Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Trying to appeal to the highest common denominator. I can't give you 110% effort, but I will give you 107.4% effort. If you're a spammer and leave me a comment, I will make fun of you. I use twice as many semicolons compared to most other bloggers

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Location: Smyrna, Tennessee, United States

As the title implies, I am Brent K. Moore. I married MariLynn Simons on Sept. 25, 1999. we attend Stewart's Creek Church of Christ. We have five pets, a dachshund, Slinkie, a malamute, Juno, and three rabbits, Ebunny and Ifurry, and now Houdini.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

For Halloween, Things that will scare you

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Last month, I went to the Tennessee State fair. Along the midway is the Most Offensive ride ever!

The Most Offensive Ride ever!

If you're on MySpace, you can read my wife's thoughts on it in her Blog.

One of the other things I like at the midway is the yearly "freak show" exhibit called Barnum's Barnyard. It costs $5 to get in to see it, and you can't use your camera while inside. In other words, there's no fun in actually seeing it. But I love the signs they have outside!

Barnum's Barnyard

Here, we have:
Cow with 2 faces and 5 legs
Amazing Chickens with 2 heads & 4 Legs
Double Body Pig
Two Face Cat (what a liar!)
Iggy & Ziggy the 2 Headed Piggy

Along the midway: the Freak Show

We have the 2 Headed Turtle. Amazing! Real! Awesome! Alive!
Except for the alive part. It's tough to see here unless you click on the photo above and pull it up full size, but they have added the tiny little word "born" above the big blue ALIVE. I'm not impressed. I saw a 2 headed turtle on Fox News this week and it was still alive.

IMG_4416

I took this photo in 2006. The same sign this year had the "born" removed. They must have a living one now. This tells me one of three things: 1) They got lucky and found another one. 2) They are really common somewhere in the world and the got another one. 3) The one they had came back to life. That would make a good scary story to tell in the dark.

The World's Smallest Horse, maybe

It could be...
It might be...
It can be...
It's possibly...
It's feasibly...
Perchance it is...
The World's Smallest Horse!

ALIVE!

The audience: "How Small is it?"
It's so small, it can fit inside a freakishly large hand. Or it's about the size of a hay bale.

Along the midway: the Freak Show.

Kid with 2 Bodies and 1 Head
Strange but True
Born to live! Born to play the drums! Born to perform magic tricks (using the kid goat with 2 bodies and 1 head)! born to wear a Hawaiian shirt and 2 pairs of diapers at the same time.

The Snake Girl: She's Alive! Spidergirl

I would love to see a fight between snake girl and Spider girl. I bet the explorer in the bottom corner with the knife can take them both.

Wild Woman! She's Alive!

Wild Woman. She's born alive too.

2 Headed Snake

2 headed snake. Here Today. Gone Tomorrow. Born Alive. Alive 4 years.

Nine of the animals at the Freak Show.

These are all of the creatures that either weren't cool enough to get their own full color poster, or the painter got lazy. I'm going to guess what these are:
Ziggy the 8-legged piggy
Tiny Tina the worlds smallest horse
Bimbo the blue elephant
Cyclops the one-eyed pig
4 by 4 the four-horned ram
spot the 8 legged dog
meow the Siamese cat not worthy of two names
tatou the low-to-the-ground dog
Oink & Boink the two-headed pig

This isn't a freak animal, just something else at the fair: the long-eared rabbit.
Long-eared rabbit

*****

What I am talking about now is a continuation of something I spoke about a couple of posts back, specifically the part about our Air Conditioner. I recommend you read that first and then come back. I'll wait.

Mental Exercise. Fill in the blank: "Heil ______ "

When we got back from that vacation, the Air conditioner was broken, specifically the conditioner part. The repairmen came and patched it up and it worked great.
For a week.
But it broke again.
This time, the part of the air conditioner that broke was the air. The stationary air was quite conditioned, it just wasn't moving through the vents at all.

We knew our unit was very old and we were intending on replacing it once we sell our other house and stop paying two mortgages. did I mention we have no money? But the unit broke again. Apparently some of the coils froze, whatever that means. The repairman also pointed out that if something rusts too far, then we could risk Carbon Monoxide being in the house. Not cool. I really, really did not want to incur another debt during this dual mortgage payment time of our lives. On the other hand, I couldn't convince my wife to risk death to save a couple of dollars.

Our broken unit was made by Heil. They might make a quality product. I don't know. But since this one was old, I couldn't resist but hate it. I don't know where the name Heil comes from. When I think of Heil, only one thing comes to mind, and that it "Heil Hitler." (This is the answer I was looking for from the mental exercise a couple of paragraphs back.) Generally speaking, when you name your company, it's a good idea that the company name doesn't evoke feelings of the most evil man of the 20th Century.

You want a name like Trane. Nothing can stop a Trane. Except Superman. How cute. The Trane engine will just be chugging along all night long pumping cool air into our house. you might get the Little Trane Engine that Could. (I think I can! I think I can! Chugga-chugga-chug.)

The repairman said that the best brand of Air Conditioning Units are made by Amana. By some miracle, that's the brand of AC Units that his company installs! Isn't that a convenience! We haggled over the price for a bit. The conversation went like this:
"We don't want to die from Carbon Monoxide! Please help us! Please!"
"Ok."

I have heard of Amana before. Their full name is "Amana Plana Canal Panama." They have an effective advertising campaign. "Amana lasts...and lasts...and lasts." They were also a sponsor on the Texas Rangers baseball radio broadcasts. I like the way that Rangers broadcaster Victor Rojas tells it. "Amana lasts...<dramatic pause>...and lasts...<dramatic pause while we miss a single up the middle past a diving shortstop unless Vincente Padilla was pitching in which case he would still be staring at the batter>...and lasts. Hopefully this unit will last long enough to outlast us at this house. I just hope we can pay for it.

UPDATE 10/06:

Visit beautiful, scenic Antioch. In fact, you can live in beautiful, scenic Antioch!

Our house is now finally on the market. I bet you really, really want this house, too. Here it is.

Our broken car was taken away today also. This is the fifth car that I've had than ended up being scrapped or nearly scrapped. Two of the first four had to be towed from our driveway. I've always heard that an old broken down car can be sold for it's value in scrap metal, which is great and everything, but for the small problem that I don't own a tow truck.

Our Plymouth Caravelle needed to be hauled off about a year ago. I couldn't find anyone to pay for it, but I looked online for one of those Donate-your-lame-car-to-charity-for-the-children.org. I found one charity that would even give me a coupon to something for my car. Yipee! But they never showed up. Then an annoyed neighbor called city codes on us for leaving a junk car in our yard. The deadline to get it removed was fast approaching and I found a guy who would take it for free. I was up against the clock and it was my best option

This time I had more time. Thanks to Craigslist, I could sell my car to the highest bidder. There were three listings for people who would buy and tow a junk car. It's these guys:

Meet Billy's Storm Window Installation and Junk Car Removal Service. The father and son redneck team put their van in the street and their flatbed trailer downhill from my car. The put the Buick in neutral and let gravity get the car halfway up the ramp. The winch did the rest. The one cable used to hold the car in place was tightened as tight as it could be, smashing the trunk and rook in the process. The Hispanic gentleman across the street considered this entertainment.

With my cash, I went and paid my electric bill, which was extraordinarily high because of the inefficient air conditioner that was just replaced.

*****

While I'm not talking about video games, I'd like to say I can't wait for Halo 4 to come out. That game is going to be Sooooooooo So Awesomely Awesome. I'm waiting in line already.

*****
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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I have a lot to catch up on, on your blog with what is going on in y'alls life!! I liked your old house...you will have to post a new picture of your new house!
Sara Jo

10:23 PM  

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