Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Trying to appeal to the highest common denominator. I can't give you 110% effort, but I will give you 107.4% effort. If you're a spammer and leave me a comment, I will make fun of you. I use twice as many semicolons compared to most other bloggers

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Location: Smyrna, Tennessee, United States

As the title implies, I am Brent K. Moore. I married MariLynn Simons on Sept. 25, 1999. we attend Stewart's Creek Church of Christ. We have five pets, a dachshund, Slinkie, a malamute, Juno, and three rabbits, Ebunny and Ifurry, and now Houdini.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Due to the Nature of Olives

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Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and for dinner, I bought a Food Lion store brand self-rising supreme pizza.  As I went to take it out of the box and place it in the oven, I saw this ominous warning:

Due to the nature of olives, product may contain olive pits.

Huh?  The first thing that came to mind was when you buy certain products, like peanut butter, and it says "May contain peanuts."  I can understand why they do that.  If you've got a peanut allergy, it's very important to know.  Does anyone out there have an olive pit allergy?  A quick google search seems to say no.  Or maybe olive pits would kill us all, and that goes without saying, except nobody said it to me. (I hear apple seeds are deadly!)

So, I went and found a bottle of olives.  Does that bottle have this warning?

No.

but, of course they remove the pits with those red pimento things.

I looked in the pantry and we have a couple of bottles of Olive Oil.  Any warning?

No.

It must be a food lion thing.  Maybe that's what you get by buying generic.  You might save 75 cents over the cost of Red Baron, but you're taking a gamble there could be an olive pit on there! Harmful if swallowed! Seek medical attention immediately.

What do you want on your Tombstone?
Olive pits?  Sorry, no.

I googled the phrase "Due to the Nature of Olives" and got no results.  So that means a couple of days from now, when the next person googles that term, they'll find this blog. *waves*

I feel like starting sentences with that phrase, just for the fun of it:

Due to the nature of olives, I bought a discounted fruitcake and a Goya Champagne Cola.

Here's one my sister-in-law Sherry told me:

Due to the Nature of Olives, the economy is in the pits!

I am forced to believe that this product warning is the result of a class action lawsuit.

Due to the nature of lawyers and olives, the uniformed public must be warned about the hazards of supreme pizza! (but not the hazards of, lets say, choking on a meat-wad or eating nothing but pizza will make you fat.)

On Law & Order, I'd love to hear Sam Waterson argue a motion before a judge, "In People V. Food Lion Pizza,..."

Due to the finite nature of olives, I can't think of anything else to say.
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5 Comments:

Anonymous Andy said...

What, not PICTURE of an Olive...I thought you were a serious photographer. You got a issue, document with a photo.

4:11 PM  
Blogger Joey said...

the warning is there because olive pits are hard as rocks, and sure as the worlf if they don't have the warning then some numbnut is going to chomp on one, bust a tooth, and sue food lion for damages.

9:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are now (2) google hits for "Due to the nature of olives"......they are both listed on the "brenternet"

Scott

3:07 AM  
Blogger BrentKMoore said...

I'm glad that I could make progress!

3:40 AM  
Blogger Bo Lumpkin said...

Due to the nature of olives I am feeling a little green. I personally don't like olives but I like your blog

8:49 AM  

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