far right and one far left. Now it's 2008 and their website doesn't even have the name Ted Weill on it.
Some of the issues:
Whatever you believe, we believe it too - Join our party.
Wants to appear on the ballot in all 50 states (This year, they're only in Mississippi).
Privatize the TVA.
Institute term limits to the U.S. House and Senate members.
Other Reformers that didn't win: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader
Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party
Guess who's endorsed by Ron Paul? This guy! He's also the third person mentioned here on the parade of people who used to be Republicans. (It's a long line.) He's even gone so far as comparing Bush to Hitler, something that you'll typically only hear from the left. He's a preacher and a talk show radio host in Florida, and that was enough for him to defeat Alan Keyes for the party's nomination. The centerpiece of his platform is that no foreign government should own any U.S. property. He will appear on the ballot as the candidate from the Constitution Party in 19 states, the Alaskan Independence Party in Alaska, the Kansas Reform Party in Kansas, the U.S. Taxpayers Party in Michigan, The Nebraska Independence Party in Nebraska and unaffiliated in 27 states.Some of the issues:
Eliminate the Food and Drug Administration.
Raise tariffs on all imported goods.
Pull out of NAFTA.
Says he could overturn Roe V. Wade as President.
Other Constitution Party Candidates that didn't win: Michael Peroutka, Howard Phillips
Ralph Nader
Ralph Nader is unsafe at any speed. Actually, that was the name of his first book, "Unsafe at Any Speed" where he first came to national prominence by talking about how the Chevy Corvair would kill you. From there, he was known as an accomplished consumer advocate, which is probably more impressive than what Obama has ever done as a community organizer. After being asked to run for President all the way back in 1972, he finally gave in to the demand in 2000 and ran as the Green Party candidate, and then felt the love from the Reform Party in 2004.When he was running in 2000, there was a rather large outcry that he was stealing votes from Al Gore. In fact, when Bush won the state of Florida over Gore, the margin was 537 votes. Nader got 97,000 votes in Florida and presumably most of those voters would have gone to Gore if Nader wasn't a choice. Some people say that Nader didn't actually think he got that many votes in Florida and somehow the Republicans stole the election by having a bunch of Gore votes counted as Nader votes instead.
In 2000, someone showed me a website called NaderTrader. The point was if you were a Nader fan, you'd still want Gore to defeat Bush nationally. Nader fans in battleground states would trade their votes with Gore fans in strong democrat states. For instance, a Nader fan in Tennessee would vote for Gore and a Gore fan in Massachusetts would take the trade and vote for Nader. I didn't have an interest in voting for either, but I thought about signing up just so I could screw up somebody else.
So, what party is Nader running as this year? He's on the Independent Party in CT, HI, DE, MD and NM, The Peace and Freedom Party in Iowa, California and Utah, Populist Party in New York, Ecology Party in Florida, The Peace Party in Oregon and the Natural Law party in Michigan. He's not listed with a party in 34 states and is write-in in the other 4. There will be a test on this later. All in all, he is the non-republican-or-democrat likely to get the most votes.
Some of the issues:
Really, really cut the military budget.
Wants to be in the presidential debates (in fact, on his website, he has youtube videos of him answering the actual debate questions).
Start a Carbon pollution Tax and a tax on Securities speculation.
Set up a system for nationwide ballot referendums.
Alan Keyes, America's Independent Party
Alan Keyes does not give up. In 1988 and then in 1992, he ran unsuccessfully as a Republican for Maryland's US Senate seat, but of course it's a highly democratic state. Focusing his attention on the Presidency, he's tried to win the Republican Nomination in 1996, 2000 and again in 2008. He even made it into one of the debates this year. Keyes also already has experience losing big to Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race and will bring that experience to lose big to Obama on the National stage. When he didn't win the nomination of the Constitution Party, he then started America's Independent Party (not to be confused with the American Independent Party, although the two eventually merged). He has always had a small but loyal group of followers and is another former Republican who hopes to draw votes from the conservatives who won't vote for McCain. All in all, he's sort of a fiscal libertarian, strong national defense and social conservative.Some of the Issues
Pro-Life is the most important issue, and the national director of American Right to Life is the VP choice.
Wants a Marriage protection amendment.
repeal McCain/Feingold.
repeal the 17th amendment which lets the people vote for Senators, instead of Senators being chosen by a state's legislature.
Candidates and Parties you probably haven't heard of:
Gene Amondson, Prohibition Party
A long, long time ago in a political era far, far away, the Prohibition Party was prominent on the American political landscape. As you might guess, the sole focus of the party is to outlaw the sale and consumption of alcoholic beverages. These were some of the people who were behind the 18th amendment which banned the sale and manufacturing of alcohol. This, of course, proved to be very unpopular in the country and was repealed with the 21st amendment, causing the party to dwindle in numbers, because by then it was an unpopular concept. According to him, though, those 13 years were the best years of our country. He says our prisons were empty, illiteracy was low, the US balanced the budget and nobody suffered from cirrhosis of the liver.Despite the narrow focus of their political platform and a small number of adherents, the party still managed to find a way to split in 2003, with a second party forming under the name National Prohibition Party. Earl Dodge had been the candidate for 5 strait elections and in 2000 received a grand total of 208 votes. In 2004 Gene Amondson stepped in to save the party and at least triple the vote count. When the two explosive personalities decided there wasn't enough room for the both of them in the one party, they split. (side note: The 2004 convention was held at the Tennessee resort Fairfield Glade.) In 04, Gene did indeed up the vote totals, with 1,944. In his spare time, he paints and sells those paintings on his campaign website or he can officiate your wedding.
some of the issues:
95% of all violent crime is alcohol related
Death penalty for repeat DUI offenders.
Alcohol is the biggest spreader of AIDS.
Would ban tobacco, gambling and pornography.
Newt Gingrich would be his top adviser.
Is looking for a wife, if you're interested.
Other Prohibitionists that didn't win: Silas Swallow [insert joke here], John St. John, Herbert Hoover
Róger Calero, Socialist Workers Party
As you might imagine, This is a far-left leaning candidate from a far-left leaning party. He wants to be your president, but there's one teeny, tiny little problem: He wasn't actually born in America. You may have heard of the Constitution; it's an old document that says how our government is run and stuff. One of the lines in the constitution says you have to be born an American citizen to run for President. Thankfully, some five states haven't actually read the Constitution and have allowed Calero (born in Nicaragua) on the Ballot. Sadly, some other 9 states have read the Constitution and won't allow Calero on the ballot, so in those states James Harris will appear on the ballot in his place. Calero is the first presidential candidate who was at one time deported. The website for this happy little political campaign is TheMilitant.com
Some of the issues:
Make all immigrants legalized citizens.
Normalize US relations with Cuba.
Stop cop brutality.
Nationalize the entire energy industry.
Other Socialist Workers who didn't win: Peter Camejo, Farrell Dobbs, Linda Jenness
Charles Jay, Boston Tea Party
Now, there's a name for a Political Party! He is a disenfranchised Libertarian, probably since he couldn't run at the top of their ticket. In 2004, he ran for president on the Personal Choice Party, where he got on the ballot in one state, Utah. Despite the fact that his VP was a porn star in the 70's, he amassed 946 votes, third from last. In 2008, he's at it again on the brand new Boston Tea Party where he's now on three states, including Tennessee. For those of you who think the Libertarians have strayed too far from their original ideals, this may be your guy.
Some of the issues:
Slogan: Party like it's 1773!
Legalize Marijuana and hemp.
Immediate withdrawal from Iraq
Yearly increase of Federal income tax exemptions
Gloria La Riva, Party for Socialism and Liberation
Gloria is no stranger to losing as a 3rd party candidate on the national stage, running most of the time as a candidate for the Workers World Party. If you haven't caught on yet, most of the third party candidates are either far-far-far right and make republicans look like Big Government folks by comparison or far-far-far left and make Democrats look like relatively tax-cutting warmongers. It should be no surprise that Gloria is a far-far-far left Marxist. Among her contributions to society is translating Fidel Castro's books into English.In 2004, the Worker's World Party split apart and the Party for Socialism and Liberation was born. In 2008, she tried to get the nomination of the Peace and Freedom Party in California, but that went to Ralph Nader. Lucky for Californians, there will be no lack of Socialists on their ballot. There's one to fit every need. The VP candidate is Michael Prysner, an anti-war Iraq war veteran. For what it's worth, the Worker's World Party is not running a candidate this year and throwing their support to Cynthia McKinney.
Some of the issues:
Stop Capitalism, which is ruining everybody's life.
Minimum Wage should be $15 an hour.
One full year of paid maternity leave.
Give Puerto Rico its independence.
Brian Moore (no relation), Socialist Party USA
If you were hoping for more socialists than you could shake a stick at, your dream is starting to come true. In the past, in various elections, he's run as a Democrat, a Republican, the Green Party, and Now calls the Socialist Party his home. In Vermont, he'll appear on the Liberty Union Party.Some of the issues:
Abolish the FBI, CIA and the NSA, cut military spending in half, only go to war after the U.S. citizens vote for it and unionize the armed forces.
6 weeks paid vacation and 30 hour work week for everyone.
Retirement age set at 55.
Lower the voting age to 15, and let prisoners vote.
Government should run the pharmaceutical industry.
eliminate use of pesticides and genetically engineered crops.
Other Socialists that didn't win: Frank Zeidler, Willa Kenoyer, J. Quinn Brisben
Thomas Stevens, Objectivist Party
Ever read Ayn Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism? If you answered yes, then you have something in common with Thomas Stevens. He agrees with the philosophy so much that on Ayn Rand's birthday this year (which is also groundhog day and my dad's birthday) he started the Objectivist Party, and is running on the principles set forth in her book, which is essentially another form of Libertarianism. One minor detail sticking point here is that Rand is on record objecting to Libertarian candidates or an Objectivist party. Oh well, maybe a party can be formed based on the works of George Orwell. Realistically, most of the electorate can't be counted on to read "Atlas Shrugged" when choosing a candidate.
Some of the issues:
Ok. I read over their platform and I really can't get a grasp on what they're saying. The socialists have clear concise bullet points defining their agenda but the objectivists get their platform by cut-and-pasting paragraphs from Rand quotes.
Jonathan Allen, HeartQuake
HeartQuake? That doesn't sound like the name of a political party, but it sounds more like the name of an 80's hair band. He bills himself as a non-partisan independent, whereas Democrats and Republicans would never get anything accomplished, a career non-politician needs to step up to the plate and show 'em how it's done. He gives himself the nickname "The People's President." He will appear on the ballot only in Colorado.Some of the issues:
Have the government completely set up the alternative energy infrastructure.
Tax cuts for stay at home moms.
Grants to provide broadband internet to rural communities.
Pull the troops out of Iraq so they can defend us at home.
George Phillies, Libertarian Party
Since the baseball team from the city of Philadelphia (known by the nickname of "Phillies" won the World Series this year of 2008, Candidate George could probably sell his website Phillies2008.org for when he loses his candidacy for president. Unlike Bob Barr and Wayne Allen Root, he's not a disenfranchised Republican looking for a new home; George has been a Libertarian for a long time. When seeking the party's nomination, he wasn't happy that he, a true Libertarian, lost to the party newcomers. Neither were party leaders of New Hampshire, who got him on the ballot in addition to Bob Barr. Not happy about this, the Barr campaign sued the N.H. Sec. of State to remove Phillies from the ballot. The N.H. Sec. of State said that both candidates filed proper paperwork to be on the ballot, and it wasn't his problem. Since that time, the Phillies campaign has spent more time attacking Barr that McCain and Obama, like most other 3rd party candidates. One recent attack was when Barr spent 7% of the money he's raised on Limosine services.Some of the Issues:
Will not cut taxes until the national debt is erased.
Legalize industrial hemp.
When being sworn in, would place his hand on the Constitution instead of a Bible.
Associate a $5000 per year tax credit for every child to be used for education.
Allow people to opt out of Social Security.
Jeff Boss, Vote Here
Jeff Boss has a website, jeffbossforpresident.org, written in ALL CAPS. I'm reading it so you don't have to. He claims to have witnessed proof that our government was behind 9-11, and if he becomes president, he'll tell us who from the NSA was responsible. If you live in New Jersey, You'll be able to vote for him for President and for the Senate. Oh, and he's also filed an injunction to stop the general election because the NSA is preventing him from having a fair election. He's suing for $400 million. (He's also accepting campaign contributions.) He continues by saying 100 different NSA agents told him the NSA is poisoning cigarettes, and there is an NSA operative in every restaurant to poison food. The NSA tried to kill him twice. He also points out he is the first Jewish Presidential candidate.
Some of the issues:
Bring home all of the troops from Iraq, except some to guard the oil.
Replace electronic voting machines with paper ballots.
quote: "Some type of tax reform"
provide checks and balances on the NSA.
Use NSA satellites to stop illegal immigration and to look for children who are missing.
Government employees should not have to pay federal taxes.
Richard Duncan
He will appear on the ballot only in Ohio this year. He is an urban planner who once argued before the Ohio Supreme Court. He's run for things before, but the only election he ever won was high school freshman class vice president.
some of the issues:
Stay in Iraq but find ways to cut costs.
build a rail system between cities to cut down on auto traffic.
Provide health care to the middle class who needs it most.
maybe a border fence.
Bradford Lyttle, United States Pacifist Party
He and Abraham Bassford make up another ticket that will be on the ballot in Colorado. He's been running each year from his party since 1984. For those of us who are mathematically inclined, he has been kind enough on his website to tell us when our untimely Apocalypse is coming using this formula: AP=1-[1-P]^TxN. Essentially, we need world peace or we're going to bomb each other out of existence. Lucky for him he doesn't publish his home address on his website, or anyone could go rob the place without fear of being harmed.
some of the isues:
Abolish the selective service.
Reduce the military budget to zero.
in favor of one world government.
give a negative income tax rate to the poor (so that they receive money).
completely open borders.
Frank McEnulty
Showing up as the vice presidential candidate of the Reform Party alongside Ted Weill this year just isn't good enough for Frank. He also shows up as a presidential candidate in Colorado, where it's starting to appear as the easiest state in the country to show up on the ballot, apparently. His VP choice, Mark B Graham did appear to be running as a presidential candidate somewhere else. His slogan is "Anything is possible in America." (For $30, you can get that slogan on a T-shirt from his website, frankforpresident.org.) However, what isn't possible is winning the presidency when you only appear on the ballot in one state.
some of the issues:
Taxes shouldn't be lowered or raised. They're juuuuuuust right.
Against a Constitutional Amendment to stop flag burning, taking the approach that if nobody pays attention to flag burners, the problem will go away on it's own.
Death penalty, gun rights and prayer in school should be decided on the state level and not by the federal government.
John Joseph Polachek, New Party
Looking for a candidate that doesn't stand for anything? John Joseph might be your guy. John happens to be the 2nd Chicagoan to be running for president this year. (Well, third if you count Hillary.) So, a funny thing happened on the way to the Illinois Election Commission. He filed notarized paperwork and a petition with the Illinois state board of elections. Illinois state law requires petitions have to have 25,000 signatures on them to be listed on the ballot, and, Oops!, his petition had zero signatures on it, not even his own. However, Illinois state law also requires another candidate or party (presumably a Republican or Democrat) to challenge the notarized paperwork. Oops! Nobody actually challenged the petition with no names on it. Viola, John Joseph, whoever he might be, is now one 7 candidates appearing on the Illinois ballot, and nobody's even certain he's a real person. He can't be any worse than some of the other clowns who are running. Who's with me?Ron Paul, Louisiana Taxpayers Party
OK, you already know who Ron Paul is. When the Ron Paul Revolution didn't fully revolute to win the Republican Party nomination, he endorsed Chuck Baldwin instead of running in the general election, partially so he could focus in re-winning his seat in congress. That didn't stop the Louisiana Taxpayers Party from placing him on the ballot after all. The nominated VP is the son of a former Republican presidential nominee, a Californian congressman himself, Barry Goldwater Jr. They've been running TV ads claiming their ticket will "Smack Down the Blood Suckers." They'll also sell the ad to your candidate and replace Paul's picture with your candidate for $100.
Not on the ballot? No Problem!
Each of these candidates are running strictly as write-in candidates
Donald K. Allen
He might be the only former professional horseshoer running for President. He focuses on stopping Political Contributions.
some of the issues:
would appoint a Secretary of Agriculture who would stop puppy mills.
Any U.S. Citizen unhappy living here should be offered $25,000 to leave and never come back.
All elected official should be subject to random drug testing.
Every Saturday, have a Purple Heart recipient spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Santa Claus
Yes Virginia (and 15 other states), there is a Santa Claus, and he's running for President. However, it's not the Santa Claus, silly! It's actually the Santa Claus of Incline Village, Nev., who legally changed his name from Thomas O'Connor in 2005. While he doesn't actually appear on any ballot, he registered as a write-in candidate in 16 different states. He's got a website, Santaslink.net, as well as this spiffy youtube video where he announces his candidacy.Some of the issues:
His primary focus is to help neglected and abused children.
Replace the federal income tax with a consumption tax. That's on a lot of people's wish list!
More nuclear power.
Leonard Habermehl
When asked why he's running, he answered, "I'm over 35 and I'm a citizen, so why not." He is a Maintenance machinest who registered as a write-in candidate in Kentucky. To do that, one must pay a $50 filing fee and provide a list of the 8 people you'd want as your electors. He knows he won't win, but if he did, he'd try to be like Harry Truman. His VP is an old Air Force buddy from Dallas. The issue most important to him is stopping illegal immigration, but to allow immigrants a path to citizenship by serving in the military or a public works program.Thaddaus Hill, Madisonian-Federalist Party
Along with VP choice Gordon Bailey, he is a write-in candidate in Texas. The key to his campaign is he is running as a Strict Constructionist in the mold of James Madison.
Keith Russell Judd
Do you already feel like all politicians are crooks? If so, you can vote for one candidate who is already in prison. That way, you already know what you're getting. Judd has been locked up in Beaumont Texas since 1999 and is scheduled for release in 2013. With a lot of free time on his hand, and a little bit of money, he researched how to get his name on the ballot in different states. He picked 14 states to fill out paperwork and send in the necessary filing fee to be an official write-in candidate. Half of the states declined his filing, but he was able to actually get on the Democrat primary ballot, along with Clinton and Obama. On the forms, he listed his campaign office phone number as the tip line for the local Beaumont newspaper. He's tried this before, and in 2004, he got 0 votes. For obvious reasons, he isn't actively campaigning and he doesn't have a campaign website, but I suspect that if elected, his first priority would be to pardon himself.Don Cordell
"How can I smile when America is in trouble?" Don asks this question at the beginning of his webpage. My response is "How can I read your website when you change the font typeface and the colors from red to blue so often?" How can I smile when you drone on and on about the New World Order and the Trilateral Commission? He falls into the category of knowing just enough html code to be dangerous. He also makes the case that George Bush (the first one) ordered the Assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan since John Hinkley was a family friend. Lots of good stuff.Some of the issues:
Will stop the CIA from importing illegal drugs.
Increase Jury duty pay.
retake the Panama Canal.
Setup a second highway system so we have one for semi-trucks and the other one for the rest of us.
Anyone found writing graffiti can be shot with guns loaded with rock salt.
Ronald E. Gascon
Has run in the past under the pseudonym John Galt Jr. In 2004, he raised all of his campaign funds by asking supporters to send him a $2 bill. 57 people did.Some of the issues:
Limit ATM fees to $1.
See if radio towers can be converted to windmills.
Change driving age to 18.
The only candidate that composts.
Teachers don't need to make more money because waitresses make a lot less money.
lower the legal drinking age to 18 (just in time to start driving!)
legalize medical marijuana.
Neither pro-life or pro-choice.
Jack Grimes, United Fascist
For the third time, he is running for president so that if he were elected, he could govern using the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein. But then, I suppose our military would have to overthrow him, I guess. He thinks he would make an ideal president because he came from nothing, and isn't that what the American dream is all about? Plus, he has a cool helmet!Some of the issues:
Rule the entire Earth using a military Dictatorship
Abolish paper money and replace it with Transferable Work Point Cards.
Establish a Universal Price Index to set the price on rent, cars, etc...
Not require vehicle emissions testing.
Strict censorship on the press.
Plans to run again in 2012.
Build a flood wall by the river that runs near his house.
RC "Rob" Jorgensen
He'd like it, if you choose to vote for him with your write-in vote to write "In Rob We Trust." He points out that Bush is the 43rd President and he is 44 years old. Coincidence? I think so. He also talks about how the 9-11 terrorists were mind controlled using nano-technology. He also wrote a letter to the Pope to get him to tell Mexicans to not flood into America illegally. His National defense strategy is called Vidal Onion.
some of the issues:
replace the Latin words on the dollar with "Diversity is our strength"
Send Bush to the Hague to pay for his war crimes.
Build more cars to use Hydrogen Fuel
Frank Moore (no relation)
He was born with Cerebral Palsy and has spent the last several decades as a performance artist, and is best known for his controversial obscene art that was funded by the NEA in the early 90's.some of the issues:
No Welfare or Social Security, and instead everyone will get a check for $1,000 from the government. Free health care. Free mass transit. Free education. And he is pro-business.
Election Day will be a paid holiday.
Taxpayers can choose what their taxes will go to pay for.
Pot should be legalized, taxed, and sold over-the-counter. Will also provide free substance abuse programs from the government.
Can't get enough? There's more...
At this point, if you still feel like you're lacking the candidate you need, you're just nuts and I can't help you. Well, actually I can help you as there are still a few more candidates you can look up on your own time:
Steve Adams Common Sense for Uncommon Times
Blake Ashby At least he tells the truth.
John K. Bootie The next Lincoln-Reagan
Clark Braxton For a future worth living.
Richard H. Clark Take back America!
Orion Karl Daley (Balanced Party)
Christopher J. Dardzinski Promoting serious debate on the Federal Reserve System
Michael David Elder Goal to replace the Constitution and make us an Imperial Republic.
Cris Ericson (Marijuana Party)
Nick Farmer
Quay Fortuna
Mark B Graham Are you ready for a change
Brian Holland Hope for American Patriots
Bill Ingram
Daniel Kingery
Steve Kissing Put a square in the Oval Office
David Koch
William Koenig
"Pee Wee" Lloyd-Duffle
Brad Lord-Leutwyler
Joe Martyniuk $2 Gasoline for Christmas
Charles T. Maxham (Give Me Back America Party)
James H McCall
Tom Millican Return America to excellence
Robert Milnes The Green Libertarian Progressive!
James Mote
Arthur J.Regan
"Average Joe" Schriner ...Imagine That!
Edward N. Schwarz (Youth International Party) Abbie Hoffman inspired Yippie
Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey(Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party) "Impale George Bush"
Diane Templin (The American Party)
Da Vid (Light Party) the Holistic New Paradigm Party
Lanakila Washington (Humanistic Party)
Jerry White (Socialist Equality Party)
Ruth Bryant White More than a woman presidential campaign
Kelcey Wilson
Too cheap to spring for a website; Campaigning from MySpace:
Desmond Ravenstone
Charles Symonds
Can't even do that; No web presence whatsoever:
Lawson Mitchell Bone (From Tennessee); Ted Brown, Sr.; James D. Criveau; Michael L. Faith; John Greenspon; Yonyuth Hongsakaphadana; RaeDeen R. Heupel; Ronald G. Hobbs; Paul Jensen; Lou Kujawski; Kevin Mottus; Gary Nettles; John Leroy Plemons; David Jon Sponheim; Lynne A. Starr; Blaine Taylor
Parties not running a candidate this year:
America First Party is endorsing Bob Barr and Chuck Baldwin
American Heritage Party
American Patriot Party endorsed Chuck Baldwin.
American Reform Party.
The Centrist Party.
Communist Party USA didn't endorse Obama, but they really like him.
Independent American Party endorsed Chuck Baldwin.
Independence Party of America endorsed McCain.
Jefferson Republican Party (they ran a candidate for TN Governor in '06, nobody for president)
Labor Party
Libertarian National Socialist Green Party (Nazi.org)
Moderate Party
Modern Whig Party
National Socialist Movement endorsed Brian Holland
New Union Party
Populist Party of America
Working Families Party endorsed Obama
And finally...
You could always vote for me!
32598
posted by BrentKMoore | 2:16 AM
|
1 comments
