Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Trying to appeal to the highest common denominator. I can't give you 110% effort, but I will give you 107.4% effort. If you're a spammer and leave me a comment, I will make fun of you. I use twice as many semicolons compared to most other bloggers

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Location: Smyrna, Tennessee, United States

As the title implies, I am Brent K. Moore. I married MariLynn Simons on Sept. 25, 1999. we attend Stewart's Creek Church of Christ. We have five pets, a dachshund, Slinkie, a malamute, Juno, and three rabbits, Ebunny and Ifurry, and now Houdini.

Monday, August 27, 2007

I met Yoda over the weekend

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My wife is learning martial arts, and last weekend, her school and others from the area had a banquet. After the banquet, some of the people there gave demonstrations of their art.

There was an old man there, who must have been a master, or a 10th-level black sash or something, who had the respect of everyone else. He is a frail old man, he had trouble standing, didn't talk very loud and could only walk with the assistance of his wife. I happened to go to the bathroom while he was in there and he was unable to close the stall door after trying for a few minutes.

Yet, if he had too, he could kill me and everyone else who's reading this blog.

On TV, you may have seen the demonstrations where the kung fu guy breaks several blocks of wood with his fist. This man had some of his prize students with him. One of these prize students broke four blocks of wood with his hand. The next demonstration was called "Cotton Stomach" which involved another student just standing there while the guy who just broke the blocks punches him in the gut. The punch to the gut happened. The student who was just standing there was still standing there like nothing had happened and the student that punched him recoiled in pain, stumbled a few steps backwards and fell to the ground, looking like the wind was knocked out of him.

A similar demonstration happened with the old man, except he had his back turned to his other student who hit him in the back of the shoulder, once again only to stumble backwards and fall in pain.

I forget all the Chinese names of all this stuff, but they have one secret skill that will kill people. (not demonstrated.) A recent big-budget film ended using this killing method. (movie title not given so as to not give away a spoiler. If you want to know the movie, read my first comment on this blog.) All the move does is have one person touch the other in 5 different precise places, and several seconds later the person dies of a heart attack.

*****

Here's a joke I wrote 15 years ago, but I recently discovered it as I was unpacking old boxes...

Did you hear about the autobiography about the guy who was an engineer who designed stadiums, only to lose his job, but ended up getting a better job doing something else?
It's called "No More Tiers"

*****

New T-Shirt added to our store.

FRONT:


BACK:


This T-shirt is made from 100% cotton with other ingredients. colors available are black and midnight gray. Sizes are L, M, S, XS and 2XS. The cost is $28.95 plus tax and shipping & handling & post & parcel. They're really hot when they come off the press, so we charge an extra dollar for handling. They're available on our online store, or you can visit our recently expanded gift shop, located inconveniently downtown at the corner of 4th and Broad.

5 Comments:

Blogger BrentKMoore said...

The movie that uses the five-touch instant heart attack is Kill Bill Vol.2

2:46 PM  
Blogger MatthewWilliams said...

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4:07 PM  
Blogger BrentKMoore said...

He pulled the creature to the side of the road, disguised it http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/1185021709/ as well as he could and got back into the truck. Despite her questions, http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/693726914/ he did little talking during the trip. After dropping her off he went home and drank the better part of a bottle of whiskey http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/443375663/ hoping it would calm him and put him to sleep http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/441110329/ quickly after the harrowing experience. But try as he might, sleep evaded him. The solution http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/385286616/ to his restlessness seemed to be to return to Sugar Flat Road http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/378937797/ and find out exactly what it was he hit. He dressed quickly and drove off http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/313843094/ into the late night early morning sky. As he neared the site http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/298538806/ of the accident he drove by slowly looking for the body he'd moved to the side of the road earlier. He backed his truck http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/292097379/ into the tree line in front of a small building http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/256698046/ that for many years had been used as a voting place. Now, in the quiet of the dawn he inspected http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/253125367/ the creature again. It wasn't a man. Of that he was sure. But what was it? With a shudder http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/220832349/ he took a shovel from the back of his truck intent on burying the thing deep http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/213833687/ in the ground and forgetting this night had ever happened. But as he dug into the soft http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/213833418/ earth, he began to reason that since the creature wasn't a man it was obviously an animal.http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/187108398/ And he should have a trophy. When the hole had been dug he deftly severed http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/169208012/ the creature's head with the point of the shovel, scooped it up and tossed it into the bed of the pickup. He kicked http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/144460855/ the thing's body into the hole, covered it http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/132252429/ with dirt and drove into town to a taxidermist's shop. The taxidermist shook http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/101527995/ his head in disbelief when he saw the creature's head, but despite http://www.flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/88526828/ never having seen anything like it before he agreed to preserve it.

9:19 PM  
Blogger BrentKMoore said...

I posted the above comments on Matthewwilliams blog, since he posted gibberish on my blog. I'm not sure when he'll delete it. or maybe he was just phished. See it here.

9:25 PM  

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