The Seussian Wedding Ceremony

Today would be Dr. Seuss's 108th birthday. 14 years ago, I wrote this tribute to Dr. Seuss, a wedding ceremony written in his style (and you might just recognize many of his stories which inspired this.) I had an excerpted version of this posted to the blog a few years back, and it linked to a website that is now offline with the entire version, so I decided to publish the entire thing here.

The Seussian Wedding Ceremony
By Brent Moore

Today, all those in Whoville arrived on a barge
To see a pair whose hearts are two sizes too large.

The North-bound Zax and South-bound Zax met there,
So did Horton, and also the Once-ler.
And even the Grinch came with his dog, Max
With Yertle and Sam, even the Lorax.

Here comes the preacher - Gelaneluss Hyde,
Who’s known as a teacher, whose comments are snide.
He’s all decked in Zax-fur and wearing his thneed
And brought in his Snoo book to read off his creed.

Following him was the groom - what a sight!
A grin ten miles wide was on him this night.
His tux was blue and yellow and greenish.
To see his bride come was now his big wish.

First, Best Man One and then Best Man Two came.
Their jobs are simple - no need to explain.
Here comes the flower girl - and she will pass
Pink ones and red ones and then grickle-grass.

One thing’s still missing, we’re not yet complete.
In walking now she comes on her two feet.

Bride.
Cried.
Side.
Abide.

Abide by side.
Bride had Cried.
Abide by bride.
Cried by side.
Cried abide.
Abide by side.
Bride she cried.
Abide by side.

Maids with braids come.
Maids with broods come.
Maids with braids and broods and moods come.

Look, sir. Look, sir.
Mr. Hyde, sir.
Let’s do tricks with braids and broods, sir.
Let’s do tricks with maids and moods, sir.

And here’s a new trick, Mr. Hyde.
Brides with maids
And maids by side.
Brides with broods
And maids with moods.
Maids and moods
Abide by side.

Here’s an easy game to play.
Here’s an easy thing to say.

New bride.
True bride.
Who’s bride?
Lou’s Bride.

Who sides Whose bride?
Lou sides Lou’s bride.
Who cried who’s side whose new bride, sir.
You abide Lou’s side Lou’s new bride, sir.
That’s not easy, Mr. Hyde, sir.

Who brings this lady? Who gives her away?
“I,” said her father, “Will give her today!”

I have a quick message - I’ll tell it now
And then afterward, I’ll cut to the vows.
Marriage is such a great thing for you two.
Now after these questions, you say, ‘I do!’

Would you leave her for a ham?
Would you leave her on a tram?

I would not leave her for a ham.
I would not leave her on a tram.
I do not wish to run or hide.
I would not, could not leave my bride.

Would you leave her for a lime?
Would you leave her anytime?

I would not leave her for a ham.
I would not leave her on a tram.
I would not leave her for a lime.
I would not leave her anytime.
I do not wish to run or hide.
I would not, could not leave my bride.

Would you leave him for a goat?
Would you leave him on a boat?

I would not leave him for a goat.
I would not leave him on a boat.
I do not wish to flee or scram.
I would not, could not leave my man.

Would you leave him for a dime?
Would you leave him anytime?

I would not leave him for a goat.
I would not leave him on a boat.
I would not leave him for a dime.
I would not leave him anytime.
I would not leave him for the house.
I would not, could not leave my spouse.

“Do you?” “Yes, I do!”
“And you?” “Yes, I do!”
“So now it’s official for both of you.”

Mister Hyde then spoke with one more release,
“Speak up right now or forever hold peace.”

A woman in the back stood up to say:
“I am not going to give up today!”
Then she realized how she oddly behaves
And sadly said, “There are too many Daves.”

The preacher spoke in a tone so darkly,
“Let’s get to the rings, bring out the sparkly”

One Ring
Two ring
Red ring
Blue ring.

Black ring
Blue ring
Old ring
New ring.

This one has a little star.
This one has a little carve.
Say, what a lot of rings there are.

Some make us sad.
Some make us bad.
And some make us very, very glad.

Why become sad and bad and glad?
I do not know.
Go ask your dad.

Some are great.
And some are bland.
The bland one has a yellow band.

From there to here,
From here to there,
Precious rings are everywhere.

Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot of funny rings go by.

Where do diamonds come from? I can’t say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.

Some are big.
And some are small.
Some are round.
And some are tall.

Not one of the them is like another.
Don’t ask us why.
Go ask your mother.

Say!
Look at its baguettes!
One, two, three...
How many baguettes do I see?

One, two, three, four, five, six seven,
Eight, nine, ten. It has eleven!

My diamond’s old. My band is gold.
I have jewelry I like to hold.
My ring is off. My finger’s cold.
And now my story is all told.

Who am I? My name is Bing.
On my hand I have a ring.

I have this ring
To help me sing.

When I cling to help me sing.
I wave my hand with a big swing swing.
Then I say, “I sing for string!”
And I get string right on my wing.

So...
If you sing and sing and sing,
You may swing for string
With my Bing ring wing.

From far or near,
From here or there,
Precious rings are everywhere.

Wait! There is one thing that you should not miss:
It’s time you may give your new bride a kiss.

I will say without any deception,
Let’s all go to the wedding’s reception.

Have you ever had a Grunch in your punch?
It has been there since lunch.

Have you ever seen a Yake on your cake?
How’d it survive the bake?

Ever had a Zeese on your Cheese?
I hope he doesn’t sneeze.

Ever seen a Gruit with your fruit?
It is guarding its loot.

Now, for an action that makes us all sigh,
It’s time to cast off our couple goodbye.

Today is gone. Today was fun.
Tomorrow is a honeymoon.

Now I hope this story was written well,
With full apology, mister Giesel.

Copyright 1998