Brenternet (The World as seen by Brent Moore)

Brent's 2011 Self-aggrandizement Photography post

2012-01-02T10:06:00.000-06:00

I am in my heart a number cruncher. At the start of every new year, I like to take a look back and see where I've been, what I've done and more recently how many people have checked me or my photos out. If nothing else, I can be very prolific. I have 1 flickr account, a picasa account, 2 twitter accounts, 3 facebook profiles, 2 websites, 2 myspace profiles and 4 blogs. It sounds like a lot but some of it I never touch anymore.

I am writing this for myself, mostly for posterity sake. If you find it interesting, feel free to keep on reading. Or, maybe you'd like to skip on down to my favorite 20 photos of 2011. I also did this in 2010 and 2008.

In 2011, I took about 21,800 photos. I've tried to be more precise in the past, but with MariLynn using the cameras even more these days, it's tougher to keep track. It's still more than in years past, but not that much more. (especially when you consider how many I wasted at the Smyrna Air show.)

Most of my publishing-worthy photos are uploaded to flickr. I now have a total of 6,556 of which 1,103 were uploaded in 2011. These photos have been viewed collectively 1,671,504 times with about 475,000 views in 2011.

flickr has a term called interestingness where they use a secret formula to determine what my most interesting photo is. My top photo from 2011 is like last year an old motel neon sign. This year, it's the old Blue Jay Motel neon sign outside of Roanoke, VA. A couple of months later, the owners took out all the old neon tubing and gave the sign a fresh coat of paint. Their update either cleaned up an eyesore or took away everything that made it great, depending on your perspective.

The most viewed photo of 2011? This Ronald Reagan Mural in Cookeville:

Last year was the first year of my website, SeeMidTN.com. I suppose I should have run the stats to see where I was at, but I was a little disheartened as the hit counter revealed about 1 hit a day. This year was a little better going straight by the hit counter, But apparently a lot of people are finding content on my website via google searches and not seeing the home page. My webhost's stats show last year I had 4498 visitors who made 9906 visits viewing a total of 57426 pages or photos. There were visitors from 75 different countries, so hello to one person in Suriname. My desire is for the website to grow exponentially, and the more content that gets added, the more visits I should get every year. The goal is for the ads on the site to start paying off someday as well as the increased exposure causing me to be the first person found when looking for a stock photo of a specific place. I set up a facebook account which has 22 fans and a twitter feed with 11 subscribers. These were set up as a set-it-and-forget-it tools that repost my other content.

The highlight of my website is the daily blog. After two years, the hit counter says I've had 13,947 visitors. While I don't have the specific number, over 10,000 of those were in 2011, so it has grown exponentially. Blogger reports I had over 29,000 page views in 2 years.

I also have a youtube channel. Most of my good content is recordings of my dad's early music groups. All-time, I have 378,448 views with 94,927 in 2011. The most popular video has always been "What a Friend we have in Jesus" which was recorded in a 2007 reunion concert of 70's chorale students. That video had 4,772 views in 2011, or 35,591 views all-time.

My top 20 photos of 2011:

There are several reasons why I might include a photo here. Some of it has to do with it being important to me while not looking like it should be on a post like this to a casual observer, some of these are my favorite composed shots of my favorite subjects. Some of these are interesting effects while overcoming challenges to get a usable photo. Here we go:

Up until the end of 2010, I had been using point-and-shoot cameras. They may have been the best full-featured point-and-shoot cameras on the market while I was pushing them to their limit, but they were still point-and-shoots. There are some snobby photographers out there who wouldn't be caught dead with a P&S, or some try to be realists and say you just can't make money with one. While I had proven that last part to not be true, if I was going to improve myself, it wasn't going to be until I got a "real" camera, even if it was one 6 years old.

So I got one a good one. At first, it was proving to be difficult. No longer could I let the camera do all the work - I had to make decisions. Gone were some point-and-shoot conveniences. For a bit, I was starting to wonder if I had made a mistake - if I should have stayed with easy. And then I took this picture.

This might be the least interesting photo on the whole list. However, it became a turning point. I had taken a photo that wasn't possible with the P&S camera. While there is more that could go wrong when you have more to figure out on your own, when you do things right, you get a better picture. There was no looking back.

The air show came to town this year. As part of their precision routine, the Thunderbirds get so close, they look like they are touching. My brother did me a huge favor by saving me the best general admission seat in the house. He also saved three seats for guys who live for airplane photography. Those three brought maybe $20,000 worth of camera equipment, making my $240 camera body and $90 lens feel inadequate. I won't win any awards, but I still like the results.

Cheekwood trains! My mom is a huge fan of Cheekwood and gets a yearly pass and adds my name to it. Try as I might, I'm not really good with flowers, so there's not much reason to keep going back to the botanical gardens. However, this year they had this great exhibit for kids of all ages. It had model trains and it had replicas of significant Tennessee locations made out of sticks and twigs. Right up my alley.

This is the old Ashe county courthouse in Jefferson, NC. While it might not be the best view of this majestic old building, it's another where I felt my new camera opens my possibilities so much more, with the vibrant colors and the sharp detail.

In honor of memorial day, a civic organization in Murfreesboro fills a field with rows and rows of flags. This one proved to be really popular with my friends.

Taken the same day as the last one, I had to get scruntch myself on the ground to get this one to line up the way I wanted. When I got home, I loved it, the way the color pops and the detail. Again, it made me glad I go with an DSLR now. This might be my personal favorite on the year!

I was walking along the streets of Pulaski, VA when I came across the oldest church building in town. I love the blue sky, the red door and the green grass. The open gate gives the place a "come right on in" feel.

I had visited the train museum in Lynnville, TN three years earlier. One of my online photographer friends had just been here and posted a great photo. I got home and looked at my photos realizing nothing worked. (when that happens, it really sticks in my craw, constantly reminding me how I have unfinished business until I can go back.) This day was beautiful. I pulled up and a volunteer was repainting the caboose. I had as much time as I wanted to set up the shot just the way I wanted. Then, all I had to do was wait for a gust of wind to straighten out the flag in the background.

I love old coke murals painted on old buildings. This one's located right along the built-up-with-stone bank of the river.

Taken during the July 4th weekend, this location was about as far away from home as I had ever traveled on a one day trip. It's quite an obscure spot in the Big South Fork Wilderness where the railroad had built a bridge nearly 100 years ago. The tracks are long since gone, but the state has preserved the bridge and the area as a recreation spot. At the same time, it's an everything that can go wrong did type of day.

It was a hot summer day and I had the AC on full blast in my car. The road to this place is a gravel / dirt road where the tracks used to be. Even though it was only 7 miles from civilization, it felt like it took forever to get here. Have you ever been in a cool car on a muggy day for so long that when you get out of the car your eyeglasses fog up? Now imagine that happening to your favorite camera - the one with the detachable lens and all those pieces of glass on the inside. You can wipe off the one on the outside, but you can't get to the others. So I waited 30 minutes. It didn't get any better. I had my point and shoot in the car and I suppose it's sealed better since you don't take the lens off and I had to use it. But by now, the sun was in the wrong place. It's such a beautiful location. I'm thankful for black and white. (one of the dirty little secrets is you can use black and white to overcome pesky lighting situations.)

Then, I made a wrong turn and got lost on the way home.

I spent the night in Roanoke, VA earlier this year. The town's most famous landmark is the Mill Mountain Star, which is a large neon star placed on top of a small mountain overlooking the city back in the 1940s. I planned my whole day so that I would be here when the evening sky still had a tinge of blue. I later found out the star has almost always been all white, but it was changed to red, white and blue for ten years in memory of 9/11. It is again all white, and will almost always be from now on.

So I bought some underwater camera gear and went out snorkeling. Just kidding, but how often does someone take a picture of the lower life forms at the zoo?

Why, it's a bald eagle! This is one of the images I have for sale with a stock photography agency.

I like old neon! This is a huge neon clock built in 1908 and you can see what time it is across the river in downtown Louisville. I first saw this in downtown Louisville when MariLynn and I took a trip here about 10 years ago. On this day, we had a hotel room about a mile away so I could get up close.

MariLynn once said I have a trademark photo I always take - The statue in the foreground next to the impressive pinnacle or dome of the landmark in the background - arranged in such a way where they are side by side and both in focus. I strayed from my formula when I revisited Pulaski by putting Sam Davis in focus in front of the fuzzy courthouse cupola.

The memorial at the Patsy Cline crash site. Looks like this was taken during the day doesn't it? This was after sundown.

This is my favorite view of my new third favorite courthouse in Tennessee. I have been to 79 of the 95. (The top two by the way are in Pulaski and Clarksville.)

The older I get, the more I enjoy seeing trains. I happened to be right there on foot when this Grand Trunk & Western paired with an Illinois Central crossed the street.

For those of you that went to David Lipscomb campus school, you probably saw this spot on the trip to Land Between the Lakes. The confederates placed their cannons along the bank of the Cumberland River at the end of a strait stretch. For a long while, no Union boat was able to pass through.

We finish with a Christmas Tradition, the TN State Capitol colored red for Christmas.

The last thing I'd like to mention is my favorite self-portrait, which will grace my Facebook timeline for a while: Me at the Rockabilly Highway mural in Selmer, TN.

Facts about the Brood XIX Cicadas

2011-05-17T11:02:00.000-05:00

By now, if you are living in one of the affected areas, you have likely heard about the Brood XIX Cicadas. You have likely already heard that these miracles of nature have lived underground in a nymph stage for the past 13 years, getting their sustenance from the xylem of trees, tunneled to the surface, molted from their shell, and then started flying around like nuts. In this article, several facts about these creatures will be presented. The original article title was going to be "Fun Facts about Cicadas" but I can assure you, there's nothing fun about them.

• Periodical cicadas are found only in the United States east of the Great Plains.

• The transparent wings of cicadas are said to filter out ultraviolet light. People who have placed a cicada wing on their skin prior to exposure to the sun have noticed that they do not tan under the wing.

• Females lay 400 to 600 eggs in as many as 40 to 50 different nests before they die.

• It would take 175 Million Cicadas laid end to end to reach from Miami to Seattle. You likely have that many in your front yard.

• If your Astrological Sign is Taurus, you have that in common with cicadas.

• Some scientists believe Cicadas caused the dinosaurs to go extinct.

• For a period of three weeks, the cicada economy is the 12th largest GDP in the world.

• It's not a good idea to think about cicadas while eating onion rings.

• The breed of cicadas that live in Hell come out every year.

• When taking a photo of a cicada, be sure to use the built in "Red Eye Reducer" feature available on most current models of digital camera.

• Waldo is hiding from cicadas.

• How many cicadas does it take to change a light bulb? If you have a jocular punchline to this, please send your answer to editor@broodxixcicadafacts.info and your answer might appear in print.

• There's not someone using a weed eater outside your bedroom window. That's the cicada mating call deafening you.

• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Cicadas out. It failed miserably.

• The cicadas are specifically timed to come up out of the ground at about the same time you'd want to start swimming in your outdoor pool.

• <-- This dot represents a cicada eyeball.

Valentine's Day in Nature

2011-02-13T16:24:00.000-06:00

I spent $4.19 and I saved...

2011-01-21T17:22:00.002-06:00

Extreme couponing has been going well for several of my friends. Many of them are people I go to church with, because we had an Extreme Couponing seminar about a year ago. As if they're adding a trophy to their mantle, my friends will post on facebook how they spent $48 at Publix and got $120 worth of food. I think that is awesome for them.

Unfortunately, I'm not that coordinated. I suppose I could be that coordinated but I don't think I have the time to cut and organize coupons and stack them with the store coupons while waiting for the items to go on sale.

That's not going to stop me from having a little bit of fun. Today, I spent $4.19 at Big Lots and saved... How on Earth can you figure what you saved at Big Lots?

To begin with, I had a gift card from a friend, so the $4.19 was really everything not covered by that gift card.

Next, they still have a bunch of Christmas stuff leftover at 90% off. Yee-Haw. This is $25 worth of stuff for $2.50

Starting in the front and working backwards, there's...

1) a pound of Bratapfel-Stollen, which according to the footnote is Traditional German Baked Apple Fruitcake with 10% Almond Paste Filling. Almond paste almost sounds like food.
2) Festoso Panettone Italian Specialty Cake. I'd like to try something Specialty flavored.
3) GrandPaws mini P'nut Butter Flavored Dog Cookies. The footnote says it's Made with REAL Peanut Butterr. [sic] I suppose if it's really Peanut Butterr, could they drop the "Flavored" part of the title.
4) 75 years of Elvis Popcorn coin bank canister. I'm not a fan of Elvis. (I do like the song "Suspicious Minds.") I've sorta always wanted one of these, because I need somewhere to put all my pennies, plus it's uber-tacky. I just never wanted to pay $10 for one of these. I suspect when I'm not looking, my wife will throw this away after all the popcorn has been consumed.
5) 90ft. of giftwrap. You never can be too prepared.

Next, as a collector of sodas, I found four I'd never tried before

1) Frostop Orange & Cream. Frostop sounds like a joining of the words Frost and Stop. Huh.
2) Jarritos Tamarind. AKA the Jarritos Flavor I've never heard of before and that scares me a little bit.
3) Boylan Bottleworks Black Cherry. Boylan is good.
4) Red Bull Cola. I'm expecting this to taste terrible and give me wings. We shall see.

Everything else (or Real food.)

1) Oh, oh, spagetthi-o's
2) Wolf Brand Chili. (not actually made with wolf meat.)
3) Salsa
4) Brent & MariLynn brand baked beans
5) Progresso Minestrone
6) Sunny D acceptable alternative to Orange juice.
7) Hormel gooey dinner in a bag
8) Apple juice. (Some apples were harmed in the making of this blog post.)

Look out, I'm about to Wax Poetic about soda.

2011-01-17T05:30:00.002-06:00

The Country Mountain Dew and the City Mountain Dew

The City Mountain Dew was purchased among the hustle and bustle while walking downtown Knoxville.
The Country Mountain Dew was purchased at Davis Gen. Mdse. during a leisurely drive through rural Williamson County, TN.

The City Mountain Dew comes in a sleek 12oz. longneck and should be enjoyed at a frenzied pace.
The Country Mountain Dew comes in a short and pudgy 10oz. bottle and should be enjoyed on a relaxing afternoon.

The City Mountain Dew has the latest MD logo painted directly on the bottle.
The Country Mountain Dew has the logo printed on styrofoamy-paper, the way it used to be when I was a child and I'd tear off the label in horizontal strips round and round.

I think I'll drink both of them today.

2010 Photography Year in Review

2011-01-02T13:00:00.001-06:00

Being a Semi-pro photographer, I like to take a moment and reflect on what happened in 2010. As a number cruncher, I also like to look at stats and chart positions and the like. It's fun to remember where I've been as I look forward.

You don't have to keep reading if you don't want. I'm doing this for myself, but if you find this type of thing interesting, feel free to keep reading.

I did one of these in 2008. I didn't do one for 2009 as I spent that time building my photo website.

My last photo of the year was a blurry photo of the Smyrna Gazebo by the train depot on the way home from a new years eve party. (sidenote: the photo is terrible, but I could call it bokeh and someone might think its real art.) The first photo was of MariLynn coming back to the car from Publix with my birthday cake. In between, there were 18,303 other photos, and I can't describe each one. If 18,000 seems like a lot, I'm down from previous years.

Most of my publishing-worthy photos go onto Flickr. I now have 5,453 online there. 1,147 were uploaded this year. All-time, they have all been collectively viewed 1,196,111 times.

Flickr has a term called interestingness where they use a secret formula to determine what the most interesting photo is. My most "interestingness" photo from 2010 is this one of the old neon sign for the Pink Motel in Cherokee, NC

The most viewed photo from 2010? There's something about Coke murals that brings people out

My favorite photos of 2010:

Some of these aren't quite the best photos, but they are the photos I am happiest to have taken in 2010. Click on any photo to enlarge.

Maury County Courthouse at night

I-24 car fire

Shelby Reinhart Bridge 1

Stones River Battlefield: Tree at McFadden Cemetery

Falls Mill

Art of E.T. Wickham: Sam Davis & Bill Marsh

Drive-Thru Waterfall

Louisville City Hall

Louisville City Hall Tower & Jefferson Monument

Clarksville Fountain

Eastern Tiger Swallowtail Butterfly

Old Elkton Bridge

Tawny Frogmouth

2010 TN State Fair: Ferris Wheel

2010 Lincoln Co. Fair Harness Racing

Watauga Lake

Goodbye...Tell Your Friends...

Doc. The L&N LeprechauN

Tennessee's 2010 Christmas Tree at the State Capitol

A Lynchburg Christmas 1: at Night

Other 2010 notes: This is the first year I've had photos appear on TV, appearing localy on WSMV and WZTV, and Nationally on CBS. In print I had a photo appear in the Tennesseean.

Finally, this is my favorite Self-Portrait:

The True Meaning of Black Friday.

2010-11-26T22:54:00.003-06:00

As I have a chance to sit back and reflect on the Day After Black Friday, I have come to the conclusion that we Americans have forgotten to the true meaning of Black Friday.

On the day before Black Friday, you see the biggest newspaper of the year which is literally littered with hundreds of ads talking about all the sales that will take place so early in the morning. Families sit around the dining table at home planning their bargain hunting strategies. Shoppers line up outside the stores hours before they open, wanting to be the first in line in front of hundreds of others.

When I was young, I remember Black Friday the way it used to be. Oh wait, all the stuff I mentioned above IS the way Black Friday is supposed to be. Never mind. I guess the True Meaning of Black Friday has been realized.

P.S. One final fun fact: While often (but not always) Black Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year, many retailers make more money on the Saturday before Christmas. On Black Friday shoppers are looking for bargains. On "Super Saturday," the shoppers are looking out of desperation.

Black Friday ads from history: 1909 Sears & Roebuck

2010-11-23T12:39:00.002-06:00

Approved business names

2010-11-16T14:22:00.005-06:00

Here are some businesses I've seen recently where I like their names.

Now, only as long as you have a round table to set the lamp on.
(Athens, TN)

A bus is too large. They need something smaller, like a Vangelis.
(Knoxville, TN)

Gonna make you sweat? I took this photo 2 years ago and I still haven't thought up a good pun, so I give up.
(Pulaski, TN)

*****************************************************************

One more thing to look at today...

I wonder if the pink flamingos will scare away more people than it will help bring in.

Faint Praise for a Hotel

2010-09-11T18:23:00.003-05:00

So I was in the process of picking a hotel to stay at for a couple of nights during an upcoming vacation. On one hotel's website, this was listed under the amenities:

That's perfect! instead of just chilling at the indoor pool all day, I can wake up early in the morning, drive 400 miles to the ocean just in time to turn around and make it back for bedtime.

to their credit, they were modest and didn't list all available swimming options. It's only 575 miles to Panama City Beach.

The Bucket List

2010-08-23T12:39:00.000-05:00

When the bucket goes on vacation, it can visit the worlds largest cedar bucket in Murfreesboro, TN

What else should be on the list?

More things I find amusing.

2010-07-19T11:20:00.000-05:00

Chik-Fil-A has interesting billboards where it looks like cows are painting slogans extolling the virtues of Poultrycide. These cows have a good reason to be wary of what they see over their shoulder.

Someone forgot to publish how big both of the jackpots were going to be. That's ok, you weren't going to win anyway.

Mr. Petty shall not be moved.

This was a road side on the interstate through the mountains of North Carolina. It makes me wonder what the purpose of it is. Has there been a crash that took them so long to clean up that they had time to put up a roadsign?

I saw this sign at a public school in Kingston Springs, TN. I bet this is most every child's biggest fantasy.

Guess where I found this...

In a building labelled as a post office.

At first, I was going to say here that I feel sorry for anyone who couldn't afford anything better than Shoney's for their wedding reception. But that's not the route I want to take. I can just foresee a bunch of couples that actually had Shoney's cater their nuptials come to this blog post and start crying because I've just reminded them how lousy their life has been. I want to look at it in a more positive light.

Just think about how awesome it would be to have some of their strawberry pie at the reception. My wife could eat those every day of her life and be happy.

The dessert buffet could have some of that banana slices in strawberry jello.

The flower girl could hand out Shoney's Lollipops

Best of all, Shoney Bear could be the reception DJ.

*****

I'm going to finish off with something that isn't necessarily funny, but we're going to be going the route of one of those Wild Nature tv shows.

Apparently, Dragonflies, when mating, make a heart shape out of thier bodies. How romantic.

Surviving Pigeon Forge Addendum

2010-07-17T10:57:00.000-05:00

Recently, I passed through Gatlinburg. You may have seen My Previous Post detailing some of the nutty things seen in the area. If you haven't read that, now would be a good time. Think of these next few pictures as an addendum.

YOU! YES YOU! Pull over and spend all your money here!

--------

Vacationers to the area sure like their pancakes, don't they. Here's a few of the offerings:

Here's a couple that stood out to me:

45 types of Breakfast? If I thought about it long and hard, I could come up with maybe 20 types of breakfast.

This is my favorite. Look at that nice warm butter as it slowly drips down the sides of the pancakes. Mmmmmmm.

OK, don't look that close to the butter.

Wouldn't it be funny if the restaurant with crummiest sign was the one that had the best food?

Little known fact... George Washington and the continental troops after the Battle of White Marsh went through Pigeon Forge.

Look at all the fun those people are having. It's actually not that possible to have this much fun at Mr. Gatti's.

OK, now what?

A tragic accident happened today at the Roller Rink when a lady was skating at unsafe speeds, and then jumped over the guard rail and smacked into the side of the building.

If this is the Fleet Maintenance department, shouldn't they have an automobile engine or other car part on top of the anvil?

Uh, No thanks.

The Apple Barn has a mascot. His name is Apple Barney

This is my form of civil disobedience.

OH WOW

THEY WENT OUT OF BUSINESS

42185

Is it too much to expect more from Google

2010-05-08T21:27:00.003-05:00

While using their Chrome web browser, my internet service went offline for just about a minute when I was trying to go to Google and look something up. Here is the error screen I got.

(click to enlarge)

The economy is so bad right now....

2010-04-14T14:20:00.002-05:00

The economy is so bad right now....

at a streetcorner in Franklin, there's a guy selling sticks out of the back of his truck.

At least they are nice sticks.

How to have fun with the U.S. Census.

2010-04-02T09:06:00.000-05:00

To paraphrase Paul Revere, "The census is Coming! The Census is Coming!"

But, you already knew that.

You already knew that because the government felt it behooved them to spend approximately the GPD of Greece letting you know it was coming. They bought a radio commercial telling you to tune in to the TV spot reminding you to check you mailbox for the letter advising another letter was scorching its way to your mailbox.

Obviously, the point of the census it to enumerate the population. However, those scaremongering advertisements remind you that if you don't accurately answer the census, there won't be enough teachers in our schools or buses on our streets. Of course, since it's the government, they can't discern there's not enough teachers when class sizes reach about 50 or there are too few buses when passengers have to ride on the roof. Of course, the government could have used all of their census ad budget to fix these problems, or, if nothing else, could have built another Olympic sized swimming pool for a failing Kansas City school.

When the census was first established in the Constitution, the purpose was to determine how many congressmen each state should have. Luckily, this purpose gives us the first method to screw with the government. If you generally like the politicians that get elected to Congress from your state, get all your friends to say 37 people live in your house. Then, call your friends in states where the politicians have royally messed things up (for instance, New Jersey) and tell them to answer that nobody lives in the house. That would be believable if you were in Detroit.

Of course, the problem comes with the rest of the questions found on the census form combined with most peoples genuine distrust for the government. Deep down, I suspect every president since Andrew Jackson used the results of additional questions for their own political gain, but even during the last census, you really only heard from the ready-to-form-a-militia types who were only going to answer question 1. These days, even the typical housewife is getting into the act by refusing to participate.

The census form assumes you are going to answer these questions to the best of your abilities. I propose if you really want to sock it to the government in your own little civil disobedient way, answer the census to the worst of your abilities. Let's look at the questions that your government wants to know.

1. How Many people were living or staying in this house, apartment, or mobile home on April 1, 2010?

Since they're asking about April 1st, can I answer this with an April Fools joke? My wife and typical 2 and a half children live here.

If they're being specific about the type of dwelling, I suppose anyone who lives in a condominium, dog house, mansion, mud hut, back seat of a car, tornado shelter, teepee, or igloo can put down a 0.

2) Were there any additional people staying here April 1, 2010 that you did not include in Question 1?

[] Children, such as newborn babies or foster children

[] Relatives, such as adult children, cousins, or in-laws

[] Nonrelatives, such as roommates or live in baby sitters

[] People staying here temporarily

Well, let's see... The postman, newspaper delivery boy, milkman, Fedex delivery guy and the next door neighbor who need to borrow some nutmeg all stopped by today. You didn't want me to include them in the count?

What gets me is that there are people who weren't going to count their own children, I suppose to try and hide them from the government, and the government was taking another shot at getting them to answer. I believe in the Old Testament, we read of Moses's mother who didn't answer this question before putting him in a basket to sail him down the river.

3) Is this house, apartment or mobile home-

[] Owned by you or someone in the household with a mortgage or loan? Include home equity loans.

[] Owned by you or someone in this household free and clear (without a mortgage or loan)?

[] Rented?

[] Occupied without payment or rent?

Hey government, it's none of your business if I stopped paying on my mortgage a year ago when I realized they'd never get around to foreclosing on me.

Now, I expect the next question to be if am interested in getting a great deal on some furniture.

4) What is your Telephone Number? We may call if we don't understand an answer.

Don't mess this one up. If you're going to lie on everything else, this isn't the question to start telling the truth. Now, President Obama isn't going to call you personally and try to sell you a GM, but someone in a cubicle somewhere is going to keep trying to call you until they get a strait answer. Here are some suggestions:

867-5309

555-1212

202-456-1414

411

Bonus Census tip! If you put fake answers on your census, some dude will be dispatched to your house to try and get answers. They will not ask for your social security number. If someone does ask for that, or your bank account number, your credit card number or your ebay password, they are not from the census bureau. But don't rule out the IRS.

Bonus Census Tip #2! According to law, if you don't answer the census truthfully, you could be looking at a $5,000 fine, although this fine has never been enforced. If a census worker shows up at your house and is looking for you to pay this fine in cash right then, you don't have to.

5) Please provide information for each person living here. Start with a person living here who owns or rents this house, apartment, or mobile home. If the owner or the renter lives somewhere else, start with any adult living here. This will be Person 1.
What is Person 1's name?

The government could have saved a lot of ink here by just asking: What is your name? I would suspect the person who is responsible enough to take care of the living conditions is usually the person who also opens the important looking envelopes.

The real question is how to answer this. I suppose you could actually answer this as "Person 1" and cleverly pretend to be an idiot. I plan to say my name is Brenternet Q. Public.

6) What is person 1's sex?
[] Male
[] Female

I anticipate the government getting a lot of juvenile handwritten answers to this one.

7) What is Person 1's age and what is Person 1's date of birth?

Now this is the question that will offend more people than the "Do you own or rent your house" question. I suppose a lot of older men will answer 39. As for the birthday, I was born on January 1, which is good because that's the answer that automatically pops up on internet forms and I don't have to select anything, but bad because the form assumes you're lying.

NOTE: Please answer BOTH Question 8 about Hispanic origin and Question 9 about race. For this census, Hispanic origins are not race.

Huh? So if you ARE Hispanic, you're supposed to specifically answer what type of Hispanic person you are in Question 8 and then pick something non-hispanic in Question 9? I'd like to know how Hispanic people have been answering this?

8) Is Person 1 of Hispanic, Latino or Spanish origin?
[] No
[] Yes, Mexican, Mexican Am., Chicano
[] Yes, Puerto Rican
[] Yes, Cuban
[] Yes, another Hispanic, Latino, or Spanish origin - Print origin, for example, Argentinean, Colombian, Dominican, Nicaraguan, Salvadorian, Spaniard, and so on.

I wonder how many people have answered this "And so on." Right now, there are people from obscure Hispanic or Spanish origin who are miffed because their nationality isn't listed. There's a Basque guy out there somewhere saying, "Dude, they always forget about us."

9) What is person 1's race? Mark one or more boxes.
[] White
[] Black, African Am., Negro
(let me pause for just a moment. People still use the term Negro outside of Senator Harry Reid? The first option then should also say White, Caucasian, Cracker )
[] American Indian or Alaska Native
[] Asian Indian
[] Chinese
[] Filipino
[] Japanese
[] Korean
[] Vietnamese
[] Native Hawaiian
[] Guamanian or Chamorro (Chamorro is not recognized by my spell checker)
[] Samoan
[] Other Asian for example Hmong, Laotian, Thai, Pakastani, Cambodian, and so on
[] Other Pacific Islander, for example, Fijian, Tongan, and so on.
[] Some other Race - Print race.

Right now, there's a Transdniestrian who is upset because his race wasn't listed.

I think the #1 response to the Other is Hispanic. If you're really looking to have fun with your answers, here's where to do it. Rush Limbaugh suggested people answer this as "American"

Bad Answers: Jedi, Vulcan, Klingon

These are obviously fake. If you're going to use something from Star Trek, use something a little more obscure like Andorian, Cardassian, Ocampan

Other non Star Trek options: Liliputian, Hutt, V for Visitors, Minotaur, Homo Erectus, Minbari. Have fun. Be creative.

10) Does Person 1 sometimes live or stay somewhere else?
[] No.
[] Yes - Mark all that apply
[] In College housing
[] In the military
[] At a seasonal or second residence
[] For Child custody
[] in jail or prison
[] in a nursing home
[] For another reason

What are some good other reasons? Witness protection program, Living off the land, Living off the grid. This does make me wonder how many people on and off live in Jail seasonally.

My final piece of advice is to use a #2 pencil. The instructions clearly say use a blue or black pen. (a red pen would make the census worker feel bad.) Many times over the years, especially when I was in college, I used a freshly sharpened #2 pencil for standardized forms, and this is a standardized form if I've ever seen one. If everyone used a pencil, (or better yet a fountain pen with no formal training), all of the census workers who have to make heads or tails out of what you put will keep their jobs until the next census.

40759

Nephraim's Box part 3

2010-01-21T10:00:00.002-06:00

If you haven't done so yet, read part 1
and then part 2.

Darp made more and more trips into the various worlds that the Nephraim’s box had to offer. Unlike his earliest experiences, not all of his trips were unpleasant. In fact, most were wonderful.

After his first three journeys, he noticed that something from the other side had come with him: A walnut, some mercury and the silver ornament. Part of the fun from this box, in his mind, was making a game out of this. In every destination, he decided to take one item and add it to his collection. From his next ten trips, he was able to acquire: a blue apple, a pyramid-shaped egg, a used shell from a nuclear fishtank warhead, a six-inch long fossil, digital socks, a matchbook from Buckingham Palace, a dinosaur bone, a smurf, a piece of the Great Wall of China, and an ordinary rock. When he got the rock, he was on a planet made entirely of gravel; he didn’t have much to choose from.

Much time had passed. Darp was enjoying this box so much that he started to shirk from his daily responsibilities. It started with his job. First, he couldn’t wait to get off work daily so he could travel somewhere new. Then, he didn’t want to go to work at all and he used up his vacation time. Next, he used up his sick leave. Finally, he didn’t bother to call in at all. When he was fired from his job, he didn’t even notice, nor would he have cared.

* * *

Nephraim hasn’t bothered to visit the future for a couple of months. He finds the current society a much more pleasant place to live. It just so happens that the future doesn’t want him either.

When Nephraim sold the TRS-80 to the eccentric multizillionaire Maxim Marsh, there was only one other known TRS-80 in existence. That remaining awful machine was, of course, at a public library. At the library, computer rights activists broke in to steal it and set it free. In the wild, the TRS-80 will not survive very long living on nuts and wild berries; it had a sheltered life and does not know how to fend for itself among the world of super-mega-corporite-computers. In the furure, robbing a library constitues a felony, even if you only want to put a computer out of its misery. The computer rights activists avoided getting caught. Instead, the cops visited the eccentric multizillionaire Maxim Marsh. Mr. Marsh truthfully told the cops that his computer was purchased from Nephraim.

Instantly, Nephraim became a wanted criminal. Nephraim does not find out because he doesn’t go to the future anymore. By now, that is good thing. Why bother? He is living in the 80’s listening to the Bangles and he still has his own box.

* * *

Mr. Darp did devise a temporary money-making scheme. It just so happened that the box appeared 20 seconds in the past. He hopped into his box and was still inside of his room, now seeing himself getting into the box. For a breif period of time, he was in two places at once. He exchanged pleasantries with himself as his other self stepped into the box.

Then, Darp remembered he had a fifty-dollar bill in his pocket. He stepped through the box again and saw his old self again. This time, he gave his old self the fifty dollars. Of course, the old self still had a fifty in his pocket, giving him one-hundred dollars. The self with the one-hundred dollars went through the box and handed the money to another old self, who had fifty dollars in his pocket. Now, the current old self had one hundred and fifty dollars, which became two-hundred, which became two-fifty. Each time he passed money through the loop, he became fifty dollars richer. By the time he quit, the only thing he remembered was being given two thousand dollars going into the loop. The only disadvantage was that all the fifty’s had matching serial numbers. He had to spend each one at a different location. To this day, having 40 different non-counterfeit bills with the same serial number baffles the US Department of Treasury. This is the joy of temporal paradoxes!

* * *

It is now present day. Nephraim woke up this morning and did what he has done for the past 1,348 mornings: turned on the television and watched a stupid television program. This was entirely possible because he had access to a satellite dish. This morning, he witnessed, “Spencer Euglena - Microbe Cop. It’s one full hour of Deoxi-Ribonucleic Action!” However, this program was better than yesterday’s selection “Nanny Noodle’s Nature and Noise.”

These television shows provide another reason why Nephraim hates life. Music wasn’t good anymore. The technology was very antiquated. He was a fugitive from his own time. He had no friends, even though he had money. Using his box to travel to new places got old.

He sold his smaller twenty-inch box to Freidman’s Theoretical Physics store several months ago. The gang at Freidman’s wrote a user manual for the box and put the box on the shelf between the Tesla coil and the x-ray glasses. A week passed until Darp’s friends bought the box and a limited service agreement. The friends gave it to Darp and he has been using it ever since.

On this afternoon, Darp pressed the magic new location button. The box made a low-piched humming noise and Darp consulted the user’s manual. It read, ”If strange noises are emitted from the box, discontinue usage. Failure to do so relieves the Freidman Corporation of any and all liabilities.” How could Darp live without using the box? Without hesitation, he rushed the box to Freidman’s service desk. He was already showing some withdrawal symptoms.

Nephraim’s phone rang. It was a Freidman’s customer service representative calling because the staff had no idea how to fix the box. He was surprised that anyone was interested. He rushed over to the store to help the technicians. Then, he was escorted past a trembling Darp over to the humming box. Nephraim looked at the box for a minute then kicked it. Darp passed out. The humming stopped. Unfortunately, an even more annoying screeching started. Nephraim studied the box for another minute then kicked it again. All noises stopped. “Good as new,” he proclaimed.

When Darp revived, he was relieved that his box was working again. He invited Nephraim over to dinner to thank him and discuss life with the box. Nephraim was impressed that any individual could be this excited about all the possibilities the box had to offer. He accepted the invitation. They had a lot to talk about.

39655

Nephraim's Box Part 2

2010-01-20T10:00:00.001-06:00

If you haven't read it yet, start with Part 1.

Mr. Darp, after letting his bruises heal for a moment, decided to take a second trip through his new toy. After pressing the magic new location button, he gingerly poked his head through to the other side. This time, after looking first, he was ready to rush in because he was in a place full of gold. He stood up and all around, the only thing he could see was gold. He climbed a nearby pile and still all he could see was gold.

Darp let out a huge cry of joy. Then, he did what most any person would do in this situation, throw several gold bricks through to the other side. He started dancing and singing, “I’m rich! I’m rich!”

During his jubilation, he had failed to hear a buzzing sound off in the distance. Suddenly, around a pile about 100 feet away came a pair of four-foot-tall blue creatures, each wearing a brown security outfit.

“We’ve found our intruder!” said the one on the left.

“And, he’s taking the king’s gold” replied the other.

Darp found it humorous how security guards in any dimension could wear ugly brown uniforms. He didn’t find it humorous for very long because the men in blue started chasing him. He jumped back through the box, back into his original reality. The shorter blue guard commented, “he didn’t get much of our pavement.”

The first thing he noticed upon reentering his living room was the noticeable lack of gold. Instead, there was a silvery liquid, which he tried to avoid, not knowing if it was radioactive or not. He quickly consulted the box’s user manual. It states that, as a quirk, in certain dimensions, elements with an atomic number larger than 72 will have one added to its total number. This was labeled a “feature” and not a “bug.”

Darp recalled that Gold was somewhere near the bottom of the periodic table, but as a poor chemistry student back in college, could not remember what came after it. He found his Encyclopedia and found the table and realized he had a big pile of Mercury on his living room floor. Then he pondered about what he would need on the other side to yield gold on this side. The answer was platinum; once again not a very good tradeoff from his perspective.
He now had a mess to clean up.

* * *

After making several journeys to either side using his prototype, Nephraim devised a moneymaking plan. In the future, he found a simple, yet entertaining kiddie-toy. Taking it back in the 80’s, he sold that same kiddie-toy for 15 dollars. What the uninformed purchaser did not realize is that toy runs on futuristic batteries and will become useless in a couple of weeks.

With his 15 dollars, Nephraim went to a thrift store and found the perfect item, a used TRS-80, with enough money left over to buy a couple of vests, some boots and a Six Flags coffee mug. Back in his future world, he knew of a local eccentric multi-zillionaire by the name of Maxim Marsh, who also was a vintage computer collector. This man operated an old computer museum whose featured item had been a Microsoft Windows 2438. Incidentally, Windows 2438 will be the last operating system the Microsoft people ever produce. This is due to the unbelievable unpopularity they will get after Mousepad Gates releases Microsoft Anti-Christ 1.0 a year later.

Mr. Marsh was ecstatic to buy Nephraim’s TRS-80 for one million Terradollars. Globally, collectors had presumed all but one TRS-80 had been lost or destroyed by the mid 2150s; the remaining one working TRS-80 was being used at a public library.

Now, Nephraim had enough money to pay for his ten-thousand terradollar monthly rent for a long time. He still enjoyed life in the 1980’s but slept in his own time every night. His big problem in the 80’s was that he had no money.

* * *

Darp had called a local friend to help clean up the big pile of mercury on his floor. His friend was a middle school science teacher and Darp had offered him several ounces of mercury if he would clean most of it up.

In Darp’s third trip through the box, he found himself in a very lavish mansion. He knew this place had to be worth millions of dollars. The place had Victorian architecture and several interesting heirlooms made of precious metals and gems. From upstairs, he heard a female voice calling out, “Is somebody there?” The source of this voice soon started to walk down the stairs. An attractive 35-year-old Southern Belle wearing an expensive dress and plenty of jewelry came his way. “Honey, you’re home!” she said upon seeing him. Darp noticed a wedding ring on her finger and started to think he would like this place.

The two of them went upstairs and they talked for a while. Darp started to dream about never having to go back to his own reality. As soon as she was about to smother him with passion, a male voice came from downstairs, “Vivian! Are you home?”

She responded, “I’m up here Vince!”

Darp questioned, “Who’s that?”

“You idiot. That’s my husband Vincent. Now, you need to go find a place to hide until the coast is clear.”

At this moment, Darp’s assumption of being married to Vivian and his vision of the good life had been crushed. Thinking of his box, he replied, “I know of a place where he won’t find me.” In the interim, he went to a coatroom.

Listening outside, he heard Vivian talking to her real husband. He also heard that Vince was coming near to put up his overcoat. He was scared for a moment, but Vivian was able to distract her husband long enough for Darp to get out. He proceeded to sneak downstairs, but was not completely unnoticed.

Vince spotted him right before he got back to his box. Vince yelled out, “Hey! Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

Darp, thinking quickly, picked up a silver ornament off a nearby table. He responded, “I’m from the IRS. I’m taking this to cover all your unpaid back taxes.” He, with the ornament, jumped into the box and reappeared in his apartment. From then on, he used the silver ornament as the centerpiece of his kitchen table.

* * *

For Nephraim, acquiring something from the past, taking it to the future and then selling it had worked once; he was hoping it would work again. He spent a good portion of his time creating a second box similar to his prototype. This time, he decided to make it smaller, specifically twenty inches square. He does this just in case he ever wants to take his second box through the first prototype.

After finishing his second box, he repeatedly changed the location on the other side until he found a date he could settle on. Eventually his box presented him with 1950’s New York City. He looked for anything he could trade which could become valuable in 1980. One gentleman gave Nephraim two dollars in exchange for Nephraim’s hat because the man thought the futuristic hat “looked funny.” He took his two dollars to a nearby nickel and dime store where he bought some comic books and baseball cards. He had neither heard of Superman nor Ted Williams but he figured he would be able to sell these items for a few dollars in the 80’s. He was pleasantly surprised when he sold them for a few thousand dollars; they were in excellent condition. He didn’t understand what difference it made, but he wouldn’t complain.

With his new money, he got a six-month lease on an apartment. He was starting to spend more time in the past and less time in the future.

go to Part 3.

Nephraim's Box Part 1

2010-01-19T10:00:00.003-06:00

[Brent's Note: About 10 years ago, before I had a camera, before blogs, and well before Twitter, my creative outlet was writing short stories. Many of those stories have been posted to this blog over the years. Many of my stories would fit in a genre I call Sci-fi Humor.

Back in the day, these stories were shared with a group of literary friends. The short story "Nephraim's Box" was essentially universally agreed to be my best story. In the 10 years since then, I have been waiting for the right time to publish this story. The right time will never come because I stopped writing Sci-fi humor, which is a shame because this story would be the first story in a whole book I have outlined in my mind which will never be written.

In the meantime, I have decided to post this story to my blog, with the story divided into thirds. Part 1 is today with parts 2 and 3 coming over the next couple of days.]

Nephraim’s Box

By Brent K. Moore

Mr. Darp loves his birthday. Every year, his friends always seem to find the perfect gift for him. This year was no exception.

They gave him a square box about twenty inches on each side. It was wrapped in some very sappy “I love you” wrapping paper, because they knew it would annoy him. That was a couple of hours ago, and after everyone ate a Kroger’s German Chocolate cake, his friends all left. Now, he has a chance to play with his new toy.

The box is called Nephraim’s Multidimensional Trans-warp Come-and-Go Box or “Nephraim’s box” for short. His friends bought it at a liquidation sale at Freidman’s Theoretical Physics Surplus Store.

By now, Darp knows what the box does, but he doesn’t quite know how to operate it yet. Inside the box is a porthole into another dimension. If he were to step through it, it would thrust him into a new location, a new time, a new dimension, a new reality, or any combination of the above.
“That’s so COOL!” Darp was overheard as saying. The only problem is that the box’s operator can’t control where it goes.

Taped to the upper lid of the box, was a booklet of instructions. It has some of the predictable warnings. “Avoid Prolonged exposure to sunlight.” “Do not mix batteries.” “Do not force someone against their will into another dimension.” Darp’s immediate thought was about whom he could force against their will into another dimension. His Boss? No, then he might not get that promotion he thinks he deserves. His Landlord? Now that is a good idea! Before doing anything harsh, he just decided to play around with it first.

* * *

Like Penicillin in 1928 or the nuclear fish tank warhead in 2372, Nephraim’s box was discovered by accident. This brings up the story of Fernando Sanguine Chauncy Bohanon Nephraim, who will be born in the year 9964. In the future, Earthlings will generally have three call-by names and two surnames due to vast overpopulation and under-imagination. He will become a mildly successful inventor whose true calling in life is making sandwiches. He will make and distribute homemade hoagies that could be bought at several of the finer convenience stores during his generation. Nephraim will learn to increase his profit margin by buying meats in bulk, but will run out of places to store all of it. Being a bachelor, it will never occur to him to buy a larger refrigerator. The initial purpose of his box is to create a location to store his ham and salami at a crisp, cool temperature, without taking up too much space in his studio apartment.

With his 4 foot by 3 foot prototype, he will be able to store his hoagie helpers in the Antarctic Circle, without ever having to leave his kitchen. When transporting to the other side, another similar Nephraim box appears. He will have the ability to walk through the porthole, store the food wherever he chooses, and find the box on that side, allowing him to come back through to his apartment.

Nephraim will have a flaw design, however: his food is not safe. What he will not realize is at any moment, hungry or mischievous penguins can come and take his loot. Disgruntled, Nephraim will set aside his box for four years until he adds a modification. Now, with the push of a button, the destination on the other side of the dimensional porthole will change. It is still useless to Nephraim because he can not control the destination, just change it.

Upon pressing the magic button hundreds of times, the destination on the other side is his studio apartment’s closet, five years earlier. As a test, he will take his daily Digital Newsbit and store it on the other side. Completing the test, he goes to his closet and to his joyous surprise, he will find it. Using this trick, he can age gourmet cheeses, will become reasonably prosperous, and will get patent #74E3BF03A72C.

* * *

Back in our current millennium, Mr. Darp has learned about the box’s control and is ready to try it out. One thing the instructions did not tell him was how to get in the box. Being twenty inches square, he was not overloaded with options. Should he jump? Should he gingerly step one foot at a time? Should he go headfirst? Should he throw in his landlord and ask his advice? Being the adventurous type, he jumps in.

On the other side, he consequentially falls out of a tree. Fortunately for him, it was one of the lower branches and his plummet was limited to five feet. After a momentary stunning, he regained his composure and got up. He appeared to be in Anytown, USA. He was in a residential neighborhood, with children who had stopped playing in the street to see what the commotion was. The woman whose house was on the property that Darp was now standing came out of her front door and questioned, “Are you all right?”

Darp replied, “I’m all right, Ma’am. Don’t Mind Me. I’ll be leaving soon.” He proceeded to climb the tree and get back into the porthole located in the Nephraim box on this side. A chipmunk was looking into the box because it noticed a walnut that fell into it. However, it scrambled off as Darp started making his way back into the box. Once again, he was safely in his living room.

* * *

In the interest of clarity and sanity, the rest of the future will be regarded in the past tense. Soon after Nephraim invented his box in the not-so-near future, he became dissatisfied with his role in life. War and disease are a thing of the past for him, but he thinks society is going downhill.
Then, the year 10,000 hit. With the Year 10,000 comes the Y10K computer bug. In comparison, the Y2K bug had just been a historical footnote. Enough awareness was spread early to fix most of the anticipated problems. 8000 years later, only a select few people were aware of the earlier problem; not many records had been kept since nothing terribly drastic happened. As the end of the 9900’s approached, almost every single thing became computerized. Through the future ages, as technology improved and became smarter, the need for technicians decreased, leaving a limited few who knew how to program computers. When the Y10K bug came, mountainous problems arose. The only working people who did not depend on computers and profit from this disaster were the farmers who now could price gouge for their beefalo meat.

With most types of meat now costing over one hundred Terradollars per pound, Nephraim could only sell his hoagies to the rich, and soon went out of business. Fortunately for him, he could escape from our future. With the prototype of his box, he spent much time deciding on a future location to live out his life. He passed up on many opportunities to live in wonderful, surreal locations, but chose to live on the Earth, because human nature never changes. He settled on the late 1980’s America.

On to part 2.

Today's Snow Day Quiz

2010-01-07T04:59:00.003-06:00

Nashville is often known as "Music City USA" or the "Country Music Capital of the World." Did you know that Nashville used to be called the "Powder Capital of the world?" Occasionally, smaller towns get nicknames proclaiming them to be the something "Capital of the World"

For the quiz, match the city near Nashville with what it is known for. (all cities are in TN, unless other wise noted.

Cities:

1) Columbia
2) Cosby
3) Covington
4) Dalton, GA
5) Ft. Payne, AL
6) Jonesborough
7) Knoxville
8) McMinnville
9) Mt. Pleasant
10)South Pittsburgh

is the _______ Capital of the World

A) Blow Pops
B) Carpet
C) Cornbread
D) Moonshine
E) Mule
F) Nursery
G) Phosphate
H) Socks
I) Storytelling
J) Underwear

Answers are posted as a comment!

A few Christmas decorations

2009-12-27T21:02:00.002-06:00

Over the last month, I have bought up a few Christmas decorations, but this year, every thing I have bought has come from Goodwill or another similar thrift store. Here's some of what I picked up.

Happy Thanksgiving 2009

2009-11-26T04:10:00.000-06:00

selling products to lottery enthusiasts

2009-10-13T03:43:00.002-05:00

I firmly believe this statement:

"The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math."

Since the state government runs the lottery, the government would therefore be the ones taking advantage of people. (But, they do that anyway.) However, if there are people to be taken advantage of, there will be more charlatans who step to the table and offer their advantage-taking services.

So, I stumbled across this book:

Wow.

Apparently, there's a simpleton market out there for this kind of product.

Right now, I suppose someone could be reading my blog post and are thinking to themselves, "I could use a book like this! But why did the man who wrote this blog call me a simpleton?"

Let me spell it out for you. The Lottery is a game of chance, where numbers are picked at random. It's impossible to know in advance what numbers are going to come up, there is no formula that can be devised which will predict these numbers with any accuracy.

A player buying a $1 ticket has a 1 in 146,107,962 chance of matching the exact six numbers needed to win the Powerball jackpot.
If you use the formula outlined in this book, your odds will be 1 in 146,107,962.
If you pick the numbers using a dartboard, your odds will be 1 in 146,107,962.
If you pick the numbers by throwing ping pong balls off a roof, your odds will be 1 in 146,107,962.
If you pick the numbers by writing a computer program to pick the numbers for you, your odds will be 1 in 146,107,962, and you should consider getting a job as a computer programmer.
If you pick the numbers with the assistance of a baby chimpanzee, your odds will be 1 in 146,107,962.

As a frame of reference:
Odds of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564
Odds of dying from ignition or melting of nightwear: 1 in 30,589,556

Still don't believe me? Good! I have a secret. The lottery isn't really random, they just fake all of that randomness. There really is a formula for predicting the lottery. It's a heavily guarded secret managed by the Illuminati and the Knights of the Templar and the Jews and the Masons and the lizard people, and I have learned the secret! Send me an email, and for $20, I'll tell you the next winning lottery number.

Need proof? Read this testimonial:
"I didn't think Brent's method would work, but I had nothing to lose. I paid Brent the $20, and 5 minutes later he emailed me back the powerball numbers to try. Now, I'm a Multimillionaire! Thanks, Brent! :)"
-Loretta from Bucksnort, TN

Need more proof? Read this testimonial:
"I also didn't think Brent's method would work, but I also had nothing to lose. I also paid Brent the $20, and 5 minutes later he also emailed me back the powerball numbers to try. Now, I'm also a Multimillionaire! Thanks, Brent! :)"
-Phyllis from Bugscuffle, TN

There's all the proof you need. Send me an email, or buy my book, "These are the numbers you, yes you, will win the lottery with!" which is way better than the book above. You can also purchase this in audiobook form, as well as the companion worksheet, computer software. Spend $50 or more from my online store and get a free t-shirt with your winning number on it.

Back to Work Random Thoughts

2009-10-06T12:42:00.010-05:00

Recently, I went on a vacation that kept me away from work for over a week. While I was on vacation, I injured myself in a way that kept me away from work for another week after the vacation was over. On Monday, I went back to work after being off for 19 days, and on this day I had forgotten that I am supposed to shut off my brain when I go to my job, because thinking just makes the day last longer. I'll share some of the thoughts that were going through my brain during this time in this blog post.

While I'm not completely certain what caused my injury, I think I have a good idea. My wife and I were staying in a group lodge with an air hockey table. I was playing against my wife and the puck flew off the table and bounced off the back of my hand. Two days later, that spot began to swell.

As an overweight computer nerd who was never tough enough to play football, athletic enough to play basketball or coordinated enough to play baseball, I can finally add this to my life's resume': A SPORTS INJURY! I suppose you could claim that air hockey is about the lamest "sport" that one could injure themselves playing. (It's just sad if you can get hurt playing something you'd find a chuck-e-cheeze's, like getting a shoulder injury from skeeball, or a hurt wrist from playing the pop-a-shot.) I prefer to think of it as very manly. I'm willing to risk life and limb to acheive victory, nothing will stand in my way, I will be proven victorious in the battle of the air hockey arena. If we're playing pocket billiards, watch out! I'm playing to win and I will take you down.

When I made it back home from vacation, I went to see my sports medicine doctor. I say that like I had a sports medicine doctor. I really opened up the yellow pages, and picked someone at random who happens to be 5 minutes from my house. Most hand doctors are orthopedists, and most orthopedists operate out of an clinic with "sports medicine" in the title. So, I went to visit my Sports Medicine doctor, and while I was in the waiting room of the sports medicine clinic, I saw that it was me and 5 elderly people with bad hips.

*****

Results of today's political tracking poll: If the Presidential election were held today, 97% of respondants would be confused, because they're not aware that anyone was running yet. 3% unsure.

*****

wonders if knife-improvement researchers think they're working with cutting edge technology.

*****

All the kings men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again because All the King's Horses had the first crack at it. The lack of opposable thumbs just made things worse. At least to be rewarded for their trouble, the King's men were given breakfast omelets.

*****

How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck Norris could chuck wood?

*****

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was in a wood chucking union?

*****

Yesterday, I went to the break room and I noticed a problem with the drink vending machine. Someone paid for an apple juice, which fell off the top row, and half-way down got wedged inexplicably between the row of diet Pepsi and the glass. (side note: is the plural of Pepsi still Pepsi? Pepsis sounds weird.) The apple juice was stuck in a way that looked very easy to un-stick, but it also looks like it shouldn't have gotten caught where it did in the first place.

When seeing this, I was faced with a choice, or a gamble. I could buy an apple juice and hope it dislodges the other one and hope they both fall down together and I'd get a free one. The other possibility is that my apple juice would fall on the other apple juice and be held by the same bond as the first one and I'd lose my money. I call this Vending Roulette.

In the end, I decided I'd feel guilty if I got someone else's apple juice, even if I didn't know who they were. They work where I work, so they can't be rich. To ease my conscience, I bought a Mountain Dew off the bottom row and by some fluke, it got stuck. Hmpf.

*****

If Freezer Queen was the monarch in my freezer, she would be overthrown.

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I go against conventional wisdom every time I buy eggs at the grocery store. I put the entire dozen of eggs in one shopping basket.

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Did you hear the joke about the used car salesman, the octopus and the Mac? I didn't either, but I bet it's really funny.

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You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you. That would also make you a psychic, a mind-reader, and accurate.

*****

Send you're loved ones to Pilcrow Meadows: The Assisted Living Facilty for retired proofreaders.

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In the bookstore, I saw a book about things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School. I jotted down a quick list of fiduciary topics that I suppose aren't taught in Harvard's Business School:

ⓍAmway
ⓍInvesting in collectible beer cans
ⓍGambling on cockfighting
ⓍHow to spill coffee on your lap and sue
ⓍBeating the game show "Press Your Luck"
ⓍSelling diet pills on Ebay
ⓍGetting a free Ipod by completing a few offers from our sponsors
ⓍCheck kiting
ⓍLocation! Location! Location! relating to panhandling
ⓍAuctioning off your virginity

*****

"The dog ate my homework" would be a valid excuse if the course was "cooking" and the assignment was "bacon."

*****

This fall on ABC: Detective Mike Rockmanor is a different kind of cop. He takes orders from no one and plays by his own rules.

Specifically, his rules are a modified version of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons version 3.5. Watch "Detective Dungeon Master" Fridays at 7:00.

*****

Surviving Pigeon Forge

2009-09-29T19:42:00.006-05:00

I am an extremely introverted person. However, every couple of years, or so, I store up all my willingnss-to-be-around-crowds-of-peopleness to visit Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge, which one friend labeled the Sodom and Gomorrah of the south. Gatlinburg is the Gateway to the Smokies. That would make Pigeon Forge the Gateway to the Gateway to the Smokies. In turn, Sevierville would be the Gateway to the Gateway to the Gateway to the Smokies.

Fun Fact: Johnny Cash's song A Boy Named Sue takes place in Gatlinburg.

So lets get started. The only way you can survive the area is to make yourself look forward to the Kitschy attractions, Hillbilly themed gift shops, a mixture of wonderful and terrible places to eat (sometimes you get both at the same eatery depending on when you go), an empty feeling in your wallet, and lots of people on the weekends.

I just got back from the area, and I survived. My purpose in life might be to document the area so as to serve as a warning to others. All of the pictures shown here are my pictures. Most were taken last week, but a small number were taken from my previous visit.

In Honor of Dolly Parton's years of service encouraging millions of vacationers to come to the Sevier County tourist destinations of Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg and spend all of their money, they erected this statue in her honor in front of the county courthouse.

If you have car trouble, you might as well use the services of the people who construct UT fans out of old car parts.

Interesting premise. lackluster use of sign name covering the storefront. I could only imagine being able to purchase Slim Jim by the 50 ft. spool, but luckily I had a friend stop here. He got 4 ounces of Kangaroo Jerky for $15. I bet it has a kick.

A visit to the area is not complete unless you stop by the long-time favorite Apple Barn. It took until my 7th visit to make it here. Now, my wife and I had eaten at their Farmwood Restaurant and we agree it's our favorite place in the area to eat. But we'd never been inside the store before.

If you've ever wanted to buy apples, or other food products with apples as the main ingredient, or apple art, or decorative items shaped like apples, then the Apple Barn environs is the place for you. Then, you go inside and see the 20 shelves of apple butter and run away screaming.

If you view this photo full size, you'll see that in addition to Apple butter, they also sell Apple Jelly, Apple Jam, Apple Spread, Apple Salsa, Sweet Potato Butter, Pumpkin Butter, Fig Preserves, Blackberry Jam, Plum Jam, Rhubarb Jam, Red Pepper Jelly, Damson Jam, Muscadine Jelly, Scuppernong Jelly and Honey.

When you make the journey to the third floor, disappointment sets in, as they only have baskets for sale up there.

They also make apple wine. And to hold those wine bottles, you can also purchase a wine bottle holder, which comes in various styles, such as the racially insensitive drunk Jew, or the Species-ally insensitive drunk Mallard or Drunk Giraffe.

Quick Quiz: How much does a life size stuffed Reindeer cost in an all Christmas store in Pigeon Forge? Answer given after the next photo. With my zoom lens, I was able to take a picture of the price tag.

A full size plush Reindeer costs $400. Santa, shown here, is down with that.

As an aside, I can't take a church seriously if they're named "Gum Stand." That, or if they put this message on their sign.

I finally had an opportunity to visit Hillbilly Village. I kind of got the impression that they were the first gift shop here and every other store opened up around them since the 1960's. I even found a "new" post card that literally had to have been over 50 years old.

This place is so inviting.

And, hey, they have a free Moonshine exhibit out back. This is the kind of place my parents would shelter me from as a kid. Thankfully, I'm an adult now, and can visit whichever backwards tourist traps I choose to. Unfortunately, the display was closed on this day. If you really have to see it, look here at Jacob's pictures.

Fortunately, the bathroom was open. If you can't read the sign behind the trough, it says: PLEASE stand close. A Lot of People in Tenn. go Barefooted.

In case you mistakenly thought Sea World was in the mountains, there's a motel for you.

Ack! I'm scared! The prices of the T-shirts in there were outrageous!

This hotel looks insanely expensive. I bet I got a lower rate getting our cabin on the mountain.

Southern Hospitality: even the KEEP OFF signs are warm and inviting.

Bear Smooch is selling well.

Embrace your inner pig.

best sign in town!

What every home needs. A taxidermy display of a mountain lion catching a game bird. It's cheaper than a life-size plush reindeer.

The candy shop is a favorite place to visit. I'll admit that candy legos are cool.

Who wants some Jalapeño Taffy?

They have an endless supply of Mary Jane, which in my opinion is the worst candy ever. That's a topic for another blog post.

This is the Taffy Pulling Engineer. If I posted this picture and called him a meat-market butcher, you would have believed me.

Pigeon Forge is not a weapon free town. They have a Patriot missile at the new Patriot Park.

They also have a two-story tall liberty bell.

If you are my friend and you pay $20 for this "Hillbilly Cell Phone," I would have to ask what is wrong with you.

If you ever wondered if a waterfowl would be scared of a large concrete octopus, I know of this miniature golf course where you can find out.

hitting the ball into the water is a bad idea.

There used to be a mini-golf course in Pigeon Forge where the owners had about 200 live bunnies as the only obstacles on the course. The story of how it shut down was quite tragic.

I'm not sure, but something about this seems racist.

I have nothing against Shoney's, but if you visit Gatlinburg, why would you eat at Shoneys?

Our vacation to Gatlinburg was going well until this dinosaur smashed through the building and ate and killed us.

This is a 400 year old Mayan Artifact. if it's not Mayan, maybe it's a 400 year old Incan relic. If it's not Incan, then maybe it was by some kid in wood shop.

I suppose this is the billionaire shark. All he needs is a monocle.

After seeing the skateboarding shark, I no longer consider the Ripley people as classy.

Does nobody at Ripley's management think an Aquarium with a seafood buffet is a bad idea? I have imagined this conversation at the Ripley's boardroom meeting:
Manager 1: How is the new Piranha exhibit coming along?
Manager 2: Fine, but we need to take down another exhibit to make room for them.
Manager 3: Our research shows that visitors don't look at the swordfish display anymore.
Manager 1: What shall we do with the swordfish then?
Manager 2: You know how last week we were looking for something to do in the banquet hall on Friday and Saturday nights?

Random autumn display in Gatlinburg. Fall Harvest with outhouse. If you've never taken an occasion to stop and ponder the nature of outhouses, pause for a moment and consider the purpose of the corn cobs at an outhouse.

Chocolate hair care kit, complete with mirror, brush, comb, hairdryer and rollers. This also costs less than a life-size plush reindeer, but the difference in cost isn't a big as you think it ought to be.

The best steaks come from bulls that eat fish in the wild.

There's a store in Gatlinburg where they take real Alpaca fur and turn it into...
1) Sweaters
2) Blankets
3) Pillows
4) Alpacas
The display model cost several hundred dollars, more than an actual alpaca, in fact.

At this international importer, according to oriental tradition, these 5 stalks bring wealth to their owner. Apparently, it's not effective as they have been marked down to half price.

It's a bit off the main strip, but who wouldn't want to spend the night at the Wa-Floy Retreat?

At World of Illusion, nothing has changed since 1982, and that includes the poster that draws you in. If you've ever been there, then you know that the incredibly mystifying grand illusion is wondering where the rest of their exhibits are hiding after you walked through the first hallway in five minutes.

I call this the Essence of Gatlinburg.

Contest Website Address Fail

2009-09-18T08:54:00.002-05:00

Been to KFC lately, then you may have gotten one of these gamepieces. The problem is, the website address listed is not a valid website name. (You can't have a / between the www and the .com) How many thousands of people are going to be mystified or frustrated when they can't figure out how to enter the contest?

P.S. By the way, it's really www.kfc.com/grand-a-day

three oddball fun facts: Hypnic Jerks and Personal Bubbles

2009-08-28T03:24:00.002-05:00

My brother had a bunch of science magazines in the 70's and I read them as a kid. I was thinking about what I remember from those magazines and three things came to mind:

Does this ever happen to you: You're in bed and you've almost fallen asleep. Then, the next thing you know, you daydream you're walking and you trip over something or fall down, which triggers you kicking your leg up in the air. There's a name for that: it's a Hypnic Jerk.

In the rain forests of Africa, scientists found one of the largest trees on the planet and determined one was completely hollow. A scientist rappelled into it and found multiple species that had never been seen anywhere else, such as snakes and frogs that were albinos with no eyes.

Everybody has an imaginary bubble around them that makes their personal space. Usually, when someone who is not a close friend encroaches your personal space, it makes you feel uncomfortable. This bubble is not circular, but oval shaped, and men's ovals are different that women's ovals. If you are standing in a room, a woman would be willing to stand closer to you standing face to face, whereas a man would be willing to stand closer to you side by side.

A fraction of the Loretta Lynn Experience

2009-06-29T14:00:00.002-05:00

If you've driven along I-40 through western middle Tennessee, then you've seen the signs for Loretta Lynn's mansion, museum, dude rance, cafe, campground, gift shop and flea market.

If you're time is limited and can't make the 8 mile drive to Hurricane Mills, then you can catch 1/10th of the experience at the Loretta Lynn Kitchen, which is right off the Interstate and up the hill. You can't miss it.

The smaller dining room has a small bit of Loretta Lynn memorabilia, including a life-size mannequin. It's a fraction of the Loretta Lynn experience for none of the cost (unless you eat at the buffet.)

Located in front of the Loretta Lynn Kitchen right off I-40 is this fake bison and bench. It's the perfect place for a family portrait.

This scares me in a soylent green kind of way.

I wonder if the eye lights up, or if it's just a reflector. I had to resist the urge to put my finger in the hole near his nose.

I bought a post card of her husband riding a jeep. I'm not sure why I bought it as it seems a near useless post card.

36611

Shot proliferation

2009-04-13T02:44:00.000-05:00

This has nothing to do with basketball, guns, medicine or cameras.

Shots are everywhere these days. Of course, it has always been a part of alcoholic establishments for those beverages so potent, you can take only an ounce at a time.

And then, Burger King came out with their "Burger Shots" only to be followed by the Steak-n-Shake's "Steakburger Shots." I remember when burgers that size were called Krystals. (But of course, Krystals makes the full-size burgers now.)

But then, add to that a restaurant chain like Applebees and their Dessert Shots. Two full ounces of Key Lime Pie served in a tiny glass! What's not to like? It doesn't cost as much to purchase, the restaurant can claim they stuff extra-great flavor in a tiny package, and you're not going to get fat very quick. What's not to like? Oh yeah, it's eaten in 15 seconds and you're still hungry.

It's a by-product of our current economy. Diner's can't (or won't) spend as much on their dinner. and even the finer places have to demonstrate they have food for the buget-minded. Soon, I expect steakhouses to be trying this also. Morton's Porterhouse Shots or Roth's Chris Filet Mignon Shots should be coming really soon.

If the trend continues as the way I expect, this usage of the word Shot will appear in our lexicon in the not too distant future, and not just with Strong Drink and food. The word "shot" after another noun will be that noun, but in a smaller form. It can take the place of prefixes and suffixes such as micro-, -ette and -oid

potential examples:

Joke one-liner = humor shots

Newspaper Headlines = news shots

Proverbs = wisdom shots

AIG employee bonuses after congress taxes them at 90% = bonus shots

Matches = torch shots

We could even have Blog Shots, but that already exists. It's called Twitter.

35526

March McNugget Madness Mania

2009-03-13T04:34:00.004-05:00

It's that time of year again! Time for me to fill out my NCAA tournament bracket without knowing anything about the teams. If you have the knowledge to pick between BYU and Ohio St. and you're not a fan of either team, you might have too many brain cells allocated to following college hoops. Personally, I wouldn't know to pick Pittsburgh over ETSU except that Pitt is the 1 seed.

I think this will be the 4th year I've filled out brackets using a mathematical formula, each year refining it from the year before. That formula has nothing to do with who the actual teams are, but their seed# and a random number generator. I'm going to fill out my brackets using the formula (which is slightly revised every year) without looking at who the teams are, because on my formula, it doesn't matter. In fact, I could fill out next year's bracket too, if I wanted. It would be fun to win ESPN's million-dollar contest and tell them during my interview that I've never even heard of Michigan State. The odds of me winning are very slim, of course, but I would be happy if I did better than average. After I finish, and before Thursday, I'll update my blog with who I pick as the winners. By running 5 brackets, one does very well and one does very poorly (like picking Purdue to win it all, or something like that.)

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The bad habits you can satisfy at this store include:

Tobacco

Cold Beer!

Fish

Zippos for your smokes.

Lotto tickets

Slush Puppies

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McDonalds is now running a promotion they call "McNugget Mania" where you can purchase one or more McNuggets for 25 cents each. I wonder how many people have gone throught a McDonalds drive thru and ordered only one McNugget. I suppose most would do it as a prank, but I can imagine this conversation happens occasionally:

"I'd like to order one McNugget. Could I get a Barbecue dipping sauce with that and a cup of water. Payday is tommorrow, and I've got no money today. I found 30 cents in my couch cushions and I gotta eat!"

When I think about it, one McNugget doesn't seem worth 25 cents, and 4 McNuggets don't seem worth a dollar when I compare it to other things on the dollar menu (such as the McChicken Sandwich). However, 10 McNuggets does seem worth $2.50. Here's the catch: On the menu (at least at the one closest to my house) a "10 Piece McNuggets" cost $3.70 - That's not the cost of the meal with fries and a drink, that's the regular cost of 10 McNuggets bundled together. I suppose they are hoping enough people are bad at math to notice they are paying an extra $1.20 to get the same product. You need to go and order them a la carte.

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Black Holes need better marketing.

"What happens in a Black Hole stays in a Black Hole."

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I opened my water bill from the local utilities company and found a shock:

Gallons used in Feb. 6994216

Gallons used in Jan. 9600

Service Charge

Natural Gas 172.50

Water service 18882.54

Sewer Service 17839.74

Stormwater Fee 3.47

Utility Tax 1841.05

Total Due 38739.20

Amount Due if paid late 42429.01

Drat, Now I need to find a way to come up with over $38,000 by Friday, or I'm going to owe and extra $3,500!

Seems like I would have noticed using 7 million Gallons of water. I've got to change my lifestyle. No more draining and refilling the pool every 6 hours. I need to stop taking those 10 hour showers. The question is if I could even use 7 million gallons in a month even if I wanted to. Even if a pipe burst on the wrong side of the water meter, I think I'd notice the entire neighborhood starting to flood.

I called the utility office wanting to laugh about it with someone, but willing to argue if I had to, but the problem had already been corrected in their system, so that my water bill is, as usual, dwarfed by the Natural Gas usage.

random observations:

I'd never noticed that my Sewer bill was directly tied to my water consumption. I didn't realize that I was charged for the water both coming and going.

...yet the bogus Stormwater Fee isn't.

Thats over $1800 that the city won't be getting in taxes from me. I hope they didn't spend it already, but they probably did.

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You'd think the former Vice President would be remembered with more than just a lame bridge with a lame sign. Maybe this goes back 30 years when he was just the U.S. Congressman from this district.

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I have recently begun the process to refinance our mortgage. With that in mind, it's time to clean up my credit report. So, I went to the local public library to pay a 60 cent library fine.

In my change, I got a Hawaii Quarter.

Hooray! I have finally accumulated all of the U.S. Quarters! It was a painstaking process that began 10 years ago. (I even got my first Georgia quarter on my honeymoon!) I can now finally get on with my life. King Kamehameha is personally bidding my set "Aloha."

So, I went to the U.S. Mint website to see what the 2009 quarter was going to look like. Oh, the horror! If you haven't heard, the Mint is continuing this process in to 2009 by including Washington D.C. (side note: Duke Ellington is on this quarter. That's the first thing I think of when I think about D.C.) and all of the U.S Territories. Now, my collection isn't complete until I can aquire the Northern Mariana Island quarter. I'd never even heard of this place before now.

Remember those cardboard 50 state quarter maps you could purchase? They cost $24.95 at Walgreens back in 1998, and then in about 2002 after the interest had died down, you could get one for $2 at a flea market. I have one of those. I filled it up. THERE'S NOWERE TO PUT A NORTHERN MARIANA ISLANDS QUARTER!

If you haven't reached your fill of changing quarters, The Mint is going to begin a 56 piece National Park quarter series. This is in addition to the President Dollar series, the new "tails" to the Sacajawea Dollar, and a series of commemorative Lincoln Pennies. (Now there's a money maker!)

There was a time the U.S. Mint didn't change our coins very often. Now they can't help themselves.

Fun Fact: The Mint is going to spend more time minting William Henry Harrison quarters than he was actually president.

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And finally,

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the South!

35094

1960's Tennessee "Chuckle" Map

2009-03-06T20:21:00.003-06:00

More proof that I do things that other people would find weird, I bought this old map using some of my Christmas gift money.

This map was apparently made in the 60's, although there wasn't a date on it anywhere. One person suggested it goes back to the 40s, but I say the 60's when looking at the population data on the back.

It's called a "Chuckle" map because it's covered with charming vignettes of different spots around the state. Examples include calling Monteagle the highest point between Chicago and Miami, singing "Irish Potatoes", Possum hunting, and the queen of the Memphis Cotton Carnival. You wouldn't see something like this printed today because it's too politically incorrect and depicts us all as hillbillies.

This is the first time I've heard Tennessee called the Nation's most interesting state. I'd agree with that, although I'm biased. It was a tourism map printed and distributed by the state, although I guess there wasn't a department of Tourism then. Instead it was produced by the Division of State Information Department of Conservation.

As you can already guess, I scanned the whole map and if you'd like to see it, here's the link: (It's quite a large image file)

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3312/3333683867_83d9ef2079_o.jpg

I also scanned the other side, with all the text. It's good if you're curious what was considered the top tourist spots back then.

34906

15+ Albums that Changed my life

2009-02-21T19:44:00.003-06:00

Yee-haw. It's going around MySpace and Facebook.

These aren't necessarily my all-time most listened to albums, but they all influenced me in one way or another

1) K-Tel compilation LP: Goofy Greats. This is some of the earliest music I listened to. K-Tel has always been known for making compilation records and this album was mostly novelty tracks from the late 60's. Songs included "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", "Beep Beep" "Mule Skinner Blues", "Bread and Butter", "Alley Oop", "Rockin Robin","Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron". I loved all those songs. One song scared me: "Surfin Bird" which was prominent in a recent family guy episode.

2) The Best of Emerson, Lake & Palmer
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Emerson-Lake-Palmer/dp/B00124T64O/
Growing up, I shared a room with my brother Scott. He bought his first CD player in the mid-to-late 80's and this was his first CD. I had to listen to whatever he was listening to, but when he wasn't home, I started playing this one. Now that I have most ELP albums, this Best of wasn't their best, but it got me hooked onto them. Favorie track: Karn Evil 9

3) The Best of Manhattan Transfer
http://www.amazon.com/Best-Manhattan-Transfer/dp/B000008I2X/
with a family of diverse musical tastes, this was the one thing we could all listen to. If music was playing at home, it was probably this one. When Scott and his wife moved to Tulsa and Dad, Mom and I went to visit, this cd was on repeat all night long in the background. Favorite track: Birdland

4) Beatles - White Album
http://www.amazon.com/Beatles-White-Album/dp/B000002UAX/
When Scott and his Cd player moved away, I needed something to listen to. I bought an 8-track player at a garage sale. At the time, I listened to Oldies 96.3 and was a fan of the beatles. I saw an 8-track called "the Beatles." I didn't recognize the cover or any of the song titles, and bought it. It turns out that the White Album doesn't say White Album on it anywhere, nor is the 8-track white. The 8-track was the 2nd album. My best friend and beatles expert David knew of it and dubbed the first album onto a cassette around 7th grade. Both got listened to a lot. After I got married, MariLynn bought me the CD. It's still my favorite Beatles album. Fav track: Birthday

5) Queen - News of the World
http://www.amazon.com/News-World-Queen/dp/B000000OAC/
After my brother Scott moved out, he left behind all of his cassettes dubbed off of LP. I didn't know who they were since I mostly knew "oldies". I listened to this and Queen has been my favorite band ever since. I asked my friends at school if any of them knew about Queen. I remember Joe Beard telling me their lead singer had just died of AIDS. My parents showed me Scott's LP collection where I found this. The front was really odd because it showed artwork of a robot killing the band. Fav track: We Will Rock You.

6) Electric Light Orchestra - Ole' E.L.O.
http://www.amazon.com/Ole-ELO-Electric-Light-Orchestra/dp/B0012GN2RY
I kept going through my brothers albums looking for other stuff I'd like and found this. Side note: Album artwork was far more important back in the days of LPs than it is now, You could do all this cool stuff with an album that the size limitations of a cd won't let you do. CDs sound better, though. This is a great greatest hits release before their sound changed and had more of a pop sound. Fav track: Kuiama.

7) Yes - Big Generator
http://www.amazon.com/Big-Generator-Yes/dp/B000002JLC/
I think this is the first album I ever purchased, as I bought the cassette at a mall on our schools infamous 8th grade trip to Washington, DC. Not their best album, but I liked it and have since got several more of their albums. While I was going through my LPs researching my list, I found I had this on LP, too and I don't remember ever buying it. Fav track: Shoot High, Aim Low.

8) Pink Floyd - The Wall
http://www.amazon.com/Wall-Deluxe-Packaging-Digitally-Remastered/dp/samples/B000006TRV/
Another of Scott's LPs dubbed onto Cassette. I listened to it over and over, but it took me a while to realize it was a double album. I thought it ended with "Goodbye Cruel World" which seemed like a fitting end. Then one day I turned the cassette over and there was more! I once loaned this cassette to a friend and when I got it back, he had used it to record his own band performing Smells like Teen Spirit over "Hey You." Fav track: Another Brick in the Wall

9) They Might Be Giants - Flood
http://www.amazon.com/Flood-They-Might-Be-Giants/dp/B000002H7V/
A few people told me they liked TMBG, including classmate JJ before she died a week before high school graduation. As a grad present, I got a gift certificate to Tower Records and bought Flood without ever hearing any of their music. They've got a sound I hadn't heard anywhere else, and that album was a good start. Fav song: Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

10) Billy Thorpe - Children of the Sun
http://www.amazon.com/Children-Sun-Billy-Thorpe/dp/B0000074G3/
Every time I'd visit my grandmother, the classic rock radio station there would play this cool song, the title track off the album, but I'd never hear it in Nashville. It was a 6 minute space-themed rock anthem. The problem was finding it. Thank you internet!

11) Chuck Jones - In Front of People
Chuck was at Lipscomb U. the same time I was. I thought he was a gifted songwriter with clever lyrics. He had a concert on campus that I went to. It was a blast. The concert was recorded and sold on CD, and I still listen to it often. He now goes by Southpaw Jones, and still makes new releases. His songs range from witty and hilarious to sad and emotional. MariLynn can't stand his music. Fav track: I'm an Adult Now.

12) Manfred Mann's Earth Band - Somewhere in Africa.
http://www.amazon.com/Somewhere-Africa-Manfred-Manns-Earth/dp/B000025A3S/
For the longest time,I knew three of their songs: Do Wah Ditty Ditty, Mighty Quinn and Blinded by the Light. I thought it was odd how all three songs sounded so different. I found this cassette and didn't listen to it for a long time, until one sunny Saturday MariLynn and I got in the car and on the spur of the moment drove a good stretch of the Natchez Trace Parkway, while we had this album playing. Since then, I've found their rock music to be on par with other classic or prog rock giants. fav track: Redemption Song

13) Huh Techno Issue
http://www.amazon.com/Techno-Issue/dp/B000BQPEMC/
I always figured I'd like electronica dance music, even though I don't dance. I stumbled upon this cd sampler to see what techno would be like. Turns out, that day we realized we both like techno music. She really liked a song called Luv Connection by Towa Tei, who was the DJ for Deee-lite. I was introduced to Electronic Behavior Network, a group that was known for making songs out of television samples. I listen to them often. fav track: Electronic Behavior Control System.

14) Fatboy Slim - You've come a Long Way, Baby
http://www.amazon.com/Youve-Come-Long-Edited-Version/dp/B00000DCEW/
MariLynn and I had already bought a few techno cds, and there were a couple of Fatboy Slim songs I liked. On our honeymoon, we ended up at a flea market in Orlando and I bought this cd. Over the next few years, I bought every cd of his (or any of his aliases) I could find, with lots of imports. I bought a cd single with a rare track from a guy in Singapore. Fav track: Rockafeller Skank

15) The White Stripes - Elephant
http://www.amazon.com/Elephant-White-Stripes/dp/B001AP11L6/
Who says modern rock music isn't any good? A lot of people, including me. There's one exception, as I heard a couple of their songs on a 2002 vacation to Dallas. They might just be the only big name modern rock group worth listening to. MariLynn can't stand them. Fav track: Seven Nation Army.

After I made the list, I realized that everything in the list is at least 7 years old. here's something newer

16) David Byrne and Brian Eno - Everything that Happens
http://www.everythingthathappens.com/
This came out not too long ago. When I was looking for ways to spend my Christmas Money, I saw they had one track for free to download, and I really liked it. For free, their website also streams all the other tracks. I was vaguely familiar with both artists but found this cd to be great, and there are multiple tracks I listen to over and over. Fav track: Home

Due to the Nature of Olives

2009-02-21T14:32:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store, and for dinner, I bought a Food Lion store brand self-rising supreme pizza. As I went to take it out of the box and place it in the oven, I saw this ominous warning:

Due to the nature of olives, product may contain olive pits.

Huh? The first thing that came to mind was when you buy certain products, like peanut butter, and it says "May contain peanuts." I can understand why they do that. If you've got a peanut allergy, it's very important to know. Does anyone out there have an olive pit allergy? A quick google search seems to say no. Or maybe olive pits would kill us all, and that goes without saying, except nobody said it to me. (I hear apple seeds are deadly!)

So, I went and found a bottle of olives. Does that bottle have this warning?

No.

but, of course they remove the pits with those red pimento things.

I looked in the pantry and we have a couple of bottles of Olive Oil. Any warning?

No.

It must be a food lion thing. Maybe that's what you get by buying generic. You might save 75 cents over the cost of Red Baron, but you're taking a gamble there could be an olive pit on there! Harmful if swallowed! Seek medical attention immediately.

What do you want on your Tombstone?

Olive pits? Sorry, no.

I googled the phrase "Due to the Nature of Olives" and got no results. So that means a couple of days from now, when the next person googles that term, they'll find this blog. *waves*

I feel like starting sentences with that phrase, just for the fun of it:

Due to the nature of olives, I bought a discounted fruitcake and a Goya Champagne Cola.

Here's one my sister-in-law Sherry told me:

Due to the Nature of Olives, the economy is in the pits!

I am forced to believe that this product warning is the result of a class action lawsuit.

Due to the nature of lawyers and olives, the uniformed public must be warned about the hazards of supreme pizza! (but not the hazards of, lets say, choking on a meat-wad or eating nothing but pizza will make you fat.)

On Law & Order, I'd love to hear Sam Waterson argue a motion before a judge, "In People V. Food Lion Pizza,..."

Due to the finite nature of olives, I can't think of anything else to say.

34661

Valentines for Nerds 2009

2009-02-14T05:57:00.002-06:00

And now for the real 2009 Valentine...

If you'd like to see more, here's my 2008 Valentine's for Nerds. My real valentine from 2008 got about 3000 hits alone this week.

34509

Bad Pun Alert!

2009-02-08T23:36:00.004-06:00

Coal Miner's Otter

As more and more cities decide upon a town animal mascot to place statues of all around, Crossville, TN has recently settled upon the Otter. I was told by the lady in the gift shop of the Crossville Depot where this is located that Otters, once common, are now near extinct in many parts of Tennessee, but not in Crossville. Coal Miner's Otter seems like such a perfect name, but alas, this is Franky. Franky represents the mining activity of Cumberland County and was donated by Franklin Industrial Materials.

Sadly, I never found a 'Welcome Back, Otter"

**************************

Brent's Axiom of Tech Support Effectiveness:

The easier a product is to use, the tougher time tech support will have fixing it when it breaks.

**************************

Today's goofy spam message:

From: Efcc Crime Commission [mailto:efcc_executive01@yahoo.com.co]
Subject: BE CAREFUL OF THE HUDLOOMS

(I'm not sure what a Hudloom is. I think it's either a machine that the U.S. Dept. of Housing and Urban Development uses to weave houses, or it's a quaint spelling of Hoodlums.)

¡Tengo nueva dirección de correo!

This translates to "I have new email address!" Apparently, this spammer is trying to steal business from a better scammer.
Ahora puedes escribirme a:efcc_executive01@yahoo.com.co
Translates to: Now you can write me at... except I won't.

- FROM MRS. FARIDA V.M WAZIRI TODAY INVESTIGATION ON YOUR PAYMENT FILE AND REASON FOR DELAYING YOUR PAYMENT, SINCE APPROVED, I'm already lost. PLEASE ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? No, sorry. Try someone else. DID YOU SIGN ANY DEED AGREEMENT IN FAVOUR OF THIS(JOHN WHEELER) TO RECIEVE (spellcheck!) YOUR FUNDS ON YOUR BEHALF? I'm dead, and John Wheeler might be also. DO REPLY IMMEDIATELY FOR CONFIRMATION AND RECIEVE YOUR APPROVED FUND. I'll get right on that. BEST REGARDS. XOXO MRS. FARIDA V.M WAZIRI:(Chairman) Economic And Financial Crime Commission(E.F.C.C INVESTIGATION BUREAU)Email:efcc_executiveoffice_nig01@post.ro (a different address in Romania. How can I keep you people straight?

34366

Those Crazy, Fun Dutch Wannabes

2009-01-17T03:15:00.004-06:00

In November, while taking one of my "Drive all over the Tennessee Countryside looking for stuff to photograph" excursions, I had to wait out a rainstorm. I stopped at an antique store in Cowan, TN, where they had reasonably priced old post cards. I found many I liked, including the two below that are slightly oddball. It wasn't until today that they share something in common. An appreciation for Dutch culture.

on the back:

WELCOME to the HEART of DUTCH COUNTRY, in the SCENIC HILLS of HOLMES COUNTY, OHIO. HEINE'S PLACE: Home of the World Famous MINI-WHEEL CHEESES
See the world's largest wheel of cheese known: Net wt. 20,462 lbs. Observe the art of Cheese making in our modern facility. Visit our cheese house, featuring 27 varieties of semi-soft Natural Cheeses (no preservatives).
Located just off U.S. 62; one mile northeast of Berlin, Ohio 500 ft. North at the blinker light on County Road 77.

I had to learn more on the Internet, to see if this was worthy of my visit, the next time I'm in the area. Apparently, this is in an area of Amish agri-tourism. Heine's Cheese Chalet is still in business, and you can buy their cheese, and watch it being made, but apparently, someone accidentally unplugged the power cord to the refrigerator kiosk in the 90's. Since this postcard, they appear to have mostly dropped the dutch theme.

Their website is www.heinis.com/ and it appears that if you visit, you can sample each of their 50 flavors of cheese in their retail outlet. Finally, they offer a 60 foot wide mural showing the history of cheese-making.

Oh, how I wish they were closer to me in Middle Tennessee, but it's vaguely halfway between Columbus, OH and Cleveland.

On the Back:
STEET SCRUBBING - In Holland, Michigan, at "Tulip Time" in mid May, young and old alike dress in their native Dutch costumes to participate in the ritual of scrubbing the streets. Dutch dances, parades, windmills, tulips and traditional Dutch hospitality, creates one of the country's outstanding Springtime events.

I looked them up on the internet, and this festival still takes place. www.tuliptime.com/
According to their schedule of events, unfortunately it doesn't look like street scrubbing still occurs, but you can see Tulipalooza, Wooden Shoo-be-doo, Klompen Dancers, Bobby Vinton and the Oak Ridge Boys.

33948

Looking Back: 2008 Photography in Review

2009-01-01T13:05:00.003-06:00

This year has been one of several photographic accomplishments, Starting with purchasing a new camera, being promoted from Amateur to Semi-pro, having several pictures appear in print, and finally, being able to see so much of Middle Tennessee.

Let's start with the basics. Based on how much I liked it, and how family and friends responded, here are my top 20 photographs of 2008.

1) Nashville Skyline 4F

Taken: January 11
It was my first day to drive around the city with my new toy, my new camera. While I knew it was cloudy and making some things not look as good, I knew the evening sky would be spectacular. I posted 6 of these photos from that day.

2) 2008 Valentines Rose 6

Taken: February 17
Without being able to afford expensive lighting equipment, I have learned to improvise. I've never been happy with my floral pictures, but that didn't stop me from trying again with the Gemini roses I bought for my wife. I put this rose on a table, my camera on a tripod, turned out the lights, and spent an hour taking pictures while shining a flashlight on the rose.

3) Flynn's Lick Baptist Church

Taken: March 1
My wife and I went on several day trips this year. Just outside of Gainesboro, TN, we found this quaint abandoned church building. She was driving and stopped on the highway, giving me time to take one shot.

4) Drake Motel

Taken: March 21
My affinity for neon signs has grown over the years, and it took me a while to get to perhaps the best one in Nashville.

5) Rutledge Falls

Taken: March 22
This waterfall is one of Middle Tennessee's best kept secrets. To get the view I wanted, I had to lay on my belly on a sloping-downhill rock while making sure I didn't drop the camera. Here's a video.

6) Pacific Prowler

Taken: April 12
I live less than a half mile from the end of the runway at the Smyrna Airport. This made me get really pumped about the semi-annual airshow when the Blue Angels were flying over my house. While parked on the ground, there's something about this vintage B-25 that I thought was just photogenic.

7) Julie Clark

Taken: April 12
While at the Airshow, I posted over 80 photos of planes in the air. Spins, rolls, smoke, wingwalkers, formations. So why did my favorite have to be of something that happened on the ground? I guess I just like the patriotic look.

8) Robertson County Courthouse

Taken: May 10
Over the last couple of years, I have turned into a courthouse lover. It's the center of town. It's where people gather (or used to). When an old courthouse has been preserved, it becomes the source of town pride. I've been looking forward to seeing this one ever since my previous visit to Springfield, TN, when it was under renovation and surrounded by scaffolding.

9) Cream City Ice Cream

Taken: May 10
The day we started it Springfield, we ended in Cookeville as my wife wanted to go to an Italian restaurant there. It was worth it, because the sign was all lit up, which hadn't happened before on any of my previous visits. This might just be my favorite neon sign I've seen anywhere. Cream City Ice Cream is no more, but there warehouse near the Cookeville Depot has turned into a touristy shopping district. The sign has been preserved and on special occasions, the sign is turned on. Here's the video.

10) The Hungry Snail

Taken: May 24
My wife and I were visiting Rock Island, when we spotted this fella eating a blade of grass. The macro ability on my camera is good, especially when considering the price range. I think he sees me.

11) Train Bridge

Taken: May 24
The thing I like about trains was back in their heyday, they could accomplish anything. I hear that this line is not used anymore, but I had a neat perspective to look down on a bridge that crosses the Caney Fork River.

12) Hi-Way 50 Drive In

Taken: June 27
I hear that Drive-ins are making a comeback. My wife and I went to our first show at a drive-in this year, although it wasn't this one in Lewisburg. This is a picture I took on the way to a men's retreat that our church was having. Not only is this a great neon sign and a piece of Americana, but it has Hi-way 50 in the name, too. That's another of my hobbies - old highways.

13) Nashville Fireworks on the 4th

Taken: July 4
I knew I had July 4 off of work, but my wife did have to work that day. That made me free to choose how to spend the day. I wasn't sure how I wanted to spend the day until I got my weekly Webshots Pro Tip Bulletin. In that email, they featured a Nashvillian who took 4th of July fireworks and had the downtown skyline as the backdrop. That was all the inspiration I needed and helped me put up with the long wait and nightmarish parking.

14) Montgomery County Courthouse 1

Taken: July 11
My next most eagerly anticipated courthouse was the one in Clarksville, TN. About a year prior, my mom had sent me a newspaper clipping and asked if I had been there. It truly is a source of town pride, as the majestic building surviving several fires and tornadoes.

15) America Remembers: Flags of Honor

Taken: August 2
This sea of flags was at the entrance to the Williamson County Fair. Each flag corresponds to a fallen U.S. soldier.

16) 100 Things to see at the fair #45: Quilting Demonstration

Taken: September 6
Rarely have I taken a portrait that I have been happy with, but I like the way this turned out. Maybe it helps that the quilting lady is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

17) 100 Things to see at the fair #100: Randall's Racing Pigs

Taken: September 12
If you haven't yet guessed, I have a lot of photos from the Tennessee State Fair. I like the pig races. It has a southern charm to it. All the pigs run around the track and you've got one chance to get the action photo you're looking for.

18) 100 Things to see at the fair #8: Ferris Wheel

Taken: September 12
I've done the blurred motion Ferris wheel thing before. This time, and it wasn't even intentional, the focus only was on the middle of the wheel, slightly blurring the front and the back. This was also the first time I actually brought a tripod out to the midway, so I could setup where I wanted to.

19) 100 Things to see at the fair #10: Wave Swinger

Taken: September 13
This is my wife's favorite type of ride. It reminds her of her youth and going to Opryland. If you look closely, she's on here holding her red hat.

20) Beersheeba Springs Autumn

Taken: November 7
I took a lot of photos when I went to the men's retreat, but I also had the opportunity to go out driving when my wife went to the church's women's retreat. The problem was, it was raining that day. I was going to be in the Cumberland mountains no matter what, and the sun finally came out an hour before sundown. After visiting a couple of other important spots, I could go one more place before the sun went down. There is a really old resort hotel (not used as a hotel anymore) in the mountains, and this picture was taken from their scenic overlook. I was able to take more pictures on the next day but all the leaves seemed to fall off the trees overnight.

Other photo highlights.

I used my Christmas and Birthday money to start the year with my new camera.

Photo #1 (and the source of my inspiration:

I finished the year with that camera having taken 22,321 photos. The last photo was of a book that MariLynn's uncle gave us for Christmas.

I sold this photo to appear on the cover of a Gallatin map.

Two of my photos were published, one from 2005 in a book about Pittsburgh and one from 2007 in a book about Chattanooga.

I submitted several photos for the Capture Music City book. While none appear in print, 11 made the DVD.

I've now been on Flickr.com for nearly 3 years, in that time I have uploaded 3,421 images (900+ in '08). Collectively, they have been viewed 449,000 times.

Flickr has a formula to calculate how interesting a photo is. They say my most interesting photo from 2008 is this photo from Rock Island:

Sometimes, my photos will come up when you're looking for something on Google, for that reason, this was my most viewed photo taken this year, two cans of Mountain Dew Revolution.

I started the year with the goal of photographing every middle Tennessee courthouse. Some I had already visited in past years, and I fell short with 5 counties on the west side of Middle TN. I did add 23 to my total this year.

I only added 2 Rock City Barns to my collection, mostly because I have already seen most of the ones nearby.

My newest thing is old train depots. I saw 15 of them.

I continue to be the webmaster of my dad's music group, the Nashville Early Music Ensemble.

My wife and I both take pictures of our church's events. It helps that we're one of the few couples without children yet.

Favorite self portraits.

Sentence Construction Reminder

2008-12-31T23:12:00.003-06:00

For those of you Celebrating the New Year in New York...

Correct:
In Times Square, the ball drops at midnight.

Incorrect:
At midnight, Times Square drops the ball.

P.S. I celebrated leap second this year. I cheered the leap second, but the cheer was longer than a second and my exuberance spilled over into pre-planned seconds.

P.P.S. I would also like to point out that those of us in America share something with our friends north of the border. Canada also celebrates New Years Day on January 1!

33717

2008 Christmas Buying Guide

2008-12-13T06:47:00.007-06:00

For those of you out there that wait to the last minute to buy presents, I'm here to help. My advice: Stop what you're doing right now and go to Wal-mart (or the store of your choice) and buy up a bunch of gift cards. Then, come back...this blog will still be here, and read about all the wonderful things you missed out on.

Blu-Ray

The newest movie format is now more popular than ever! Now is your chance to get your friends and family all of the classics in the highest quality available. See films like The Great Train Robbery, Metropolis, Nosferatu and The Phantom of the Opera in the way they were meant to be seen: 1080p High Definition Video with THX-certified 7.1 Channel DTS audio. You can finally throw the upconversion DVD player away!

Another hot seller: The Moment of Truth complete uncut and unabridged first season. Each televised episode was actually cut down from 3 hours of raw footage. Imagine the unbelievable suspense and tension of waiting a whole 10 minutes from the time Mark Walberg asked the question to the contestant until the audience hears the results of the polygraph test.

Economics Silencer

Talk of the recession seems to get worse every day, and next year could very well turn out worse than this one. While most concerned citizens care whether or not they can pay the mortgage and keep their job, many people don't enjoy listening to economic doom and gloom talk all the time. The NoX sp500 Economics Silencer* slips comfortably over the ears, and when activated removes the sound of financial discussion that seems to be everywhere. There is a setting† that will also mute all references to Unemployment, Inflation, the Great Depression or whatever company becomes the next Congressional Bailout‡.

*also known as noise canceling headphones.
†This setting is called "on."
‡The early front-runner is AOL TimeWarner.

Video Games

An early front-runner for the most popular video game this year is "The Biggest Loser." However, this game has nothing to do with the popular Reality TV Show, or anything to do with weight loss in general. In fact, the overall winner of this game goes to the individual in all of the United States that spends the most time playing it.

Other popular games this year:
Hole in the Wall for the Wii (with the additional accessory, the WiiWall.)
The Exxon/Mobil Gouge the Customer game. (with optional Gulf Hurricane expansion pack)
Joe the Plumber 2009
Swim with Michael Phelps

Although not a game, the "Wiible" is a popular Nintendo accessory. Wiibles wobble, but they don't fall down.

Gifts for the Insanely Wealthy:

Do you think your water-bed just isn't as comfortable as it used to be? Wouldn't you sleep a lot better if money was stuffed in your mattress? The Regal Divan company of Montpelier has just the product for you! Filled with 10,000 United States one dollar treasury bills, some are laid one on top of another to provide firm support, while others have been meticulously hand-rolled into coils to provide that sleeping-on-a-cloud feeling that only a smothering of cash can provide. Check out RDMco's newest bed, the "Rolling-in-it 10G"

Show the world that you are light in body fat but heavy in the wallet with the Up-Scale®. Stand on the Up-Scale®'s marble-top platform and a digital readout is projected on the wall using state of the art laserlight technology. Or, if you prefer the spoken word option, the Up-Scale® will tell you your weight using the voice of Joan Rivers. "You look fabulous, Dahling!"

The Opulent Olfactory Group has released their 2008 product line. Their flagship design, "Air of Superiority" not only purifies, oxidizes, dehumidifies and proliferates a steady stream of ions into the air of your room to make it as fresh as a mountain glaze, but it also permeates the room with the choice of four affluent aromas: Antique furniture, Polished heirloom, Maidservant tears and Stinking Rich. Also comes in a royalty edition, "Air to the Throne."

Just for fun (Not that you would actually attach a sticker onto the bumper of your Bentley.)

Books:

The Zodiac Diet by Dr. Niles Acosto, M.D.
The latest and hottest diet to hit Hollywood. Here's an excerpt from the beginning of chapter 7:
As a Capricorn, you are able to overcome life's obstacles but you run the risk of working too hard with not enough play. With this in mind, you should be willing to eat whatever nutrients, vitamins and minerals are necessary to combat the stress that you go through. In this chapter, we will outline the foods you need to intake daily and weekly to make sure you get all you need. Your diet will be high in Ginseng, Guarana, Polysaccharides and Trimethylglycine. The key planet for Capricorn is Saturn, so we will also add to the diet Potassium, Herbal Teas, Rheponticum, Mangosteen. The Key element for Capricorns is Earth, and for this the diet will additionally be high in Goji Berries, Tyrosine and CoEnzyme Q10.

If I Didn't Do it by OJ Simpson
In this fictionalized account, Simpson details what things would have been like if he hadn't committed attempted armed robbery of a sports memorabilia dealer in Las Vegas.

No More Novels...
A comprehensive guide to the best and the worst Harry Potter Internet romantic fanfiction.

Where's Obama?
Based on the popular Where's Waldo series, the goal is to find the new President-Elect in all new artwork depicting his Madcap, Zany adventures! Scenes include Obama's time at a Muslim Madrassa in Indonesia, to him at Rev. Wright's Church in Chicago during a controversial sermon, all the way up to the Illinois Governor Blagojevich scandal. The twist is that you won't actually be able to find Obama in any of these scenes, just like his birth certificate!

Margin of Terror
What happens when you respond to a survey and say you'll vote for the other candidate? Find out in this election year novel, which is part political intrigue, part crime drama in this story of a poll worker who exacts revenge upon the unsuspecting voters.

Profiles in Discourage
When ordinary people do newsworthy things, today's media is able to learn information about them almost instantly by tracking down their MySpace page. This book chronicles all the biography, pictures, and general weirdness about the people you should have never known about such as New York Governor Spitzer's call girl, the guy who named his daughter lolcat, and lonelygirl15.

Sarah Palin Mania

If you were a staunch conservative, 2008 was not a very good year for you, with one exception: the rise of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to the forefront of national consciousness. For all the Palin fans out there, at this point it's just a waiting game for her chance to run again.

Other

Have any friends who are die-hard Tampa Bay Rays fans? I didn't think so, but just in case, there's a limited edition jewel-encrusted, platinum-coated, 24 Karat gold commemorative medallion honoring the team's meteoric rise to win the American League pennant this year. Cost is $2 over the spot price of the metal.

While not a gift in and of itself, have you contemplated what you could do with all those worthless shares of stock from all of the companies that have gone belly-up this year? Pay the postage to have those shares of stock mailed to you, and use them as gift-wrapping paper. It makes for a fun and topical icebreaker this year, while at the same time it explains to your friends and family why all of the presents came from the "everything's a dollar" store.

For the hard-core Elvis Presley fans: a new 2009 series of 12 collectible commemorative plates. The plates will feature several 2009 milestones, such as the 74th anniversary of his birth, the 32nd Anniversary of his death, the 41st Anniversary of his 1968 Comeback special, etc... This just proves that Elvis fans will buy anything.

Did you already buy all of the latest and greatest Hannah Montana toys for your pre-teen daughter? Then, collect the whole set of the other cast of characters: Chucky Kentucky, Claire Delaware, Mary Maryland, Uri Missouri, Bronson Wisconsin, Billy Ray Cyrus.

Do you have any friends or family who enjoy the assembly of circuit boards and want to keep up with the latest electrical component news from around the world, as well as information about "for hire" opportunities. Give them a year's subscription to Solder of Fortune magazine.

Final thoughts:

Would you like to read more gift suggestions? Well, there's always my buying guide from 2007 and 2006, but those suggestions would make terrible gifts, because they were like so last year!

So, a couple of products listed in this guide don't actually exist. (yet.) Sometimes when I am developing thoughts for this blog I come up with a really great idea, only to not be able to use it.

What if there was a product that was a very silly premise, yet at the same time capitalizes on two different trendy themes? That would be comedy gold! An example of this would be something like Dancing with the Stars for the Nintendo Wii! That would be crazy! Nobody in their right mind would make that!

Sigh.

33559

An Observation of Chinese Restaurants

2008-11-30T01:37:00.003-06:00

I've finally come to the realization that you might already know. Every Chinese food take out is exactly the same, only the name of the establishment is different.

The Chinese take-outs have a very convenient naming convention. To come up with a name, pick one word from Group A and a second word from Group B.

Group A: Famous, Golden, King, New, China, Hunan, Panda, Peking, Crouching, Hidden

Group B: Chinese, Chef, Wok, Dragon, House, Garden, Moon, Hut

So, the other day, I was at Panda Wok, or maybe it was Golden Chef, and I noticed their menu was the same as every other Chinese Take out I'd been to. Naming the entrees to choose from is almost as easy as naming the Restaurant

Group A: Chow Mein, Lo Mein, General Tso's, Cashew, Sesame, Kung Pao, Mu Shu, Sweet and Sour, Garlic, Szechuan, with Broccoli, with Mixed Vegtables

Group B: Beef, Chicken, Pork, Shrimp.

If you show up between the hours of 11:00 am and 3:00 pm, you can get one of the above entrees served with fried rice, and your choice of an egg roll or soup (Wonton, Egg Drop, Hot & Sour) for $4.50ish.

If you want, you can add a whole host of appetizers, such as Spring Rolls, Crab Rangoons, Fried Wontons, Chicken-on-a-stick, and if your kids don't like any of this, French Fries.

For those with a big appetite, or a family to feed, you can also choose one of the chef specials that has a bunch of stuff on it, but that stuff isn't itemized on the menu, such as Seafood Delight, Happy Family or Pu-Pu Platter. Honestly, I think they just get a kick out of American's ordering Pu-Pu.

Grab a fork, packets of Soy and Duck Sauce, eat at one of the four tables or take it with you, and finally, enjoy your fortune cookie.

P.S. I once gave this kind of treatment to Mexican Restaurants.

33230

Mac vs. PC: An Irrelevant Update

2008-11-28T20:48:00.003-06:00

You've probably heard that Macs are good for artistic people.

However, PC's may be better for those people that want to get their math right.

(Taken from a Black Friday ad for Mac Authority in Nashville.)

The end.

p.s. For those of you Mac users that don't get it, $1999 - $1100 is not $1599.

33215

Happy Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-27T05:43:00.004-06:00

33184

RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival

2008-11-22T04:30:00.002-06:00

At the beginning of the year, the RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival, held every year in Bell Buckle, TN, was my #1 priority of the event I wanted to see this year. Admittedly, I'm not really a huge fan of either RC or Moon Pies, but this festival is, in my opinion, small town southern charm at its best. It was held Saturday, June 21, 2008.

Bell Buckle was established as a railroad town on the Nashville to Chattanooga line. Now, in the center of town is a line of storefronts for antiques and arts & crafts. This is the sign that welcomed visitors.

There was entertainment all day long. I went to check that out first, and saw this lady with a moon pie hat.

The first act I saw was a clogging group. In this scene, the head of the group asked for a volunteer, and this boy stepped up. The guy in the bottom corner was the official videographer of the festival.

Want your picture as an RC Cola can?

There were plenty of food vendors, notably those who will deep fry a moon pie and sell it for $3. You could also buy bottles of RC for $1.50. I'm not sure I had seen that anywhere before, so I indulged in one bottle. I really liked this sign.

This hippie-looking guy made balloon animals for the kids.

With the fun hats, I liked this one, too.

Anywhere you find a sizable crowd, you're also likely to find politicians looking for your vote.

I wanted to get close enough to get their picture, but not close enough that they would ask for my vote. On a related note, I'd like to stop and take a moment to thank the people at Canon for making such a fine camera with a super-zoom lens.

On the left is Mike Padgett. He is a democrat, one of several who was seeking the party's nomination to lose against incumbent Lamar Alexander. On the right is Jim Tracy. He is a republican, is currently the Tennessee State Senator from District 16 (which includes Bell Buckle) and won re-election this year.

It's a good thing they weren't running against each other or they might have started throwing empty cola bottles at each other. :)

A MIDSUMMER'S NIGHTMARE

For me, the highlight of the RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival was a was a play starring the locals. It was low budget put on by volunteers, but I liked it as they put in a lot of effort and attention to detail. It had a lot of small town charm that I like. The story was essentially the pairing of Mr. RC Cola and Miss Moon Pie loosely set to Shakespeare's A Midsummer Nights Dream. For no apparent reason, most characters acted their parts while standing in a wading pool.

This guy was one of two stagehand type characters, had some acting responsibilities, but was also responsible for backdrop scene changes.

Several of the kids threw moon pies into the crowd, and then lightly tossed a can of RC

The King in the play was of course played by the town's mayor, Dennis Webb

This was the King's assistant

The Queen was played by the Mayor's wife.

In this scene, the fairy and the Assistant Director character use paper bag puppets

for one scene, the boys were dressed as frogs and the girls were flamingos.

The Courtship of RC Cola and Moon Pie. They're in love and they're two great things that go great together!

In this scene, the evil Ms. Goo-Goo Cluster plots to break up RC Cola and Moon Pie.

The story's antagonist was Ms. Goo-Goo Cluster. Since a Moon Pie isn't fattening, but a Goo-Goo is, she wants to break up RC and Moon Pie, and make the world a more fattening place.

Mr. Coca-Cola is secretly in love with Moon Pie, and works with Ms. Goo-Goo to help break up RC and Moon Pie.

Moon Pie is upset because RC didn't arrive for the date they had planned.

The Queen is thirsty

The Queen wishes to drink RC from the royal goblet, but can't because it is a hole-y grail and all the RC leaks out.

For this scene, the young girls as flamingos and the boys dressed as frogs came back.

A sleepy dust was spread onto RC and he fell asleep on the tree. As Goo-Goo continues the scheme, Puck develops a secret potion that will cause RC to fall in love with the first thing he sees when he wakes up, and it won't be Moon Pie.

RC is so soundly asleep that this is signified by the stage directors to be sawing logs.

Ms. Goo-Goo's plot backfires, and the love potion is actually cast upon Coca-Cola. Coca-Cola falls in love with the first thing he sees, which is Jack Daniels. That's why Coke and Jack go so well together.

Ms. Goo-Goo's plot fails. RC wants to celebrate by having a dance with the Queen of this years festival, Dr. Phyllis Qualls-Brook, who is the Assistant Commissioner of Tennessee Community and Industry Relations.

The king is speaking a riddle, which must be translated, the rest of the cast listen in.

Several try but fail to interpret the king's riddle, such as the boy rapper.

Those who attempt to translate the king's riddle make no sense, thereby confusing the rest of the cast.

Finally someone is found who can interpret the king's riddle. It takes another king to do it. Elvis is ready with his peanut butter and banana.

The Hole-y grail is fixed and enlarged. I'm not really sure the plot explains this part.

For the final number, all the kids are dressed as RC cans and give us their best disco move.

At this point, I know you wish you could see the play for yourself. Well, you're in luck. In between pictures, I shot about 6 minutes of video and put it on youtube. Now, I'm not an expert video director, but hey, it's free.

Even better (but I'm not sure where you can find it) There was a DVD made of the entire festival, and they recorded the entire play, and it only cost me $10.

OLYMPIC GAMES

amid all of the entertainment, they also have several games.

The first contest is the Moon Pie Toss. The gentlemen pictured below are participants in the fine sport of a Confection Distance Thrust.

These are the 1st, second and third place winners from the game of "How far can you throw a moon pie"

The Blue Ribbon 1st place winner in the 80's-style cutoff shorts and pump-it-up reeboks says he came all the way from St. Louis. That's real dedication to participate in a fine sport of confection distance thrust. I'm thinking he undergoes a highly regimented cross-training program for this sort of all year long. I think his throw went about 200 feet and would have gone further if it hadn't have hit a tree branch.

The Red Ribbon 2nd place winner appears like he's trying to look like he's too cool for this.

I asked MariLynn to describe the expression of the daughter of the third place yellow ribbon winner. She said "Been in the sun too long"

This next contest is the RC Cola Dash. The "Dash" part is a little misleading as this was not a speed contest, but more focused on skill and accuracy.

The Rules: Take an open but full RC Cola can and balance it on your head. If you can make it all the way to the finish line (about 20 feet away) without dropping it (or steadying it with your hand - which would be cheating) you go on to round two. In round two, you stack two RC cans on your head. 4 contestants made it past round two onto round 3 stacking 3 RC cans on their head!

In the picture above on the right, on girl dropped her can and it seemed to explode really big.

On to round two with two RC cans stacked.

I've got to hand it to this guy for finding the vintage RC T-shirt!

Now it's on to round three! 5 contestants, all kids, were able to do it with two cans. How far can they get with three cans stacked?

This girl could practically do anything with two cans on her head, such as dance. For whatever reason, she couldn't get three to stay at all.

This girl is your winner! She went all of about 3 feet with three cans stacked up.

The final Olympic contest was an old southern favorite: Watermelon Seed spitting contest. It's not as photogenic of a contest as some of the others, which is why I'm posting all of one picture of it. Most of the contestants were kids, but the tall men were the winners. The girl on the left is just happy to be eating watermelon.

I had to leave before seeing this, but they also every year have the World's Largest Moon Pie, which they cut into small pieces and give to the crowd. Of course there were a bunch of exhibitors, artists and craftsmen selling their wares throughout the day.

100 Things too See at the Fair Outtakes

2008-11-20T04:06:00.001-06:00

100 Things to see at the Fair part 5

2008-11-15T03:43:00.000-06:00

I had a unique opportunity at the 2008 Tennessee State Fair in Nashville, TN. There's so much going on all the time that you can't see everything in just one day. I was able to go multiple days with a pass to get into all of the events. It was difficult to narrow everything down to just 100 pictures. I have divided the photos into groups of 20 so that one blog post isn't too long. Like usual, click on any picture to enlarge.

100 Things to see at the fair #81: Bull judging

When the bulls, and most other animals are judged, the owner leads the bull around the arena. I believe in this contest, the humans were 18 and under.

100 Things to see at the fair #82: Cornucopia

Mixing art with agriculture is the cornucopia contest. The purpose is to design vegetables in some container (usually baskets) and often featuring sunflowers.

100 Things to see at the fair #83: Tropical Illusions

Tropical Illusions is a magic show designed for children of all ages. A volunteer from the audience has been asked to retrieve an animal out of the vase because the host is too afraid to. What's in the vase? Is it a cobra?

100 Things to see at the fair #84: Catfish

Funny Dummy the Ventriloquist had three dummies brought out, and this was the middle one. The hayseed boy is named catfish.

100 Things to see at the fair #85: Monster Truck show

To many people, this is what they came to see, the Monster Trucks. "Bad News Travels Fast." When the show starts off, they race. After they race, each truck is given an opportunity to freestyle, where they run over demolished cars and get their front wheel high in the air.

100 Things to see at the fair #86: Petting Zoo goats

100 Things to see at the fair #87: Magic

In this Tropical Illusions trick, the wife of the host gets in the box and then he puts 5 swords through the box. I hope she turns out o.k.

100 Things to see at the fair #88: Fashion design contest

Another contest in the creative arts building is Dressmaking, as well as fashion design for other types of clothing.

100 Things to see at the fair #89: Krystal Trophy

This is what the Krystal Square-off qualifier Championship Trophy looks like. The winner of this trophy, got to go to Chattanooga for a chance at what I presume is a bigger trophy. To win this, all you had to do was eat 60+ krystals in 8 minutes without cheating too much.

100 Things to see at the fair #90: Stunt Bike

This was part of the Keith King BMX stunt show

100 Things to see at the fair #91: all kinds of goats

100 Things to see at the fair #92: Cloggers

The Southern Country Cloggers spent an hour clogging at the Purity Stage. If you are not familiar with Clogging, it's a type of folk dancing popular in the south. The cloggers wear a special shoe that makes tapping the floor more prominent. There are several Clogging groups in the region and the performers are in all skill ranges, from novice to expert.

100 Things to see at the fair #93: Country Ham demonstration

This was a demonstration and Q&A session on ways to prepare county ham in the Agriculture Bldg. Ham is so salty it doesn't need to be refrigerated. If you look through the door, it's a meat closet.

100 Things to see at the fair #94: Graceful horses

During the "All the Kings Horses" show, each horse had different skills. This one could walk sideways.

100 Things to see at the fair #95 Sheep building

100 Things to see at the fair #96: Talent Show

Children of all ages could participate in the "Fairest of the Fair" Talent show. Unless I'm mistaken, I think this girl did a Shirley Temple routine

On an odd note, I knew one of the judges. I was so trying to get a good shot and she was so in to judging accurately that we didn't notice each other despite being 5 feet apart at times.

100 Things to see at the fair #97: Cake design contest

An elegant wedding cake was the winner, but this was my favorite based on sheer cuteness factor.

100 Things to see at the fair #98: Krystal Square-off Winner

One approach to take when describing this picture is inspirational: Even a diminutive woman can win in the male dominated sport of competitive eating, just as Juliet Lee did here at the Nashville Qualifying round of the 2008 Krystal Square-Off. As she holds up her trophy she smiles for the camera, which is ESPN.

However the real story here is she was declared the winner after controversy. I documented the story as the caption of my photo of her eating here:
flickr.com/photos/brent_nashville/2925735717/
Essentially, she started as a crowd favorite because a petite woman was competing with the big boys, but her eating was half of the burger not reaching her mouth. Look at the grease-soaked shirt!

Hello to anyone who found this photo on EatFeats.com
eatfeats.com/link-buffet-november-9-2008.html

100 Things to see at the fair #99: Midway slide

Here's something on the midway that parents and children can enjoy together. You get a potato sack and climb the stairs to the top of the slide.

100 Things to see at the fair #100: Randall's Racing Pigs

An advantage to spending 4 full days at the fair like I did is that you can see certain events at non-peak times. Every time I'd seen the pig races in the past, there was a huge crowd, but on this day, I was able to get right where I wanted to be.

Unfortunately, right where I wanted to be was the wrong place because for the first time that I had seen, Randall made the track clockwise, whereas I was expecting it to be counterclockwise. I got some great shots of pig butts as they ran away from me. Lucky for me, with only 50 people in attendance, I could easily make it to the other side and setup for the shot I wanted the first time on the second race.

100 Things to see at the Fair part 4

2008-11-10T03:15:00.000-06:00

33071

My Totally Worthless 2008 Election Guide

2008-10-31T02:16:00.002-05:00

(sung to the tune of Sesame Street's "Who are the people in your neighborhood")

Who are Candidates in your ballot box?
in your ballot box?
in your ball.....ot box?
Who are those others in your ballot box?
They are easy to defeat,
And a few of them are freaks.
They're the people who won't win today!
------------------------------------------
Over the last few months, all of the Presidential election attention has been focused on McCain and Obama, and for good reason, since they're going to account for about 99% of the vote. However, for those of you that don't like either McCain or Obama or want to be pragmatic and pick the lesser of two evils, yet still desire to exercise your right to vote, have no fear. Whether it's Bob Barr or Cynthia McKinney, or somewhere in between, there's a candidate for you!

At this point, if you feel the need to vote for either Obama or McCain but still can't decide, I can't help you. Everything you've ever wanted to know about either one is out there already. This guide is more for the purpose of mentioning all of those other names that will appear on your ballot, some of which have good ideas for the country and others who don't deserve anybody's vote. If after reading this guide, just one person has decided who to vote for, then I have failed, because my goal is simply to entertain! If I unfairly state a candidates position, get over it; this is the worthless election guide. I'm not trying to be fair to anybody. For most of the candidates, I've picked a few of their positions, usually looking for stuff that is original, or in a few cases, downright stupid.

-------------------------------------
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Las Vegas Odds
Scouting Reports
Injury Updates
Current BCS rankings
Coaches Top 25 Poll results
Updates and Information for fantasy and rotisserie political leagues
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------------------------------------
Candidates and Parties you may have heard of:

Bob Barr, Libertarian Party
Out of all of the 3rd party candidates who are running this year, or who have ever run, here's a candidate who has actually won something before. He was elected 4 times as U.S. Congressman from Georgia, so he's actually got a little bit of Washington experience, and wouldn't completely bomb as a president. He's a disenfranchised Republican who is hoping to get votes from other conservatives who don't like McCain. He probably ends up as the biggest loser from when McCain picked Palin as his running mate, since there were a bunch of other disenfranchised republicans that were seriously thinking about voting for him but were then fired up about the Palin VP Pick. Frankly, a bunch of Republicans would still vote for him if it weren't for the fact he wants to pull the military out of Iraq.

Barr narrowly defeated Wayne Allen Root for the Party's nomination, and Root became the VP candidate instead. Root also is a former Republican, who owns a sports gambling business in Las Vegas. He married a beauty queen and owns a tv production company "Cool Hand Root." His life might make for the coolest candidate if Palin wasn't running.

Some of the issues:
Would pull out of Iraq, because it costs too much.
Abolish the U.S. Department of Education
Eliminate the Income tax
Repeal the law allowing anchor babies from having automatic U.S. citizenship.

Other Libertarians who didn't win: Harry Brown from Tennessee, Ron Paul, Michael Badnarik

Cynthia McKinney, Green Party
In 2000, for those of you who didn't think Al Gore spent enough time focusing on saving the Environment, Ralph Nader and the Green Party was for you. For whatever reason, Ralph Nader didn't leave the Green Party, but the Green Party left him. Maybe it's because there was another former U.S. Congressman from Georgia that wanted to run for President this year.
McKinney is as far left as Barr is far right. She spent some of her time in congress leading the charge that President Bush was responsible for the 9-11 attacks, tried to Impeach Bush, Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice, and tried to get Congress to investigate the murder of Tupac Shakur. She also believes the U.S. government dumped the bodies of 5000 political prisoners killed by a single gunshot in a Louisiana swamp using Hurricane Katrina as cover.
She made national headlines in 2006 when she was involved in an incident with Capitol Hill police when she went around the metal detectors (as congressmen and women are allowed) and the policeman didn't recognize her. Then the policeman laid the smackdown on her.
She's been endorsed by Roseanne Barr (who's not related to Bob).

Some of the issues:
All of our domestic policy should be controlled by the U.N.
Allow Hawaii's independence from the US.
Stop all Nuclear power
Raise gasoline taxes based on how many MPG the car gets

Other Green Party Candidates that didn't win: Ralph Nader, David Cobb

Ted Weill, Reform Party
It's the political party started by Ross Perot in 1992, and had the best showing of any third party candidate in recent memory. The party did it's best to be the party of moderates, and actually had a candidate win a prominent race, when Jesse Ventura became Minnesota's Governor. However, the party has fallen on hard times. In 2000, two candidates tried to secure the nomination of the moderate party because the candidate would get a bunch of free government money. one candidate was far right and one far left. Now it's 2008 and their website doesn't even have the name Ted Weill on it.

Some of the issues:
Whatever you believe, we believe it too - Join our party.
Wants to appear on the ballot in all 50 states (This year, they're only in Mississippi).
Privatize the TVA.
Institute term limits to the U.S. House and Senate members.

Other Reformers that didn't win: Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader

Chuck Baldwin, Constitution Party
Guess who's endorsed by Ron Paul? This guy! He's also the third person mentioned here on the parade of people who used to be Republicans. (It's a long line.) He's even gone so far as comparing Bush to Hitler, something that you'll typically only hear from the left. He's a preacher and a talk show radio host in Florida, and that was enough for him to defeat Alan Keyes for the party's nomination. The centerpiece of his platform is that no foreign government should own any U.S. property. He will appear on the ballot as the candidate from the Constitution Party in 19 states, the Alaskan Independence Party in Alaska, the Kansas Reform Party in Kansas, the U.S. Taxpayers Party in Michigan, The Nebraska Independence Party in Nebraska and unaffiliated in 27 states.

Some of the issues:
Eliminate the Food and Drug Administration.
Raise tariffs on all imported goods.
Pull out of NAFTA.
Says he could overturn Roe V. Wade as President.

Other Constitution Party Candidates that didn't win: Michael Peroutka, Howard Phillips

Ralph Nader
Ralph Nader is unsafe at any speed. Actually, that was the name of his first book, "Unsafe at Any Speed" where he first came to national prominence by talking about how the Chevy Corvair would kill you. From there, he was known as an accomplished consumer advocate, which is probably more impressive than what Obama has ever done as a community organizer. After being asked to run for President all the way back in 1972, he finally gave in to the demand in 2000 and ran as the Green Party candidate, and then felt the love from the Reform Party in 2004.
When he was running in 2000, there was a rather large outcry that he was stealing votes from Al Gore. In fact, when Bush won the state of Florida over Gore, the margin was 537 votes. Nader got 97,000 votes in Florida and presumably most of those voters would have gone to Gore if Nader wasn't a choice. Some people say that Nader didn't actually think he got that many votes in Florida and somehow the Republicans stole the election by having a bunch of Gore votes counted as Nader votes instead.
In 2000, someone showed me a website called NaderTrader. The point was if you were a Nader fan, you'd still want Gore to defeat Bush nationally. Nader fans in battleground states would trade their votes with Gore fans in strong democrat states. For instance, a Nader fan in Tennessee would vote for Gore and a Gore fan in Massachusetts would take the trade and vote for Nader. I didn't have an interest in voting for either, but I thought about signing up just so I could screw up somebody else.
So, what party is Nader running as this year? He's on the Independent Party in CT, HI, DE, MD and NM, The Peace and Freedom Party in Iowa, California and Utah, Populist Party in New York, Ecology Party in Florida, The Peace Party in Oregon and the Natural Law party in Michigan. He's not listed with a party in 34 states and is write-in in the other 4. There will be a test on this later. All in all, he is the non-republican-or-democrat likely to get the most votes.

Some of the issues:
Really, really cut the military budget.
Wants to be in the presidential debates (in fact, on his website, he has youtube videos of him answering the actual debate questions).
Start a Carbon pollution Tax and a tax on Securities speculation.
Set up a system for nationwide ballot referendums.

Alan Keyes, America's Independent Party
Alan Keyes does not give up. In 1988 and then in 1992, he ran unsuccessfully as a Republican for Maryland's US Senate seat, but of course it's a highly democratic state. Focusing his attention on the Presidency, he's tried to win the Republican Nomination in 1996, 2000 and again in 2008. He even made it into one of the debates this year. Keyes also already has experience losing big to Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race and will bring that experience to lose big to Obama on the National stage. When he didn't win the nomination of the Constitution Party, he then started America's Independent Party (not to be confused with the American Independent Party, although the two eventually merged). He has always had a small but loyal group of followers and is another former Republican who hopes to draw votes from the conservatives who won't vote for McCain. All in all, he's sort of a fiscal libertarian, strong national defense and social conservative.

Some of the Issues
Pro-Life is the most important issue, and the national director of American Right to Life is the VP choice.
Wants a Marriage protection amendment.
repeal McCain/Feingold.
repeal the 17th amendment which lets the people vote for Senators, instead of Senators being chosen by a state's legislature.

Candidates and Parties you probably haven't heard of:

Gene Amondson, Prohibition Party
A long, long time ago in a political era far, far away, the Prohibition Party was prominent on the American political landscape. As you might guess, the sole focus of the party is to outlaw the sale and consumption of alcoholic beverages. These were some of the people who were behind the 18th amendment which banned the sale and manufacturing of alcohol. This, of course, proved to be very unpopular in the country and was repealed with the 21st amendment, causing the party to dwindle in numbers, because by then it was an unpopular concept. According to him, though, those 13 years were the best years of our country. He says our prisons were empty, illiteracy was low, the US balanced the budget and nobody suffered from cirrhosis of the liver.
Despite the narrow focus of their political platform and a small number of adherents, the party still managed to find a way to split in 2003, with a second party forming under the name National Prohibition Party. Earl Dodge had been the candidate for 5 strait elections and in 2000 received a grand total of 208 votes. In 2004 Gene Amondson stepped in to save the party and at least triple the vote count. When the two explosive personalities decided there wasn't enough room for the both of them in the one party, they split. (side note: The 2004 convention was held at the Tennessee resort Fairfield Glade.) In 04, Gene did indeed up the vote totals, with 1,944. In his spare time, he paints and sells those paintings on his campaign website or he can officiate your wedding.

some of the issues:
95% of all violent crime is alcohol related
Death penalty for repeat DUI offenders.
Alcohol is the biggest spreader of AIDS.
Would ban tobacco, gambling and pornography.
Newt Gingrich would be his top adviser.
Is looking for a wife, if you're interested.

Other Prohibitionists that didn't win: Silas Swallow [insert joke here], John St. John, Herbert Hoover

Róger Calero, Socialist Workers Party
As you might imagine, This is a far-left leaning candidate from a far-left leaning party. He wants to be your president, but there's one teeny, tiny little problem: He wasn't actually born in America. You may have heard of the Constitution; it's an old document that says how our government is run and stuff. One of the lines in the constitution says you have to be born an American citizen to run for President. Thankfully, some five states haven't actually read the Constitution and have allowed Calero (born in Nicaragua) on the Ballot. Sadly, some other 9 states have read the Constitution and won't allow Calero on the ballot, so in those states James Harris will appear on the ballot in his place. Calero is the first presidential candidate who was at one time deported. The website for this happy little political campaign is TheMilitant.com

Some of the issues:
Make all immigrants legalized citizens.
Normalize US relations with Cuba.
Stop cop brutality.
Nationalize the entire energy industry.

Other Socialist Workers who didn't win: Peter Camejo, Farrell Dobbs, Linda Jenness

Charles Jay, Boston Tea Party
Now, there's a name for a Political Party! He is a disenfranchised Libertarian, probably since he couldn't run at the top of their ticket. In 2004, he ran for president on the Personal Choice Party, where he got on the ballot in one state, Utah. Despite the fact that his VP was a porn star in the 70's, he amassed 946 votes, third from last. In 2008, he's at it again on the brand new Boston Tea Party where he's now on three states, including Tennessee. For those of you who think the Libertarians have strayed too far from their original ideals, this may be your guy.

Some of the issues:
Slogan: Party like it's 1773!
Legalize Marijuana and hemp.
Immediate withdrawal from Iraq
Yearly increase of Federal income tax exemptions

Gloria La Riva, Party for Socialism and Liberation
Gloria is no stranger to losing as a 3rd party candidate on the national stage, running most of the time as a candidate for the Workers World Party. If you haven't caught on yet, most of the third party candidates are either far-far-far right and make republicans look like Big Government folks by comparison or far-far-far left and make Democrats look like relatively tax-cutting warmongers. It should be no surprise that Gloria is a far-far-far left Marxist. Among her contributions to society is translating Fidel Castro's books into English.
In 2004, the Worker's World Party split apart and the Party for Socialism and Liberation was born. In 2008, she tried to get the nomination of the Peace and Freedom Party in California, but that went to Ralph Nader. Lucky for Californians, there will be no lack of Socialists on their ballot. There's one to fit every need. The VP candidate is Michael Prysner, an anti-war Iraq war veteran. For what it's worth, the Worker's World Party is not running a candidate this year and throwing their support to Cynthia McKinney.

Some of the issues:
Stop Capitalism, which is ruining everybody's life.
Minimum Wage should be $15 an hour.
One full year of paid maternity leave.
Give Puerto Rico its independence.

Brian Moore (no relation), Socialist Party USA
If you were hoping for more socialists than you could shake a stick at, your dream is starting to come true. In the past, in various elections, he's run as a Democrat, a Republican, the Green Party, and Now calls the Socialist Party his home. In Vermont, he'll appear on the Liberty Union Party.

Some of the issues:
Abolish the FBI, CIA and the NSA, cut military spending in half, only go to war after the U.S. citizens vote for it and unionize the armed forces.
6 weeks paid vacation and 30 hour work week for everyone.
Retirement age set at 55.
Lower the voting age to 15, and let prisoners vote.
Government should run the pharmaceutical industry.
eliminate use of pesticides and genetically engineered crops.

Other Socialists that didn't win: Frank Zeidler, Willa Kenoyer, J. Quinn Brisben

Thomas Stevens, Objectivist Party
Ever read Ayn Rand and her philosophy of Objectivism? If you answered yes, then you have something in common with Thomas Stevens. He agrees with the philosophy so much that on Ayn Rand's birthday this year (which is also groundhog day and my dad's birthday) he started the Objectivist Party, and is running on the principles set forth in her book, which is essentially another form of Libertarianism. One minor detail sticking point here is that Rand is on record objecting to Libertarian candidates or an Objectivist party. Oh well, maybe a party can be formed based on the works of George Orwell. Realistically, most of the electorate can't be counted on to read "Atlas Shrugged" when choosing a candidate.

Some of the issues:
Ok. I read over their platform and I really can't get a grasp on what they're saying. The socialists have clear concise bullet points defining their agenda but the objectivists get their platform by cut-and-pasting paragraphs from Rand quotes.

Jonathan Allen, HeartQuake
HeartQuake? That doesn't sound like the name of a political party, but it sounds more like the name of an 80's hair band. He bills himself as a non-partisan independent, whereas Democrats and Republicans would never get anything accomplished, a career non-politician needs to step up to the plate and show 'em how it's done. He gives himself the nickname "The People's President." He will appear on the ballot only in Colorado.

Some of the issues:
Have the government completely set up the alternative energy infrastructure.
Tax cuts for stay at home moms.
Grants to provide broadband internet to rural communities.
Pull the troops out of Iraq so they can defend us at home.

George Phillies, Libertarian Party
Since the baseball team from the city of Philadelphia (known by the nickname of "Phillies" won the World Series this year of 2008, Candidate George could probably sell his website Phillies2008.org for when he loses his candidacy for president. Unlike Bob Barr and Wayne Allen Root, he's not a disenfranchised Republican looking for a new home; George has been a Libertarian for a long time. When seeking the party's nomination, he wasn't happy that he, a true Libertarian, lost to the party newcomers. Neither were party leaders of New Hampshire, who got him on the ballot in addition to Bob Barr. Not happy about this, the Barr campaign sued the N.H. Sec. of State to remove Phillies from the ballot. The N.H. Sec. of State said that both candidates filed proper paperwork to be on the ballot, and it wasn't his problem. Since that time, the Phillies campaign has spent more time attacking Barr that McCain and Obama, like most other 3rd party candidates. One recent attack was when Barr spent 7% of the money he's raised on Limosine services.

Some of the Issues:
Will not cut taxes until the national debt is erased.
Legalize industrial hemp.
When being sworn in, would place his hand on the Constitution instead of a Bible.
Associate a $5000 per year tax credit for every child to be used for education.
Allow people to opt out of Social Security.

Jeff Boss, Vote Here
Jeff Boss has a website, jeffbossforpresident.org, written in ALL CAPS. I'm reading it so you don't have to. He claims to have witnessed proof that our government was behind 9-11, and if he becomes president, he'll tell us who from the NSA was responsible. If you live in New Jersey, You'll be able to vote for him for President and for the Senate. Oh, and he's also filed an injunction to stop the general election because the NSA is preventing him from having a fair election. He's suing for $400 million. (He's also accepting campaign contributions.) He continues by saying 100 different NSA agents told him the NSA is poisoning cigarettes, and there is an NSA operative in every restaurant to poison food. The NSA tried to kill him twice. He also points out he is the first Jewish Presidential candidate.

Some of the issues:
Bring home all of the troops from Iraq, except some to guard the oil.
Replace electronic voting machines with paper ballots.
quote: "Some type of tax reform"
provide checks and balances on the NSA.
Use NSA satellites to stop illegal immigration and to look for children who are missing.
Government employees should not have to pay federal taxes.

Richard Duncan
He will appear on the ballot only in Ohio this year. He is an urban planner who once argued before the Ohio Supreme Court. He's run for things before, but the only election he ever won was high school freshman class vice president.

some of the issues:
Stay in Iraq but find ways to cut costs.
build a rail system between cities to cut down on auto traffic.
Provide health care to the middle class who needs it most.
maybe a border fence.

Bradford Lyttle, United States Pacifist Party
He and Abraham Bassford make up another ticket that will be on the ballot in Colorado. He's been running each year from his party since 1984. For those of us who are mathematically inclined, he has been kind enough on his website to tell us when our untimely Apocalypse is coming using this formula: AP=1-[1-P]^TxN. Essentially, we need world peace or we're going to bomb each other out of existence. Lucky for him he doesn't publish his home address on his website, or anyone could go rob the place without fear of being harmed.

some of the isues:
Abolish the selective service.
Reduce the military budget to zero.
in favor of one world government.
give a negative income tax rate to the poor (so that they receive money).
completely open borders.

Frank McEnulty
Showing up as the vice presidential candidate of the Reform Party alongside Ted Weill this year just isn't good enough for Frank. He also shows up as a presidential candidate in Colorado, where it's starting to appear as the easiest state in the country to show up on the ballot, apparently. His VP choice, Mark B Graham did appear to be running as a presidential candidate somewhere else. His slogan is "Anything is possible in America." (For $30, you can get that slogan on a T-shirt from his website, frankforpresident.org.) However, what isn't possible is winning the presidency when you only appear on the ballot in one state.

some of the issues:
Taxes shouldn't be lowered or raised. They're juuuuuuust right.
Against a Constitutional Amendment to stop flag burning, taking the approach that if nobody pays attention to flag burners, the problem will go away on it's own.
Death penalty, gun rights and prayer in school should be decided on the state level and not by the federal government.

John Joseph Polachek, New Party
Looking for a candidate that doesn't stand for anything? John Joseph might be your guy. John happens to be the 2nd Chicagoan to be running for president this year. (Well, third if you count Hillary.) So, a funny thing happened on the way to the Illinois Election Commission. He filed notarized paperwork and a petition with the Illinois state board of elections. Illinois state law requires petitions have to have 25,000 signatures on them to be listed on the ballot, and, Oops!, his petition had zero signatures on it, not even his own. However, Illinois state law also requires another candidate or party (presumably a Republican or Democrat) to challenge the notarized paperwork. Oops! Nobody actually challenged the petition with no names on it. Viola, John Joseph, whoever he might be, is now one 7 candidates appearing on the Illinois ballot, and nobody's even certain he's a real person. He can't be any worse than some of the other clowns who are running. Who's with me?

Ron Paul, Louisiana Taxpayers Party
OK, you already know who Ron Paul is. When the Ron Paul Revolution didn't fully revolute to win the Republican Party nomination, he endorsed Chuck Baldwin instead of running in the general election, partially so he could focus in re-winning his seat in congress. That didn't stop the Louisiana Taxpayers Party from placing him on the ballot after all. The nominated VP is the son of a former Republican presidential nominee, a Californian congressman himself, Barry Goldwater Jr. They've been running TV ads claiming their ticket will "Smack Down the Blood Suckers." They'll also sell the ad to your candidate and replace Paul's picture with your candidate for $100.

Not on the ballot? No Problem!
Each of these candidates are running strictly as write-in candidates

Donald K. Allen
He might be the only former professional horseshoer running for President. He focuses on stopping Political Contributions.

some of the issues:
would appoint a Secretary of Agriculture who would stop puppy mills.
Any U.S. Citizen unhappy living here should be offered $25,000 to leave and never come back.
All elected official should be subject to random drug testing.
Every Saturday, have a Purple Heart recipient spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom.

Santa Claus
Yes Virginia (and 15 other states), there is a Santa Claus, and he's running for President. However, it's not the Santa Claus, silly! It's actually the Santa Claus of Incline Village, Nev., who legally changed his name from Thomas O'Connor in 2005. While he doesn't actually appear on any ballot, he registered as a write-in candidate in 16 different states. He's got a website, Santaslink.net, as well as this spiffy youtube video where he announces his candidacy.

Some of the issues:
His primary focus is to help neglected and abused children.
Replace the federal income tax with a consumption tax. That's on a lot of people's wish list!
More nuclear power.

Leonard Habermehl
When asked why he's running, he answered, "I'm over 35 and I'm a citizen, so why not." He is a Maintenance machinest who registered as a write-in candidate in Kentucky. To do that, one must pay a $50 filing fee and provide a list of the 8 people you'd want as your electors. He knows he won't win, but if he did, he'd try to be like Harry Truman. His VP is an old Air Force buddy from Dallas. The issue most important to him is stopping illegal immigration, but to allow immigrants a path to citizenship by serving in the military or a public works program.

Thaddaus Hill, Madisonian-Federalist Party
Along with VP choice Gordon Bailey, he is a write-in candidate in Texas. The key to his campaign is he is running as a Strict Constructionist in the mold of James Madison.

Keith Russell Judd
Do you already feel like all politicians are crooks? If so, you can vote for one candidate who is already in prison. That way, you already know what you're getting. Judd has been locked up in Beaumont Texas since 1999 and is scheduled for release in 2013. With a lot of free time on his hand, and a little bit of money, he researched how to get his name on the ballot in different states. He picked 14 states to fill out paperwork and send in the necessary filing fee to be an official write-in candidate. Half of the states declined his filing, but he was able to actually get on the Democrat primary ballot, along with Clinton and Obama. On the forms, he listed his campaign office phone number as the tip line for the local Beaumont newspaper. He's tried this before, and in 2004, he got 0 votes. For obvious reasons, he isn't actively campaigning and he doesn't have a campaign website, but I suspect that if elected, his first priority would be to pardon himself.

Don Cordell
"How can I smile when America is in trouble?" Don asks this question at the beginning of his webpage. My response is "How can I read your website when you change the font typeface and the colors from red to blue so often?" How can I smile when you drone on and on about the New World Order and the Trilateral Commission? He falls into the category of knowing just enough html code to be dangerous. He also makes the case that George Bush (the first one) ordered the Assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan since John Hinkley was a family friend. Lots of good stuff.

Some of the issues:
Will stop the CIA from importing illegal drugs.
Increase Jury duty pay.
retake the Panama Canal.
Setup a second highway system so we have one for semi-trucks and the other one for the rest of us.
Anyone found writing graffiti can be shot with guns loaded with rock salt.

Ronald E. Gascon
Has run in the past under the pseudonym John Galt Jr. In 2004, he raised all of his campaign funds by asking supporters to send him a $2 bill. 57 people did.

Some of the issues:

Limit ATM fees to $1.
See if radio towers can be converted to windmills.
Change driving age to 18.
The only candidate that composts.
Teachers don't need to make more money because waitresses make a lot less money.
lower the legal drinking age to 18 (just in time to start driving!)
legalize medical marijuana.
Neither pro-life or pro-choice.

Jack Grimes, United Fascist
For the third time, he is running for president so that if he were elected, he could govern using the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein. But then, I suppose our military would have to overthrow him, I guess. He thinks he would make an ideal president because he came from nothing, and isn't that what the American dream is all about? Plus, he has a cool helmet!

Some of the issues:
Rule the entire Earth using a military Dictatorship
Abolish paper money and replace it with Transferable Work Point Cards.
Establish a Universal Price Index to set the price on rent, cars, etc...
Not require vehicle emissions testing.
Strict censorship on the press.
Plans to run again in 2012.
Build a flood wall by the river that runs near his house.

RC "Rob" Jorgensen
He'd like it, if you choose to vote for him with your write-in vote to write "In Rob We Trust." He points out that Bush is the 43rd President and he is 44 years old. Coincidence? I think so. He also talks about how the 9-11 terrorists were mind controlled using nano-technology. He also wrote a letter to the Pope to get him to tell Mexicans to not flood into America illegally. His National defense strategy is called Vidal Onion.

some of the issues:
replace the Latin words on the dollar with "Diversity is our strength"
Send Bush to the Hague to pay for his war crimes.
Build more cars to use Hydrogen Fuel

Frank Moore (no relation)
He was born with Cerebral Palsy and has spent the last several decades as a performance artist, and is best known for his controversial obscene art that was funded by the NEA in the early 90's.

some of the issues:
No Welfare or Social Security, and instead everyone will get a check for $1,000 from the government. Free health care. Free mass transit. Free education. And he is pro-business.
Election Day will be a paid holiday.
Taxpayers can choose what their taxes will go to pay for.
Pot should be legalized, taxed, and sold over-the-counter. Will also provide free substance abuse programs from the government.

Can't get enough? There's more...
At this point, if you still feel like you're lacking the candidate you need, you're just nuts and I can't help you. Well, actually I can help you as there are still a few more candidates you can look up on your own time:

Steve Adams Common Sense for Uncommon Times
Blake Ashby At least he tells the truth.
John K. Bootie The next Lincoln-Reagan
Clark Braxton For a future worth living.
Richard H. Clark Take back America!
Orion Karl Daley (Balanced Party)
Christopher J. Dardzinski Promoting serious debate on the Federal Reserve System
Michael David Elder Goal to replace the Constitution and make us an Imperial Republic.
Cris Ericson (Marijuana Party)
Nick Farmer
Quay Fortuna
Mark B Graham Are you ready for a change
Brian Holland Hope for American Patriots
Bill Ingram
Daniel Kingery
Steve Kissing Put a square in the Oval Office
David Koch
William Koenig
"Pee Wee" Lloyd-Duffle
Brad Lord-Leutwyler
Joe Martyniuk $2 Gasoline for Christmas
Charles T. Maxham (Give Me Back America Party)
James H McCall
Tom Millican Return America to excellence
Robert Milnes The Green Libertarian Progressive!
James Mote
Arthur J.Regan
"Average Joe" Schriner ...Imagine That!
Edward N. Schwarz (Youth International Party) Abbie Hoffman inspired Yippie
Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey(Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party) "Impale George Bush"
Diane Templin (The American Party)
Da Vid (Light Party) the Holistic New Paradigm Party
Lanakila Washington (Humanistic Party)
Jerry White (Socialist Equality Party)
Ruth Bryant White More than a woman presidential campaign
Kelcey Wilson

Too cheap to spring for a website; Campaigning from MySpace:
Desmond Ravenstone
Charles Symonds

Can't even do that; No web presence whatsoever:
Lawson Mitchell Bone (From Tennessee); Ted Brown, Sr.; James D. Criveau; Michael L. Faith; John Greenspon; Yonyuth Hongsakaphadana; RaeDeen R. Heupel; Ronald G. Hobbs; Paul Jensen; Lou Kujawski; Kevin Mottus; Gary Nettles; John Leroy Plemons; David Jon Sponheim; Lynne A. Starr; Blaine Taylor

Parties not running a candidate this year:
America First Party is endorsing Bob Barr and Chuck Baldwin
American Heritage Party
American Patriot Party endorsed Chuck Baldwin.
American Reform Party.
The Centrist Party.
Communist Party USA didn't endorse Obama, but they really like him.
Independent American Party endorsed Chuck Baldwin.
Independence Party of America endorsed McCain.
Jefferson Republican Party (they ran a candidate for TN Governor in '06, nobody for president)
Labor Party
Libertarian National Socialist Green Party (Nazi.org)
Moderate Party
Modern Whig Party
National Socialist Movement endorsed Brian Holland
New Union Party
Populist Party of America
Working Families Party endorsed Obama

And finally...
You could always vote for me!

32598

100 Things to see at the fair part 3

2008-10-27T00:32:00.002-05:00

I had a unique opportunity at the 2008 Tennessee State Fair in Nashville, TN. There's so much going on all the time that you can't see everything in just one day. I was able to go multiple days with a pass to get into all of the events. It was difficult to narrow everything down to just 100 pictures. I have divided the photos into groups of 20 so that one blog post isn't too long. Like usual, click on any picture to enlarge.

100 Things to see at the fair #41: Frog

By now, I don't even remember why there was a small tank with a frog in the Agriculture Building. I was just happy he was front and center for me.

100 Things to see at the fair #42: Before the jump

This was taken right before the big jump, which is seen here.

100 Things to see at the fair #43: African Acrobats

100 Things to see at the fair #44: Spinning Wool

This lady was one of the nicest ladies I had the pleasure to meet at the fair. She and her husband had brought some of their prized sheep to show. Well after the judging was complete, she took wool sheared from their own sheep, dyed it the blue-ish color and she was spinning it when I got there.

100 Things to see at the fair #45: Quilting Demonstration

At the fair, the Volunteer Village is made up of several different artisans demonstrating their craft. The Quiltmaking lady, along with her husband, the grist mill operator, has come from Kentucky for several years in a row. She is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

100 Things to see at the fair #46: Blue & Yellow Macaw

The Blue and Yellow Macaw was the second bird to appear with the Tropical Illusions magic show. Here's the other.

100 Things to see at the fair #47: Tractor Pull

For those of you who've never seen a tractor pull, here's how it works in a nutshell. Hitched to the back of the red tractor it a second vehicle that probably has some technical name, but I'll call it "is to be pulled." To signify that the "is to be pulled" is hooked up properly, it turns on the wide green light. Then, when the tractor is ready, it begins to rev up and the white smoke emitting from it turn dark gray. Once the tractor starts to go and crosses the starting line, the cabin on the "is to be pulled" glides forward on top of the flatbed. Once the cabin reaches the end, they measure how far the tractor has pulled it. Then they spend 5 minutes towing the tractor away while they smooth out the dirt track for the next one. I wish I could say it was entertaining, but it wasn't my thing.

100 Things to see at the fair #48: Ferris Wheel

100 Things to see at the fair #49: Baton Twirlers

The Tennessee Twirlers were amazing to watch. Unfortunately, the action photos I took of the twirlers were not so interesting.

If you want to twirl, classes are starting, so call now. :)

100 Things to see at the fair #50: Thunderbolt

The Thunderbolt is one of those rides that goes faster than you think it will, and if you're expecting a very calm ride, it isn't.

For this ride, I set up the camera to focus in tight on one spot in the sun, and just held down the rapid-fire-take-a-picture-over-and-over mode as the riders kept whizzing by. This mother and daughter constantly had the best facial expressions each time they passed by.

100 Things to see at the fair #51 Riverboat Jim

Out at Volunteer Village, Riverboat Jim is a singer and Mark-Twain-esque storyteller. At the time of this picture, he was singing Oh, Susanna.

100 Things to see at the fair #52: Sleepy Kid

"Kid" as in 5-day-old baby goat. One thing I like about barnyard animals is they sleep in piles and use each other as pillows. I guess that is learned early.

If you think this is cute, watch the video I posted on youtube of what this fella was doing 30 minutes earlier.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXU7mKMEtB8

100 Things to see at the fair #53: Horse shed

The last two sheds at the fair are for horses and mules. I'd never seen horses look as affectionate as these did. Soon after this picture was taken, they both scooted back a few feet and eventually tried to lick each other through the fencing.

100 Things to see at the fair #54: Pottery Demonstration

Volunteer Village is made up of all kinds of Arts and Crafts.

100 Things to see at the fair #55: Model Train display

100 Things to see at the fair #56: Llama

This Llama was in the petting Zoo. Be careful, they spit!

100 Things to see at the fair #57: Powersurge

Powersurge is a newer ride, and perhaps the most popular based on the long lines of people willing to pay $6.25 (or 5 tickets) to ride it. I had trouble counting all the ways it spins a person. It also has brilliant lights turned on later in the day.

100 Things to see at the fair #58: Breadmaking contest

Fleischmann's Yeast sponsors a breadmaking contest, one of the lesser known contests at the fair. Hidden Valley Ranch sponsors a salad-making contest, too.

100 Things to see at the fair #59: Booker and Eric "The Red"

I discussed Eric "Badlands" Booker, on the left, in this previous photo. This photo was taken soon after the 8 minute contest was over.

Eric "The Red" Denmark takes his nickname from Eric "The Red" Torvaldsson, a viking. However, it is an apt description for his eating style, which made him the grossest competitive eater to watch. He brings with him a red colored liquid, and he dunks all of his food in the red liquid, which is permitted in the rules. In addition, during the contest, there was always a piece of red-colored Krystal hanging out of his mouth. I did take pictures of that and you should thank me for not posting them here.

Hello to anyone who found this photo here:
eatfeats.com/link-buffet-october-20-2008.html

100 Things to see at the fair #60: bike flips

Many of the stuntbikers were able to go up the ramp into the air and do a flip, but only if you cheered really loud for them

32488

100 Things to see at the fair part 2

2008-10-13T14:44:00.003-05:00

I had a unique opportunity at the 2008 Tennessee State Fair in Nashville, TN. There's so much going on all the time that you can't see everything in just one day. I was able to go multiple days with a pass to get into all of the events. It was difficult to narrow everything down to just 100 pictures. I have divided the photos into groups of 20 so that one blog post isn't too long. Like usual, click on any picture to enlarge.

100 Things to see at the fair #21: Insect display

Inside the agriculture building was a wide-ranging display of an insect and bug collection. If you've ever wondered what a Swallowtail, an Imperial Moth, or an Assassin Bug look like, here's your chance. Unfortunately, they also had cave crickets.

100 Things to see at the fair #22: Grist Mill Demonstration

In the Volunteer Village, a demonstration is given showing how grain is ground into flour using a modern gristmill. The ground flour comes down the blue chute and fine flour falls into the red box, while the larger grain falls into the pile on the left.

The operator is sifting through the flour to make sure it is good, and then will scoop it into bags which he sells.

100 Things to see at the fair #23: High Diver

The pinnacle of the Sinbad Diving Pirate Show is when one of the pirates climbs to the top of the platform and dives into the pool below.

100 Things to see at the fair #24: Omega Force

Omega Force is a collection of people who do feats of extraordinary strength while promoting their love of Jesus. In this scene, the man on top weightlifts a several hundred pound log while the lower man supports him while on top of a bed of nails.

100 Things to see at the fair #25: Petting Zoo pig

In the petting zoo, there were two young black Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs

100 Things to see at the fair #26: Tropical Illusions bird

Tropical Illusions is an animal themed magic show for the family. Before the show starts, this bird does a trick. (If you know what kind of Macaw or Parrot this is, please help me out!) This bird is perched on a stick. the host had an empty water bottle tied to the end of a rope hanging from the stick, and dropped a fruit loop into the water bottle. The bird uses his feet to slide the rope through his feet so that he could reach the water bottle with his beak. He leans backwards to let the fruit loop fall into his mouth. He then dunks the fruit loop into the water dish so that he could eat it.

100 Things to see at the fair #27: Leather Guitar

One of the contests in the Creative Arts building is Leathercraft. The Blue Ribbon winner was a guitar made out of leather. If you look closely, there are 4 midstate logos on the guitar. The first you'll notice is the Tennessee Flag. To its left is a Columbia Mule Day logo. Below that is a Tennessee Walking Horse. To the right of that one is the Grand Ole Opry.

100 Things to see at the fair #28: Wave Swinger at Night

100 Things to see at the fair #29: Audad

Yes, this was labeled in the Petting Zoo as an Audad, and no, I hadn't heard of it either. Googling it found that the more common spelling is Aoudad. Googling that took me to the Wikipedia page where I find the more common name is Barbary Sheep, and I suppose I may have heard of those before. Even though it is called sheep, it is more similar to a goat or an antelope, and they originally come from northern Africa. This fella was anxiously waiting for you to pet him.

100 Things to see at the fair #30: Bumper Boats

This girl and her younger brother were having fun on the bumper boats. He would steer while she sat back and relaxed as best one could in an impact prone hyrda-vehicle.

In case of fire, thank goodness there's an extinguisher nearby.

100 Things to see at the fair #31: Chef Landry

Chef Landry was a Comedy / Cooking show. Maybe a better description was he told funny stories while occasionally telling us what he was doing to the Jambalaya. As he was slicing raw chicken breasts, he reminded us that more people hurt themselves with dull knives than with sharp knives.

100 Things to see at the fair #32: Cavies

Cavies are better known to a lot of people as Guinea Pigs. There were two judges looking at the cavies without as much fanfare as some of the other animals.

100 Things to see at the fair #33: Goat shed

While not the petting zoo, some of the animals in the other stables will let you pet them.

100 Things to see at the fair #34: All the King's Horses

All the King's Horses is a traveling Horse show. Each of the horses is graceful in its own way and each one has a different talent. However, None of them could put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

100 Things to see at the fair #35: The Music Circle

This musical act played on the Purity Main Stage on a weekend night.

100 Things to see at the fair #36: Keith King

Keith King is the leader of a touring BMX bike stunt show. While the other performers do airborne tricks, King specializes in flatland tricks.

100 Things to see at the fair #37: Kids Talent Show

Contestant #208 was a show stealer at the Fairest of the Fair talent show. She's dressed as Dorothy while singing "Somewhere over the Rainbow." A judge told me later that she was the grand prize winner.

100 Things to see at the fair #38: Political Cake Design

Cake design is a contest held every year. This year, there were many cakes designed with a political theme. I'm not sure if it was a special subcategory for an election year, or if the topic was just fresh on everybody's mind. This is indeed the top of a cake!

Personally, I think it would be really cool if a 50 foot George Washington was there to stop both candidates from getting to the white house. :)

100 Things to see at the fair #39: "Badlands" Booker

Eric "Badlands" Booker was the fan favorite at the Krystal Square-off. Maybe it was because he gave out free copies of his competitive eating themed rap CD, or maybe it was because he looked like he was eating like the rest of us eat and not squishing 4 in his hand at time, flinging bits everywhere or dunking it into soggy red goo. This picture was taken during the three person overtime and his Krystals still look like Krystals.

I know you want to hear his music. Lucky for you, he has his own myspace music profile, and you're in for, ahem, a real treat. Check out "She's My Bunnette" or "Sweet Science of CE" which samples the Thomas Dolby song. The fun doesn't stop there, as he's got his own clothing line, Hungry & Focused Apparel.

If that doesn't satisfy your craving of Booker weblinks, check his Original website and his Facebook fan appreciation page for his "Krystal Square-Off Rap" and a song that samples ABBA's Mamma Mia, and finally his YouTube page.

By the way, the dude in the background is an ESPN video camera operator.

100 Things to see at the fair #40: Pony ride

32244

100 Things to see at the fair part 1

2008-10-13T14:11:00.002-05:00

I had a unique opportunity at the 2008 Tennessee State Fair in Nashville, TN. There's so much going on all the time that you can't see everything in just one day. I was able to go multiple days with a pass to get into all of the events. It was difficult to narrow everything down to just 100 pictures. I have divided the photos into groups of 20 so that one blog post isn't too long. Like usual, click on any picture to enlarge.

100 Things to see at the fair #1: Goats

100 Things to see at the fair #2: Purity Ice Cream eating contest

For the Purity Ice Cream eating contest, a dozen kids had 2 minutes to eat as much Vanilla as they could. Messiness was encouraged.

100 Things to see at the fair #3 High Divers

This diver is a member of a pirate themed diving group known as Sinbad's high divers in search of the golden pineapple.

100 Things to see at the fair #4: Fire Eater

This Fire-eating was part of the African acrobats show.

100 Things to see at the fair #5: Cow shed

Over the 2nd weekend at the fair, all of the show cows, along with their owners are in one of the two long sheds.

100 Things to see at the fair #6: Randall's Diving Pigs

Randall's Racing Pigs have been at the fair for several years in a row. One thing this show has that many don't is some of the pigs at the end run up a ramp to the platform and get to splash into the pool below.

100 Things to see at the fair #7: Tractor Pull

Perhaps the think I liked the most about the tractor & truck pull was to see how these people "Pimped their tractors" and White Lightning was my personal favorite.

100 Things to see at the fair #8: Ferris Wheel

Although it still felt odd, this was the first time I ever brought my tripod out to the midway. Of course, this gave me much more leeway to where I could take blurred motion Ferris wheel pics.

100 Things to see at the fair #9: Beauty Pageant

On the 2nd Saturday of the fair, there was a beauty pageant for several age groups that lasted several hours. The youngsters went earliest in the day. Shown here is the oldest age division, which I think was 17-18. After each contestant had a chance to be on the stage alone, they all went onstage at the end.

100 Things to see at the fair #10: Wave Swinger

When Opryland was open, My wife's favorite ride always was the Tennessee Waltz. Now, anytime we go to a theme park or a fair, the Wave Swinger (or sometimes called the Tornado) is high on her priority. She's in this picture as she's got her hand on her head to hold down her red hat.

100 Things to see at the fair #11: Rabbit Barn

If you've only seen the rabbits they have at the pet store, then you're missing out on some breeds that you've likely never seen before: Rex, lop, angora, Himalayan and long-eared. Some of them are even for sale! My wife and I bought a bunny at the fair two years ago. We still have him and we'll never buy one at a pet store again, because those seem plain compared to the ones at the fair.

100 Things to see at the fair #12: Mother & Baby

One of the Goat owners had brought a family of newborn goats to the fair. Under the watchful eye of mom, the 5 day old sleeps. Some of this goats siblings will be seen in upcoming pictures.

100 Things to see at the fair #13: Swine Barn

You can stroll the aisles and see all kinds of pigs and hogs, like this female. If you show up at the right time, you might see a pig owner trying to wash their pig in the pig shower, which involves the owner usually getting really wet.

One caveat, Compared to many of the other show animals, the swine are not treated like pets! Pigs can be stubborn and have to be strongly coerced to move sometimes, which might be upsetting to children (or sensitive wives, like mine) if you go during the judging.

100 Things to see at the fair #14: Funny Dummy

Funny Dummy is a local ventriloquist who was a fair performer this year. This gorilla girl was my favorite of his three dummies.

100 Things to see at the fair #15: Model Trains

A local Model train club sets up a rather large exhibit every year in the exhibitor's building. They have just enough Plexiglas from keeping the hands of children out of the display.

100 Things to see at the fair #16: Petting Zoo Camel

100 Things to see at the fair #17: Midway Prizes

It may be shooting hoops or throwing a ring around a bottle, but odds are you and I will not win the prize, even though the carnie can make it 50 times in a row and you'll spend 20 bucks trying.

100 Things to see at the fair #18: Quilt Design contest

In the Creative Arts building are several wonderful quilts that have been designed. This one had a certain excellent, yet playful quality to it that made it my favorite.

The maker of this quilt should turn this into a fridge magnet that comes with a 2nd smaller magnet with the words "Today, I'm feeling" that you could place ontop if your mood for the day.

100 Things to see at the fair #19: Krystal Square-off Controversy

One of the biggest events at the fair was a qualifying round of Major League Eating's biggest prize, the Krystal Square Off. Seen here is competitive eater, the diminutive Juliet Lee, and her controversial eating style.

The following are excerpts from the Official Krystal Square Off website's blog:
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In a contest marked by controversy and the hottest and most humid conditions seen on the tour so far, Lee’s victory had some calling foul due to excessive debris during the eight-minute regulation period. After a lengthy conference with judges, Major League Eating made the decision to hold a three person eat-off, the first ever in Krystal Square Off history.

Explaining its decision, IFOCE.com reports:

"Juliet Lee maintained a five second dunk throughout regulation but pre-chewed so aggressively the judges had difficulty determining her final count. Many fans and eaters alike questioned the outcome. Judges determined that the eat off should occur.

"Major League Eating has announced it will hold an an impromptu conference call this evening to consider the adoption of a new rule to eliminate confusion in future contests."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday’s Nashville Krystal Square Off V Qualifier, and the controversy surrounding excessive debris from several eaters, including the winner Juliet Lee, has led to the creation of a new rule by Major League Eating that will allow judges to disqualify competitors for “messy eating” during a contest after an initial warning is given.

As detailed at IFOCE.com:

"Major League Eating announces today the creation of a new rule called the Mustard Yellow Card. The rule allows league officials and judges to formally caution a competitor if the official or judge feels said competitor is eating in a fashion that is so messy it impedes the ability to determine the amount of food consumed.

"After one caution is given the judge has the right to disqualify the warned competitor if the competitor has not satisfactorily corrected his or her eating style.

"While no formal definition need be given, messy eating can include food and debris on a competitor and in a competitor’s eating area and cups."
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You can read the entire blog HERE, and then HERE.

Hello to anyone who found this photo on EatFeats.com
eatfeats.com/link-buffet-october-10-2008.html
The comments on the blog post there has quite a discussion from competitive eating enthusiasts of Juliet Lee's eating (or lack thereof) style.

100 Things to see at the fair #20: BMX Stuntbike

Brent thru the ages

2008-08-25T03:30:00.004-05:00

I succumbed to peer pressure and made some pictures at YearbookYourself.com. When you upload a pic of yourself, you can see what you would have looked like in a yearbook from the 50's, 60's, 70's etc...

These are the shocking results, not for the faint of heart. The years selected are 1952, 1976, 1990 and 1996.

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Recently, I was at the dollar store and I saw some handpainted porcelain ducks. It said it was part of their "Collectible" series. Their other series must be "Worthless crap that takes up space on your shelves."
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Here's an ad I saw on MySpace recently:

So, let me get this strait. If I choose to not vote for Obama in 2008, (and then enroll in Netflix or the University of Phoenix, because participation is required) I can have an Obama for President 2008 T-Shirt!

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I don't think I get my sense of humor from my mom. She really doesn't show it off very often. However, when she does, it catches me off guard.

Usually everytime I see her, she has a bag of important papers and coupons and newspaper articles for me. Recently in one of these bags, she had saved the logo of the wrapper from a bag of Cottonelle Toilet Paper. She had highlighted the slogan "Soft Sheets that Last & Last." Attached to this was a piece of paper with a handwritten note, "I only want it to last ONE TIME!"
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Do you ever get the feeling that animals are staring at you because they think you look funny?

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Thus far in my life, only once has a job interview digressed to the point where the interviewer talked about when he smoked pot with Crosby, Stills & Nash. True Story.

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Yummy: Pig Popsicles!

That would be "Awesome"
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I recently went bowling and golfing. My scores were 300 and 67. Unfortunately, the 67 was for bowling.

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There's an old self-depreciating expression for guys that don't look very attractive. It's "I've got a face made for radio." These days, you can take that a step further for those that have a lousy speaking voice: "I've got a voice made for blogging."

Not too long ago, I went through a drive thru at Taco Bell and made an order. When I pulled up to the window, the guy looked at me and said, "I Usually don't say this kind of thing, but you have the most professional-sounding speaking voice I've ever heard. I'm not kidding. You must be a professional speaker!" As it turns out, I'm not. I do have a fear of public speaking and it takes everything in me to get up to lead a prayer at church.

...and now I'm blogging about it.

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I was told that I shouldn't do this:

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When I'm the only one in the car, that means I have complete discretion over what to stop and take a picture of. I see something forthcoming and I have a few seconds to decide whether or not to pull over and snap a picture. When I was recently driving from Hohenwald to Centerville, this probably wouldn't have made the cut if MariLynn was with me.

When I pulled into their parking lot, I noticed a big sign they had at the office, something like: 'Absolutely NO U-TURNS! These premises are under constant video surveillance. Violators will be prosecuted!" So, I took this picture and sheepishly went to U-turn to get on the road towards Centerville.

I hadn't been there for 30 seconds when a Hohenwald cop car pulled into the lot. I thought: Drat! They really mean business here. As it turns out, the cop was only there to make a U-Turn and head back into Hohenwald.

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Or, more accurately:

Kissing someone that vaguely looks like Barbara Bush while in the happy cross-eyed green car.

Sometimes for the fun of it, I don't want to give the context of the photo, such as where it was taken.

Hello to anyone who found this photo here:
authenticgiving.squarespace.com/authentic-giving-blog/200...
where they've added the caption:
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. - Albert Einstein
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Cow rental costume: $40
Chick-fil-a chicken Sandwich: $2.99
The look on the cashiers face when someone goes through with it: Priceless

I had forgotten about it on and just happened to go through the drive through on that day. There were a couple of high school girls that had sewn black circles onto a white t-shirt. They also gave plush cows to all children. Over the years, I have accumulated a few of those cows and I don't even have kids yet.
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Mary, why weren't you home when I came for our Rendezvous?
Sorry, Steve, but I had to do the Laundry!
It's Mike isn't it! You'd rather be with Mike that with me when I come over!
No, Steve! I have some socks that needed washing! You've got to believe me!

Is it obvious that I'm not good at writing Soap Opera dialogue?

Dickerson Pike - East Nashville
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Brent Moore, Federalist for President update!
I have chosen my running mate, but won't tell you who it is yet. Instead, expect a hastily sent text message from me while your sleeping at some point this week.
31461

Brent K. Moore for President

2008-08-18T05:02:00.003-05:00

Today, I'd like to announce my candidacy for President of the United States

I'd also like to add that I'm not 35 yet, but will be in 2012. So, I'm actually running for President in 2012, but I'm starting my campaign now to get a head start now against whoever becomes the incumbent.

I'd like to outline my platform:

• Experience: I was president of my high school math club. That makes me a true Washington Outsider.

• Supports Universal Nerf Care.

• Supports drilling for ice in ANWR.

• Proposes the creation of IRS tax form 1099-G, which reduces estate taxes for individuals becoming ghosts.

• Wants to build a terrestrial fence to keep out space aliens.

• For Clean Air, Clean Water, Clean Energy, Clean trees, Clean fish, Clean rice, Clean and jerk weightlifting, Mr. Clean, and Clean rap lyrics.

• Wants to stop America's dependence on foreign chocolate.

• Supports criminalization of using potted meat.

• Only candidate willing to take a stand against cicadas.

• Wants to stop large corporations from making excessive profits on coffee.

• I don't like the song "Low Rider" by the group War. This makes me the true anti-War candidate.

• Guys named Lester and ladies named Leslie should pay taxes just like the rest of us. Thus, I'm in favor of Les Taxes.

• Wants to fix Social Security by letting you know right now that you're not going to be getting anything.

• Wants to establish a timeline to withdraw all troops out of Milwaukee.

• I'm the official third party candidate of the 2008 Olympics.

• Will cut the size of Pork Barrel spending, making it Pork bucket spending.

• My economic plan supports free trade with all forward-thinking nations that will allow us to download a bunch of MP3's for free.

• Does not think one man should have over thirty-seven wives.

• Will only nominate judges that like Led Zeppelin because they totally rock!

• Wants to land a man on the moon by the end of the 60's.

• is smart enough to not name my grassroots effort "My B.O."

• Supports Torte reform.

• Wants to repeal the provision of the Patriot Act which allowed New England to spy on their NFL opponents.

• Will reduce the influence of Special Interest by giving more attention to unspecial interests.

• Will fight unceasingly and unwaveringly to protect and ensure every American's Ninth Amendment rights!

• Supports civil rights for red-headed stepchildren.
31378

Hair Today, Gone Tommorrow...

2008-08-16T23:38:00.004-05:00

Instead of talking about why I haven't made a post in a long time, I'll save that for another post...
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It was a spring day in 1994. I was a junior in high school, and a day near the end of the school year I had been looking forward to for a while. While the rest of my classmates spent the day at Cedars of Lebanon State Park, I spent the day with the rest of my family in the waiting room at Vanderbilt for something more important.

Lets go back in time even further. I'm quite sketchy on the details because I was so young.

When Barry, my brother, was a junior in high school, everyone knew he was smart. I had heard that when his high school math teacher was sick, Barry could fill in and teach the class. However, during Barry's senior year, he was the one that was very sick.

One of the first signs of trouble was a lump that emerged on the side of his neck. You could see it in his Senior class portrait. Barry had Cancer. It was Hodgkin's Disease. My family and I were living in North Texas at the time, and while I was young, being a kid, Barry and the rest of my family spent a lot of sleepless night at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.

(Side note: If you're vaguely familiar with Hodgkin's Disease, It's a cancer of Lymph Nodes. Perhaps the most famous recent person to have it is NHL star Mario Lemieux.)

Not only was Barry very intelligent, he also had a gentle spirit.

You've heard the expression, "It takes a rocket scientist to figure this out." Barry was smart enough to be a rocket scientist. However, his human frailty prevented him from finishing his undergraduate Physics degree from TSU. I believe his dream job was to work at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. For fun, he studied Computer Programming LISP, which works with Artificial Intelligence.

He always had a calm, quiet demeanor. He was always sensitive to the thoughts and needs of others, even though he was the one that always needed physical care. He never judged anybody based on their outward appearance and to him, it was only the inside that mattered. He didn't have to have the fashionable and newest clothing styles, but only valued things on its functionality.

After many chemotherapy sessions at MD Anderson, and later Vanderbilt, the cancer went into remission for a while. Most of the time he spent at home. While he spent much of his time at a computer, a large part of his day was sitting in a chair, just thinking.

Growing up, I probably knew my other older brother, Scott, better. Sharing a bedroom for seven years probably had something to do with it. Barry was so quiet, that I almost completely missed out on knowing him. Fortunately, I eventually took some initiative and got to pick his brain with lengthy conversations ranging from Star Trek to Libertarianism.

Then, one day in the spring of 1994, he didn't wake up. He was rushed in an ambulance to Vanderbilt, where the prognosis wasn't good.

As far back as I had remembered, he had always lived with cancer; shouldn't he able to keep going on? Grandparents are the only ones who die, not brothers! Why does it sometimes seem that the ones who are taken away too soon are the ones that we need more of on Earth?

That was 14 years ago.
Barry and I were 14 years apart in age.
That means that now I am the same age he was when he died.

2005 was the first time I had ever considered growing my hair out. It's something different. I wanted to see what it was like. Then I lost my job, and I had to keep my hair more presentable for the upcoming job interviews I was going to have. After spending some time in a temp job, I got another real job in November of 2006. From there, I let my hair grow. I didn't start out with a goal in mind, i just wanted to see what it was like.

I forgot exactly who was the first person who told me about Locks of Love, but it was a little less than a year after it started growing. Mothers and Daughters tend to be more familiar with the charity, but some of you may not be familiar with it. They take long hair donated from regular people and turn it into wigs for children whose own medical condition (perhaps requiring chemotherapy) has left them without hair. It's ironic, because Barry wouldn't have wanted a wig, because he didn't care what others thought of his physical appearance, but I do think he would have approved doing this for children.

Before it can be donated, it has to reach a length of 10 inches. Just to make certain, I waited until my hair got to a length of 11+. A lady at church had told me that her daughter went to GreatClips and they'll give you a free haircut and take care of sending the ponytail to Locks of Love. Today, I did the same thing.

Growing up in a conservative family and attending a conservative church, I wasn't sure what people were going to think of a guy with long hair. Perhaps five years ago, I could have had negative thoughts of men with long hair, but things change. My parents thought it was strange that I was growing out my hair at first, but just last week, my mom told me that she'll miss it when it's gone, and that meant a lot to me.

I figured that most of the people that liked my ponytail would tell me to my face and those that didn't like it would talk behind my back. I heard a couple of reports where people told me that others told them that "it's not good for a man to look that way" or "men shouldn't go to church looking like that." Honestly, it doesn't bother me; I think it's funny. A couple of people asked jokingly if I was going to portray Jesus in a play or something. I prefer to think that I was being Samson - I didn't lose all of my strength when my hair was cut because I didn't have that much to lose in the first place.

I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you who have given me well wishes over the last year, as well as those of you who said they liked my long hair, even if you didn't know what I was still growing it for. Each time someone said something nice, it helped me to keep going. I'd like to publicly say thanks to my wife, MariLynn, for helping me along the way. she's the one that had to comb out the rat's nests as well as seeing everyday that I never mastered the female art of making a ponytail.

Most people that know me know I like taking pictures. For once, I am the one being photographed by MariLynn. Click on any photo to enlarge.

First here are some "Before" pictures before the hair was cut.

And now, for some goofier "May be used for blackmail" pictures. In the first photo, what it would look like if I was portraying Jesus (if Jesus had glasses and a Daytona Beach T-Shirt). Picture 2 shows me in with a 80's girlie "fountain" hairstyle. Picture 3 is why men don't do "Glamour Shots." I was trying to be silly but I actually like the way it turned out. Picture 4 is a fake mugshot. Which one is the most blackmail-worthy? Talk amongst yourselves.

This next batch is of me getting my hair cut.

Finally, this is what my hair looks like today:

Having the hair gone has given me mixed feelings. For the last year, having the ponytail has been part of my identity. I feel live I have established that I am who I want to be and not who other people want me to be. From here on out, I'm glad that I'm not going to have to spend 10 minutes blow-drying my hair, wearing a hat all the time and keeping up with those manly hair scrunchies.

The Spelling Megachilidae

2008-06-09T00:31:00.002-05:00

A Megachilidae is a type of bee.

This week, I was able to watch a small portion of the Scripps Howard Spelling Bee on ESPN. Just like Pro Basketball, Pro Baseball and other things televised on ESPN, most Americans aren't any good at spelling. The typical American is not able to spell Scripps (although to be fair, that's not an actual word, but a surname that a company was named after). Many Americans, however, can spell ESPN.

The show started with Tom Bergeron (who has a name most Americans can't spell) onstage and he was presented with a difficult word to spell. He pretended to have trouble spelling the word, and asked for help with the word, and the dozen finalists came onstage. Just like when the contestants have to spell their word, the word that Tom Bergeron had to spell was shown onscreen. Since I was watching this in the break room at work, Closed Caption was on, and the dude that did the captioning didn't know how to spell the word that Bergeron didn't know.

I used to be a decent speller, but now that I can rely on a wavy red underline for anything I type wrong, I suspect I have lost my edge. If I were to appear in the Spelling Bee, this is how I suspect it would play out:

The first contestant is up. I will be up second.
Me, thinking to myself: I can do this. I know I can do this.
Moderator: Your word is TONSILS.
First Contestant: TONSILS. T - O - N - S - I - L - S. TONSILS.
Moderator: Correct.
Audience claps. First contestant sits down.
Me, Thinking to myself: See! This is easy. I can do this. It's my turn.
Moderator: Next up is Brent Moore
Me: Yo, Wazzup?
Moderator: Your word is Honorificabilitudinitatibus.
Me, thinking to myself: DRAT!
Me:
Me: [dramatic pause.]
Me:
Me: [audible sighing.]
Me:
Me: Uh, can you use that word in a sentence?
Moderator: You don't know how to spell Honorificabilitudinitatibus.
Me: Can I have the origin of the word?
Moderator: I think an Intern made it up.
Me: Can I buy a vowel?
Moderator: No.
Me: Then, can I have a new word?
Moderator: Sure, your new word is Occurrence.
Me: O - C - C - U - R - A - N - C - E
Loud Buzzer: Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Me: DRAT!